Sunday: 18.March.2007

Caffeine Addiction & Thoughts on Fatherhood (Motivation)

Let's begin with good news today. My shoulder feels better (after months of being sore). Normally, shampoo'ing my hair hurts it worst (kills me). Today was the first day a shower brought no pain.

I've stopped lifting weights and took up bike-riding instead, in an effort to give the shoulder a chance to heal. I also carry the bug with my other arm (or on my shoulders). Seemed like that pain would never go away.

On a less-positive note .. you may recall back in November (the 7th), I mentioned a desire to quit drinking coffee (caffeine). So how's that coming? you ask?

Coffee never tasted so good as when I decided to quit. I drink espresso, and I've been drinking more of it than ever. ("Quadruple-shot, please.") Seems the more determined I am to quit, the better it tastes.

today's entry continues here

I've always felt I could quit at any time, and that quitting would be no big deal .. but I'm beginning to think I might really be addicted. I find myself saying things addicts do .. like > "I'll quit tomorrow." (Junkies always promise to quit tomorrow.)

And if I ever spill any (espresso), it's usually followed by a horrified gasp .. as if I just spilled the most precious substance known to man.

My goal > is to quit for 3 months, and see how I feel. So can I quit? Sure. No problemo. Piece of cake. I'll start tomorrow. =)

Speaking of coffee .. I was sipping my morning espresso at the local coffee shop this week, when I heard a (male) voice ask, "Where the little guy?"

I looked up from my LA Times to see an attractive couple standing there. "I don't get him today," I said. "I get him tomorrow."

A few minutes later the girl sat down at an adjacent table. "My husband came home from work last week," she shared, "and said, 'I saw the cutest little kid at the coffee shop this morning'."

People are going home, it seems, and talking about the bug. (Maybe they want one of their own.) This isn't the first time something like this has happened.

Of course, I'm a proud papa, so I'm biased as they come, and I (naturally) think he's the coolest. But it still surprises me when others confirm my sentiments. Wish I could post some pictures for you, but I can't.

When the guy sat down a few minutes later with their drinks, I introduced myself and told them the bug's name. "He'll be here tomorrow," I said.

My focus these past two years have been to pour into him as much good stuff (love, affection, attention, fun) as I can .. in the limited time I have him each week.

Experts claim the first 2 to 3 years are the most important (developmentally), and he just turned two. So I'm feeling a sense of accomplishment .. or at least as best one might imagine, under the circumstances.

After the first few years (experts claim) it's more about maintenance. But deficiencies early on can plague us our entire life.

Egret at Back Bay, Newport BeachThis week he saw his first egret (at the Back Bay, here in Newport Beach). I try to focus on giving him a variety of new experiences, teaching him new words, making sure he gets plenty of exercise .. outdoors, where he can run around and play (plenty of fresh air).

"Did you ever imagine you could love someone so much?" is a common comment I hear. But it's not really like that for me. I mean, sure I love the little guy. But that's not why I do what I do. My primary motivation comes more from a sense of duty, than anything else.

Does that make me weird? I dunno. Commitment. Obligation. Responsibility. These are words that come to mind when I think about my motivation. Admittedly they're less romantic, yet effective nonetheless. Because I don't always feel like pouring so much into him, yet I do it anyway .. out of a sense of duty, which is always there.

The only time I missed a visitation was when a doctor advised against it. Even the back injury didn't stop me.

Sacrifice .. is another word that comes to mind. Of course, he will soon outgrow his need for many of the things I currently do for him. So my sacrifice will likely diminish as time proceeds, making it (more or less) temporary .. like a window of opportunity.

"They're only small for a short time," is another common theme I hear. Already it's clear (sadly) that I can no longer carry him the way I once did.

Posted by Rad at March 18, 2007 10:26 AM


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