Wednesday: 21.January.2004

The Sperm Effect on Driving

I don't know about where you live, but here in SoCal, people drive strangely. By that, I mean they will drive at a regular speed, until you try to pass them, at which time they'll speed up. You can watch the speedometer climb: 45, 55, 65. Soon as you take your foot off the gas and let them keep the lead, they will slow back down: 65, 55, 45.

I've been studying this phenomena for many years. I even applied for a government grant to document it (but they told me to get lost and stick to my web site). Anyway, after many years of exhaustive research, I have discovered what I believe to be the cause of this bizarre driving behavior. I call it: THE SPERM EFFECT.

You see, we all began as little sperms. Now I know some girls refuse to admit they were ever a sperm. But it's true. Ask your sex education teacher. And, when you were a sperm, the only thing you cared about was being in the lead position. Because the sperm who came in second place got no prize. No cigar for that boy. All of us were *first* to mommy's egg. If we weren't, we wouldn't be here right now.

So, my theory (the sperm effect, patent pending) states that, on some deep, unconscious, primeval level, we all have an unexplainable complulsion to be first in line. And we find it disconcerting whenever another sperm, uh, I mean, car, tries to pass. This explains the behavior of drivers here in Southern California, and maybe where you live too. Think I'll win a Pulitzer?

Posted by Rad at January 21, 2004 10:49 PM


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An alternative explaination may be that there are two kinds of people:

1) Those in cars
2) Those not in cars

(note that any one person can change what kind of person he/she is by simply getting behind the wheel)

From these two peopletypes, only the second kind actually knows how to
- drive
- apply social skills
- not act like a baboon on steroids

This is of course in correlation with the scientificly established fact that we are all "above average drivers" :-)

Posted by: El Guapo at January 21, 2004 11:49 PM

"I don't plan on dying anytime soon, so I didn't use the dot."

This is the first statement I have found on your site that I think is stupid.

NOONE plans on dying, yet a lot of people do. And with the sperm effect fresh in memory, the connection would be obvious.

Apart from this minor (and soon-to-be-rectified?) blunder, you have a fantastic site. VERY clear, very helpful, very friendly.

Used Ghost last night for the first time to restore a system that became corrupt, probably from the conflict between InCD and DirectCD. Worked VERY well. With you, I wouldn't have dared.
So thanks a lot.

If I could get a red dot for my drives license I would use it immediately.

Best regards,

Fredrik Moell

PS Couldn't put it on the right day - I couldn't find a way to post a comment. Am I stupid?

Posted by: Fredrik Moell at January 23, 2004 01:50 AM

You're correct. It's a flippant statement. Actually, I have a fear (irrational?) that I won't realy be dead, and they'll start yanking body parts. It's not like people haven't been mistaken for dead before. Mt fear, I supose, is due to staying up late too many nights as a kid, watching scary movies, and series like 'The Outer Limits" & "The Twilight Zone". My dad would say, "It's time for bed, but, if you want to want The Outer Limits" with me, you can stay up."

Those scary movies affect you when you're a little kid. Anyway, I didn't want to sound like a pussy, so I made a flippant remark.

Posted by: Rad at January 23, 2004 06:30 AM

Brilliant! You've outdone yourself here Rad :)

Posted by: TheDude at January 27, 2004 12:25 AM