Have a special treat for you today. Took my digital camera along for a walk at the Back Bay (Newport Beach) .. shortly before sunset.This is where I took the Bug for his birthday last week (where we threw rocks...
The Bug is 3. The highlight of his b-day came at the Back Bay, where we thru rocks off a bluff .. into a canal below .. on a gorgeous winter afternoon in sunny SoCal. At first, he couldn't reach...
The first three years (they say) are "most important" .. developmentally. The Bug will be 3 this week. (Can you believe it?) I feel good about his development, especially considering the challenges we've faced. So I won't say it's been...
Obama won the Iowa caucus .. by a surprising margin. Can't help but recall the dream I had.Kinda weird .. if you consider *when* I had that dream (more than a year ago) .. and what was going on, politically,...
2008 Happy New Year. Mine was low-key. (No hangover today.) Spent the evening at Tom's. His wife whipped up a yummy batch of organic veggies (with dijon mustard & lemon) for dinner. Healthy stuff. I like hanging out there cuz...
Quiet Christmas here in Radland .. with the Bug gone for the holidays. I miss the little guy. Come to think of it, I've never yet seen him on Christmas. There's something I can look forward to. Maybe next...
Winter solstice yesterday. Shortest day of the year (for those of us living in the northern hemisphere). The word solstice comes from a latin term » solstitium, meaning sun stoppage. Extra cool with a full moon tonight.The exact time (when...
Returned to the gym yesterday. First time since I went sailing over the handlebars and landed on my head. It's been 10 weeks.Felt good to throw around some iron. Everybody came up, asking, "Dude, where you been?"Felt stronger than I expected....
One of the most subtly-gnawing things I've had to deal with—as a part time dad—is the notion that the Bug (until recently) did not understand the difference between:I can't see him. I don't want to see him. I mean, if...
I created my first image using layers (in Photoshop) today. If you scroll down to the previous entry, you'll see I put some radEyes in the skull pictured on the pirate flag there. Simple, but the technique is the same, no matter how sophisticated you wanna get. Anyway, the Bug (who has always enjoyed that part of the story) turned and asked, "What's a root beer float, dada?" "A root beer float?!" I says. "You mean to tell me you've never had a root beer float? My son! We must correct this discrepancy immediately!"
Back when I was living in Pennsylvania, a friend there (Michael Matto) was fond of saying » "You'll be the same person 5 years from now except for: 1. the books you read, and 2. the people you meet." Along these lines, I stumbled upon a new site yesterday called » Wowio, which offers free books (for download, PDF format). I was skeptical at first, but it actually seems legit. You have to register (via valid email addy), and you can only download 3 books/day (enough for even the most voracious reader).
I trust you and yours had yourselves a pleasant Thanksgiving, with lots of bird to eat, and other yummy treats. I spent the day with the Bug (just the two of us), so it was most enjoyable. After tearing up the local playground, the day's highlight came when we took his "froggie boots" to the Newport Back Bay. There we found a feeder-stream he could tromp thru (something new).
Woke from a dream this morning .. where I was enmeshed in a game of high-stakes poker .. (interesting, seeing I haven't played cards in years). If I lost, that was the end. Adios, me. Everything would be lost. To win the final hand, I needed either a queen, or a heart. Odds were slim, requiring something of a miracle .. and I drew » the queen-of-hearts .. (immediately before waking).
Took the Bug trick-or-treating for Halloween. (A first for me.) He was dressed in a Dorothy costume (à la Wizard of Oz), complete with ruby slippers. Not an outfit I would've selected, but that's what he was wearing when I picked him up. Did it make me uncomfortable to see my boy wearing a dress? Uh, a little. But he's only two. If he were five, maybe I'd be more concerned. Everybody agrees on one thing » he would've made a cute girl. =)
More people than ever told me today that I'm a good dad. Maybe this is something I need to hear. Seems like everywhere I went » the coffee shop, the bank, the library, Mother's market .. I ran into somebody asking, "Where's the little guy?" (Most I didn't even know.) Ironically, the last thing Tom & I discussed that day .. was prompted by a line from the Bourne Ultimatum, where Julia Stiles' character (Nicky) states » "They found they had to break-down the subjects before the training would take."
