Ye Olde Rad Blog

Got a call from my brother yesterday, saying, "We got a call from your ex. She claims her therapist has diagnosed you as a sociopath..." [You can't make up this stuff, folks.]

The message went on to say, "I'm not sure exactly why she called, cuz she was vague, talked real fast, and never asked a direct question. But it seems she was looking for dirt on you."

My brother (who lives in Chattanooga) said he asked her, "What exactly do you want from me? Do you want to know if he kicked cats as a kid?" Toward the end, bro said she asked him to keep their conversation confidential, claiming I didn't need to know.

My brother responded, "I told her *absolutely* I was going to tell you. 'He's my brother,' I said. How can you *ask* such a thing? I never even *met* you... [He sounded agitated.] I'm not gonna keep secrets from my brother with someone I never even met." [Told ya: you can't make up this stuff.]

••• today's entry continued here •••

Bro also told her, "If you're intelligent enough to know what the term sociopath implies, [my bother is a doctor, a surgeon], then you know why this conversation makes me so uncomfortable."

In other words, "If you're really familiar with sociopathic behavior, then you should realize that this phone call is a good example." [Rad translation]

My normally fun-loving brother was obviously irritated. I couldn't help but chuckle while listening to his message. Cuz I've been dealing with this kind of stuff (much worse, actually) for *years*. And she managed to spin him up in less than 5-minutes. (Yeah, she's *that* good.)

Listening to my brother's message (3 of them, actually), I considered how her therapist had never even *met* me. (I don't know if her therapist is male or female. Heck, I didn't even know she *had* a therapist.)

How can you diagnose someone you've never even met? Is she lying to her therapist? And shouldn't they be discussing *her* instead of me? Is her therapist telling her only what she wants to hear?

My strategy for dealing with this craziness is to continue following the advice presented in the co-parenting classes I attended last year.

They advise keeping dialogue to a minimum, focusing on the needs of the child, and avoiding personal topics. All I'll say to her is something like, "Uh, by the way, I think my brother and his wife would appreciate it if you didn't call them anymore."

My position has always been > if she can keep the conversation civil, I'm happy indulge her. (She can be nice when she wants something). But the first hint of complaining or criticism (or threats) is my cue the conversation is over.

"Can you keep this civil?" I ask, when she starts getting nasty. "Apparently not," is my typical response as I turn and walk away, or hang up. (I refuse to be her emotional dumping ground.)

I'm trying to get her to move beyond anger and resentment. Last week, for example, I donated my entire weekend with the bug (including my Friday > that's 3 full days), so she could have him the whole time while her parents were in town. (They'd flown in from Michigan, for the bug's 2nd birthday.)

In return I merely asked to have him for a few hours today .. so I could take him to church this morning, so we could sing some songs together (which he seems to enjoy). She agreed (on Friday). But when I arrived to pick him up this morning (at 9AM), she refused to give him to me.

She claims (speaking thru a crack in the window) to have left a message on my cell, citing reasons for her last-minute change-of-heart, but I never received any such message. Heck, I *still* don't know why she refused to give him to me. (Maybe she doesn't dig my church.)

Sure, I coulda made a stink, but have learned that the airing of grievences rarely does any good. (It only makes matters worse.) So I bid her (and the bug), "Good-bye," and quietly left. I'm patient. I can take him to church next weekend, when I have him.

As you might've gathered, my efforts (to try to get her to move beyond anger & resentment) have met with, uh, limited success. But (for the bug's sake) I keep trying .. to be as pleasant as I possibly can.

If you've read my entry from 18.december (the sociopath, had anything to do with that plan.

My brother (Yale grad) ended his message by saying, "I tried to be nice for long as I could. I can't imagine she'd ever call here again, but if she does, I'll certainly let you know." He has been thru his own messy divorce. The last thing he wants is to get involved in another nasty domestic dispute. (Who can blame him?)