Tuesday: 16.May.2006

Final Co-parenting class: trust leads to emotional intimacy

Attended my last court-ordered co-parenting class Saturday. The class lasted 7 weeks, and was held at Chapman University, in Orange. Beautiful campus.

Near the end of the last class, before graduation ceremonies commenced, the instructors (one a PhD) asked if we had any final questions.

I asked if they could sum up the info (tons of it) presented over the past 7 weeks. On the blackboard they drew a large 'V', which represents the life experience of a typical individual.

The beginning of life experience (represented by the very bottom of the 'V') is where they annotated 'trust vs mistrust', which occurs/forms (or should occur) by age = 18 months.

In other words, if the child doesn't develop trust (depending on how it's treated, or mistreated, such as doing what you say you're going to do and being consistent) it will, by default, mistrust.

Much later in the life cycle (much higher in the 'V', where the 'V' is broader), we come to the ultimate aspect (psychologically speaking): emotional intimacy vs separation.

In other words, if the mature person doesn't learn to form emotionally intimate relationships, they will, by default, find themselves emotionally separated.

So there you have it: the life experience summed up, beginning with trust (very early in life) and culminating with emotional intimacy later in adulthood. (I'm currently working on forming my own emotionally intimate relationship.)

And if not, mistrust, by default, leads to emotional separation. So building trust is of crucial importance. Perhaps you know somebody who has a fear of intimacy.

The also mentioned, the child's basic personality is formed by age 6, so those years are obviously key.

I also asked if parents could screw up a child, thru neglect, so bad in its early years, that it might never recover. In other words, broken irreparably. They said, yes, it is possible.

Got my completion certificate. Glad to have my Saturdays back.

Posted by Rad at Tuesday: 16May2006

Tuesday: 09.May.2006

Photo enforced traffic lights suk

Here in Costa Mesa, I've noticed a growing number of photo-enforced traffic lights. (Laguna had no such things.)

Early one morning, not long ago, while driving to pick up the little guy, I noticed (still half asleep) a bright flash .. poof! .. like when someone takes your picture, when you're not expecting it. "What the heck was that?" I wondered.

On the way back, I noticed the intersection labeled Photo enforced, with cameras and lights mounted on poles at all four corners. Obviously Big brother had been there.


This is technology at its worst. Okay, maybe not its worst, but still sad. Cuz it's nothing more than a money-making scheme .. for the city. They might as well install toll booths at each intersection.

And they set yellow light timing very quick, so if you don't slam on your breaks soon as the light turns .. you shortly receive a love note in the mail from the city .. containing a self-addressed envelope (no stamp, tho).

Now I've not received such a note (yet), and pray I never do, but something about these big brother intersections gives me the creeps.

I mean, basically, the way it works is that you get a fine in the mail, mail in your payment, without ever speaking with a real person.

In other words, "We don't want to talk to you. Just send us money." That leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Big brother making money, hand over fist.

In other traffic related news, I just received word that I got out of a speeding ticket received several months ago, cuz my speedometer wasn't working properly. Took a long time to get a response.

Did the mail-in thing, with a copy of the invoice from my mechanic, for fixing my speedometer, and the judge dismissed my case. Small victories. Now I just have to get my money back ($178).

For more along these lines, here's a Google search pre-configured for the query: photo enforced traffic lights

Posted by Rad at Tuesday: 09May2006