Court yesterday .. regarding recent move-away issue. Came away with a favorable outcome .. altho I didn't really gain anything. I merely didn't lose the Bug. But that alone was cause for celebration. Today I feel exhausted, on a deep, emotional level. (My bones feel tired.) The past month-or-so I've had unlimited energy (and trouble sleeping). Now that we have resolution, I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Feeling a profound sense of gratitude, which is surprising, considering the challenges befallen me recently .. such as the tweaked neck and what-not. I don't understand it myself. Perhaps I'm in denial. Or maybe I sense (intuitively) some good news about to arrive from the cosmos. (Wishful thinking?) The neck is still sore/stiff, but it's the least of my worries right now. And besides, there's nothing I can do to make it heal any faster, other than rest. (Tomorrow will be two weeks since I went sailing over then handlebars and landed on my head.)
Been a week since I went flying over the handlebars and landed on my head. Wish I were further down the road to recovery, but .. I knew it would take a while. (.. from the nasty, crunching sound my neck made upon impact .. similar to what you hear when you break in half a fistful of dry spaghetti.) The good news is .. I didn't miss any time with the Bug. Unless a doctor, or a judge, tells me I can't (or shouldn't) see him, I'm there .. bright and early.
Mountain biking this weekend. Too much fun. Nasty spill. Crashed & burned. Ouch. Sore neck. My buddy Tom said, "Don't try to move." Asked me, "How many fingers am I holding up?" and what state we were in. I knew that stuff. (Three, California.) He's taken numerous first-aid classes. Maybe mild concussion. Was wearing a helmet. Nasty (bloody) scrapes left arm & leg. (Looks cool, tho.) I rode out. (Walked the gnarlier parts.)
Normally I couldn't care less about Britney's latest escapade (having enough problems of my own). But today's article caught my attention, cuz she lost her kids. One line in particular jumped out (4th paragraph): » The joke's over. At least for now. Because there are few things are worse than losing one's kids. This is an issue (sad to say) I've been preparing for. Naturally, I'm hoping for the best. But the decision is out of my hands. So I need to prepare for the possibility things don't go my way. (Sukus maximus.)
My rock-climbing buddy, Tom, called yesterday afternoon. "I'm coming over to pick you up," he said. "I'm taking you shopping for a new mountain bike." "I can't afford a new mountain bike right now," I said. "I know," he replied. "Don't worry. My treat." I thought we were gonna look at some used (cheap) bikes. Not so. He took me to a store.
Quick update to let everybody know that .. regarding the previous entry (and this one) » I'm doing everything I possibly can .. to remain in the Bug's life. When you can't afford an attorney, there are only so many levers you can pull, and buttons you can push. But I'm pushing & pulling the best I can. (Couldn't live with myself if I didn't at least try.)
In a few weeks the Bug will be moving far away. While the thought of that may be too horrible to contemplate, I'll always have yesterday as a happy memory I can return to .. whenever I miss him. Last night I had a dream about the Bug frolicking in the fountain at Steinman Park. Mom was sitting at a table nearby, smiling, as she silently ate a salad. What do you suppose it might mean? Yes, life can suk at times. Yet I'm grateful for the memories .. especially when they're all we're left with.
Last week I mentioned how the Bug cried when I brought him back to his mom .. and how that threw me for a loop, seeing it was a new development. This week wasn't such a shock, tho yesterday, again, brought more goodbye tears. (The Bug rarely cries. Real tears are rarer still.) Yet surprisingly, I'm still struggling to get a handle on this new twist. As we were leaving, another girl, who I've chatted with several times, walked over and told me she lived nearby, and that she had lots of cool play-stuff (e.g. jungle-gym, etc.) in her backyard, and that I was welcome to stop by with the Bug whenever I wanted (even if she wasn't home). While she scribbled her address on a piece of paper, the Bug shouted, "Dada's poops are stinked up!"
At the coffee shop yesterday, I let my rock-climbing buddy (Tom) talk me into a mountain bike ride (my first ever). Unfortunately, yesterday brought a record-breaking heat wave. It was sooo freakin' hot. Tom estimated 105 degrees on the trails where no breeze blew. We didn't get started until after noon, finishing 3 hours later » smack dab in the heat of the day. (We stopped to fix his broken chain, then later, my flat tire.) This was the most physically stressed I've ever been. I actually noticed myself suffering impaired cognitive functions. For example, while Tom was fixing my flat, he told me to drink more water. So I walked over to *his* bike and picked it up, thinking it was my own.
Received a certified letter from the bug's mom, saying she is moving to Michigan. (A few thousand miles away.) Such threats are nothing new, but this is the first time I received an official notice. Ironically, I have a sense of peace about it. Perhaps it's just a defense mechanism kicking in. (I don't understand it, myself.)
