» Radiation tri-blade » Sometimes when I write [ not often ] I find myself out there .. waay out there .. in some remote galaxy .. following something that is hard to describe. More like a feeling, or an impulse. Maybe an urge. Or an intuition.

Embracing Duality (Whatever that Might Mean)

Hard to put your finger on it. (Which is part of what makes it so cool.)

Like I'm riding it. Like I'm feeding off its energy.

And the feeling that comes at the end of these experiences is something like » "How did I get here? Where is here? Where am I? How did I get here?"

You are downright disoriented.

Other times [ even more rarely ] I can hear voices asking the writer in me, "Dude, what that even mean? What are you saying?"

And the unspoken implication here is that you are losing your mind .. because crazy people are famous for talking about things that make no sense.

I have already written about the fine line .. between genius and insanity.

And I do not mind telling you, my friend, that when you are there .. exploring that line .. it is not difficult to step over every now-n-then. [ "Oops." ]

People slip up all the time, no? Is not that part of the very definition of being human?

Now I know that you probably think that the last chemo really put a hurtin' on my ass .. and there might very well be some truth to that. I can certainly feel that the screws are now considerably looser. And I know that you probably think I had too many screws loose already.

Yin-Yang TattooBut let's not let that stop us from exploring what is probably chief among these opaque phrases » embracing duality.

» Sensing Resistance

A part of me does not want to write this .. on this topic. I sense resistance .. tho I am not sure why.

Perhaps because I prefer to write about stuff that I know about.

Another reason why resistance might be coming .. is because this stuff seems to pertain only to me. So why would I want to publish it?

Especially when I am conscious of the pitfalls of celebrity and the things that popularity brings .. the bad things .. for most people, anyway.

I can hear one of the voices saying, "Keep talking that crazy shit and they're gonna come get you. I've seen it before."

In my old days, resistance itself was enough of a reason to write on a particular topic. But after chemo and radiation and having genetically-engineered smallpox-based biohazards pumped right into my veins, I must, by necessity, be more discriminating.

And writing about writing just sounds so pretentious. The writer would rather just say, "This is an example of my writing. Let that speak for itself. I'm gonna go have a beer with the Pope."

Just like the singer would rather just sing .. and the actor would rather just act. The musician just wants to focus on their music.

The artist just wants to create their art .. and not have to talk about doing it. Cuz giving voice to, giving expression to your creative juices .. is where its at for the artist .. in turning nothing into something. Creating a thing out of thin air.

Whatever the reason for the resistance, the feeling is similar to » "A part of you doesnt want to, but you must do it, anyway."

Which reminds me of my entry on Dostoevsky .. how I was feeling like I wasnt ready .. to write that entry. But I knew that this was the time to write .. ready or not. (And really, how can you ever be prepared to write about Dostoevsky?)

» Confronting Bullshit Ideas and Knowing Things that You Can't Possibly Know

But I tend to encourage such confrontation of ideas .. because the writer is always interested in filtering out any bullshit.

So I have found myself, over these past months, with this question hovering there in the background » "What do you mean by embracing duality?"

Because sometimes we know things that we dont even know that we know .. ya know? [ Where's Rumsfeld when you need him to help you explain this stuff? ]

And exploring the unknown is a common geek trait. [ How do they turn matter into energy? ] I am sure that Gennady would concur.

» You Write or You Die

Charles Bukowski (1920-1994)When someone asked Bukowski about what makes somebody a writer, he responded by saying »

"Oh, that's simple .. you either get it down on paper .. or you jump off a bridge."

And his response spoke to me because it resonated with my own experience ..

.. which is a feeling similar to that of a gradually increasing constipation ..

.. until you feel like you're ready to jump off a bridge.

[ Speaking of constipation .. you do not know constipation .. let me tell you .. until you've has a few chemo's and you start to eat the narcotics that they give you for pain. On second thought .. maybe I shouldnt. ]

But notice what Bukowski didnt say. He didnt say that the thing that makes you a writer is when somebody tells you that you are, or you make a shitload of money from writing.

Rad note » The remainder of this month's entry has been off-loaded to the monthly archives .. see here » Rad Entry for September, 2015.