Garbage Cans Awaiting Pickup

Photo #7/9 » Garbage Cans Awaiting Pickup

Photo taken June 1, 2015
Shortly before sunset
San Diego county

I was going to use this photo to show my friends back East the hill that was kicking my ass.
But I realize that this photo makes the slope seem less severe.
(It looks much steeper from the bottom.)

They are going to think I am a big pussy.
I mean, that's what it looks like to me.

I like the way I feel when I am physically active.
But I have to work up to it.

I cannot do very much, physically, when I first wake.
I start with coffee and go from there.

Sometimes, when you are faced with limitations in your life.
Be they temporary or whatnot.

It causes you to reach deeper into yourself.
And in doing so you find out stuff about yourself that you otherwise might not have learned.

After bringing up the cans (2 at a time), I had to stop and sit at the top
because my heart was pounding so hard that it actually hurt.

I would be lying if I said the following thought did not pass thru my mind:
"Dude, if you have a heart attack after going thru cancer treatment ..
.. I am going to kick your ass."

I just am not yet in any kind of physical shape.
After losing all that weight.

And yes, there is a frustrating aspect to not-being-able to do shit you did before.
Easy shit.

I got as low as » 141. I'm around 145 now.
My highest reading during treatment was » 181.

That's a drop of 40 lbs .. a frighteningly fast drop.
I am still finding it a challenge to put the weight back on.

If I took off my shirt for you, you would be remembered of Auschwitz.
Because I am.

But everybody tells me that I look good.
This however, is always while I am wearing a shirt.

Last week, for example, I said to this guy who commented that I looked good ..

"Dude, that's what everybody tells me.
But sometimes I think that they are just blowing sunshine up ass."

He said, "No, really. Your eyes are clear. Your mind is sharp.
I can't see how thin you are under that sweatshirt.
You dont look 140. "

Today, for example, I simultaneously lowered and tilted my head sideways ..
.. in order to read the level of the grounds in the coffee grinder.
You sorta need a back-light to see.

Anyway, I straightened up too quickly afterwards and, whoa ..
.. the swirlies came in a big way.

I grabbed the counter-top for support, which looks sturdy.
The voice in my head said » "Dude, puhLEEZE .. do not do that again."

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