Played Rad-dad this weekend. This was the first time the Bug didn't want to go back to his mom. He actually cried (tears). That's never happened before. Can't think of a reason for the change. My rock-climbing buddy (Tom) said a similar thing happened right after his ex weaned his daughter.
Link worth bookmarking » PlantetPDF. Contains 7 pages worth of links to books (all free) .. with authors such as Dickens, Homer & Dostoevsky, and titles like Dracula &
I've never seen those skulls before. Now I see them twice in the same day .. from two seemingly unrelated sources. What are the odds of that? Small, I assure you. Very small. What might it mean? I have no idea. Why would he put that picture on his web site? On the main page, no less?
These weird coincidences don't occur all the time. But when they do (like now), they tend to come clumped together in bunches. I seem notice them most when I'm in love, tho (unfortunately) I'm not in love right now. I have no answers .. only observations and questions. This was the longest stretch I hadn't seen him since .. well, since those dark days of '05 (.. which I'd rather not remember). It had been more than 2 weeks.
As I pulled up to the curb, he ran over to the car. I reached across and opened the passenger door. Into the car-seat he scrambled .. all by himself. His mom shut the door behind him and we drove away. (Pick-ups don't get any smoother than that.) Remarkable how much better I feel whenever I work-out. I even feel better about myself (psychologically).
Shirts fit more snugly (in chest & shoulders). Arms hang a bit heavier. Each step flows more easily, propelled by stronger legs ("wheels"). .. when in walks Jarrod (a regular there, who teaches Criminal Justice at one of the local universities).
On our table he laid a copy of today's Los Angeles Times, and points to an article titled (big letters) » War protest in O.C. ends in 6 arrests. (Front page of the California section - Part B. Yeah, he was one of the 6.) Broke up recent blog entry (about Navy Nuclear Power school) into two parts. The original grew too long for a single page. Also added heading titles (not needed with shorter entries).
Still reading Head First XHTML/CSS book. Learning about CSS. Already know most of this, too, but definitely best chapter yet (far as learning useful info).
Also .. been trying to get off the bean (as you might recall). Not going very well. The mere idea of quitting makes me wanna drink more .. (cuz I can't be sure tomorrow won't be the day I really quit). Before becoming a dad, I had a job where one of my bosses spoke often & enthusiastically about his kids (teenagers at the time). Despite my best efforts (to suck-up to the boss), I had difficulty relating to his stories.
I remember thinking, "If I ever have kids, I need to realize that people who don't (yet) have kids might have trouble relating." Played Rad-dad the last few days. This was the first time I changed *no* poopy diapers. Woohoo! All poopies went in the toilet. (A beautiful thing.) Let the celebration begin.
He seems to enjoy this new activity. "Dada, come look," I hear him call from the bathroom. Eyes gleaming with pride. High-fives ensue. Quickly tho, he dismisses me with a wave » "Dada go away." (Plea for privacy.) Sometimes he even slides shut the door behind me. Been studying new "Head First" book on XHTML/CSS .. currently ~200 pages into it (1/3rd way thru), now reading chapter 5.
Haven't seen much new material I don't already know (having learned most of my tricks from viewing the source of other web sites). Tho I have learned bits-n-pieces of cool info from the book, especially regarding the names (terms) of things (.. which I've been using for years). Spent the first full weekend with the Bug (Fri-Sat-Sun) in several months. I had previously been donating my Saturdays to his mom .. but decided, recently, to take more time with the little guy.
Never ceases to surprise me how much depth to the relationship it adds by spending consecutive days together. Nothing like a big chunk o' time to develop the father/son relationship & bond. Very satisfying. Tore apart the car » no diaper anywhere. Not good. So I say (after cleaning him up), "You gotta go pee here in the toilet." And he does an amazing job, if ya know what I mean. Better than I could ever have hoped for.
So we're high-fiving there in the bathroom. "You so totally rock, dude!" (I've begun patterning my style of praise, you might've noticed, off Crush, the 150-year-old turtle featured in Finding Nemo, who the bug digs). Took the Bug to the movies today. (A first.) Seems like a small thing, but felt like something big.
We saw Surf's Up (dude). Strong reviews. A flick about penguins who surf. Pretty funny. Made me laugh out loud several times. The Apostle Paul wrote (in 2nd Corinthians) > "There was given to me a thorn in the flesh..." I may not be an apostle, but I know the feeling.
A thorn in the flesh .. with a little poetic license, using modern vernacular, could be interpreted thusly > pain in the @ss.
At first I refused to let her take him. She was buckling him in his car seat while I was unbuckling him. Ugly situation, and I could see it was upsetting him. So I let her take him. Father's day. Not so happy, tho. Was kinda hoping the bug's mom would offer me the day with him.
But when she came to get him Friday, it didn't happen. Things between us lately haven't been exactly a day at the beach (or a walk in the park). So, can't say I'm completely surprised, tho really thought she'd come through in the clutch. the bug will be 2½ next month, putting him mid-way thru the Terrible Two's, which I've heard much about, always wondering how much of the surrounding lore is true.
My experience (so far) is that he's at the coolest age yet, a blast to have around.
The real problem (at this age), I feel, is that kid's immune systems are still developing. Consequently they get sick a lot, with some illnesses more serious than others. And nobody enjoys feeling crummy, no matter how minor the symptoms might be. After wiping clean his little butt, I stood to retrieve a tube of butt-cream from the glove compartment and, when I turned...
... saw he'd bolted down the hill, laughing hysterically, running butt-naked, fast as his little feet could carry him .. which is pretty fast (downhill), considering he wore no diaper or pants to impede progress. Been playing Rad dad last few days. The bug is getting to that age where he knows what he wants (and what he doesn't want). No longer can I just grab him and do what I want. Now he must be dealt with.
Been looking into Virtual Private Servers (VPS) .. by trading emails with Lunarpages support to learn how that deal that works.
Odd how Basic Hosting (which I have now) comes with 350 gigs of storage (which few will ever use) & costs less than 10 bucks a month. Yet a VPS account only comes with 20 gigs storage (still way more than the 2 or 3 I need) .. tho costs $40/month. Seems like the numbers are backwards (you pay more, but get less). So I asked why. Their response: Test of the new Rad server. If you can read this, you're getting the *new* server. Could be my imagination, but this one feels a little zippier. No?
The new Rad server is a Dell PowerEdge 2650 (PDF), sporting dual-Xeons @ 2.8 GHz, with 6 gigs memory & SCSI RAID disk storage, running... Stayed up late ('til 1AM) and installed Drupal last night. (Eyes are burning.) The word installation is deceptive, cuz Drupal really installs itself.
Simply upload the files to your server, point your browser to the directory where you uploaded Drupal (in this case, to newly created subdomain > http://cms.radified.com), and a screen pops up, asking for 3 bits of information: Recall a few days ago? When I mentioned the idea of getting another domain name, so I could split-out site content related to my adventures as Rad-Dad?
I've since been pondering various domain names, such as rad-dad.com (which is already taken, tho I could buy it for a price) and radfather.com (which is available). But none felt right. Until today. Thinking of splitting-out site content pertaining to my experiences as a dad .. to a NEW site, such as raddad.com (oops, that domain name already taken) .. or rad-dad.com (uh, that one is also taken).
Anyway, I'll find some new domain that will work. (Cost ~$10/yr, and I already have tons of content I could transfer.) Heading out for a bike ride, but first I wanna share > the bug is no longer stuttering. Everybody told me not-to-worry, but it still bothered me.
He stuttered for ~ a month. Broke my heart. No more, tho. You can't imagine the sense of relief. (Happy days here again.) Synchronicity, Coincidence & the Sedlec Ossuary
The Bug is Back | The Dog is Married
Exercise, Bizarre Dreams & Advanced Web Construction
Jarrod Arrested for Protesting the Iraq War
Various Topics » Nuclear Nightmare, Learning XHTML/CSS, Trying to Quit Coffee, Dog to Wed in Prague
Difficulty Relating to an Enthusiastic Parent | Skinny-dipping in the Baptistry
Musings on Being a Part-time Dad & Milestones in Potty-Training
First Impressions of Head First XHTML/CSS Book
First Full Weekend Visitation in Months | Fireworks
Potty Training Commences!
The Bug's First Theater Movie (Sorta)
A Father's Thorn in the Flesh | Weekend Visitation Snatched Away
Father's Day 2007 | Not So Happy, Could Be Worse
Two's Not So Terrible
Rodeo Dad Snatches Streaking Toddler Mid-Stride with Impressive One-Armed Grab
Learning Dad Tricks & all about Virtual Private Servers (VPS)
Site Move to New Upgraded Web Server Complete
Installing Drupal 5.1 Content Management System (CMS)
New Domain Name: hardnuf.com (Adventures in Fatherhood)
Comparing Joomla vs Drupal Content Management Systems - Part I/II
The Bug No Longer Stuttering
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