» Radiation tri-blade » I went to the Moores Cancer Center today. In La Jolla ( luh 'HOY-uh ). I have actually driven by that road many times .. but never gave the name of the street much thought » Health Sciences Drive .. because I never had any reason to turn down that particular street. Until now. Feel me?

The Moores Cancer Center in La Jolla

Usually I was on my way down to the cove. (I *love* the La Jolla cove.)

Or maybe on my way down to Humphreys-by-the-Bay ..

.. to catch an outdoor jazz concert while sitting beside the lovely marina there at Shelter Island. But I am avoiding my subject. My uncomfortable subject.

I dont know where to start .. perhaps because I am a little overwhelmed. Which is understandable, I guess .. considering.

I was defintely hyper-aware-conscious .. on the ride down there. A one-hour ride .. with good traffic.

The Moores Cancer Center in La JollaI mean, the voice is my head is saying » "Dude, you're going to the Moores Cancer center. A little difficult to ignore that fact .. wouldnt you say? Did you notice the word 'cancer' in their name? How can you not?

Cancer .. that's what they DO there at Moores. In fact, that is ALL they do. No, they dont make hamburgers. And the REASON that you are going there is because » cancer is what you have."

The Dog Makes You Feel Like He is » There With You

Thank goodness that the Dog happened to call not long after my ride picked me up. I talked to him for much of the ride down.

I could write volumes about the Dog .. about how cool he is and how smart and how compassionate and how well-read and how talented he is .. in so many ways ..

.. but basically, the Dog » knows how to make you FEEL GOOD. He listens so well, so remarkably well, so resonantly with you, that he makes you » feel heard, feel understood, feel appreciated. He makes you feel like he is » there WITH YOU.

He is not afraid to jump into your dark-night-of-the-soul with you. He does not balk at the specter of monstrous pain-n-suffering. And yes, some people are better than others at this suffering-with. (Empathy. Compassion. Call it what you will, but it is not the easiest thing to do.)

I once had an old girlfriend say » "Your friends really love you."

This was right after she had met the Dog .. at the Muldoon's Irish Pub there in Newport Beach .. right next to the Big Newport theaters ( "biggest screen in the West" ) .. which is right across the street from Fashion Island .. and mere walking distance from the PIMCO offices .. where Bill Gross (aka the "Bond King") used to work.

The Famous Hollywood SignThe Dog had driven all the way down from Hollywood, where he was living at the time (mere walking distance from the famous sign) ..

.. to have a bowl of Muldoon's world-famous Irish stew with us .. and a black-n-tan.

I picked that place to rendezvous because I wanted the Dog to feel at home. (He is an Irish boy.)

I love the Dog, too. (How can you not?) But this is not what I want to talk about right now. Again, I am avoiding my subject.

» Radiation Oncology

Anyway, sitting here on the bed beside me, I have an elegant blue folder-sized booklet (22-pages) with white lettering on the cover that says » Radiation Oncology Patient Handbook.

I read the first few pages while I was sitting in the waiting room. I would be proud to have been the author of this booklet. Very well written. Professional yet personal. Not easy to pull that off. A delicate balance.

Tears of a ClownWhile reading it I felt like crying .. repeatedly. I actually had to exert considerable effort to not cry ..

.. the voice in my head saying » "Dude, you definitely cannot cry here. This is not a good place to cry. Hold it together."

I saw a few ladies come in wearing the head-scarves over their bald heads.

And I heard a lady sitting a few chairs down say into her cell phone (as she started crying herself) » "I can only take so much of watching her suffer. They think it has spread to her spine. They are giving her morphine. She is coming in the ambulance. She should be here in ten minutes."

And ten minutes later, four or five paramedics wheeled in this lady. She did not look good. No. Very bad. Scary bad. Whoa. So let's change the subject.

Here is what I learned recently » Radiation Oncology and (plain ol') Oncology are two different things. With two different doctors. Two different appointments. At two different addresses. So you have two different things to deal with. Oncology = Chemo-therapy. You learn something new everyday, it seems.

If you never saw a doctor at Moores, you would STILL be impressed .. by the buildings themselves. Modern industrial art. High ceilings. Lots of open space. Lots of big windows letting in lots of natural light.

Moores Cancer Center - Inside Main Lobby

Valet-parking. A concierge-like person there to greet you with a smile as you first enter and perhaps point you in the right direction. And not just one building either. No, sir. But rather many buildings. Many BIG buildings. All around you. Totally impressive .. even before you ever see a doctor.

Life has been such a rollercoaster ride these past few weeks. With lots of sudden deep plunges. Sometimes I dont know which way is up. Sometimes I just feel emotionally exhausted .. like I could sleep for a week .. like I'm playing in the sixth quarter of a four-quarter game .. where I am taking a thumping. "Make it stop."

» He Reminds Me of My Brother

This doctor I saw today .. I will share more later. But for now, I simply want to say that .. he reminded me of my brother. My brother is a surgeon. So I felt comfortable with him. With this doctor. A Radiation Oncologist. I could use the same communication set of skills that I use with my brother.

I was totally impressed. I mean, it would be hard (for anyone, for anybody) NOT to be impressed by him. Not only is he very smart, but he wields a skill-set that itself is remarkable beyond words.

And he mind-melds with other super-smart doctors, who each have their own particular skill sets. Truly awesome shit. They have weekly "Tumor Boards" .. where all the minds meet to discuss your particular case and apply their particular area of expertise.

And he employs the latest cutting-edge technology. While I was reading about their state-of-the-art intensity modulated and image-guided linear accelerator, I woulda totally had a techno-geek boner .. if I wasnt so freaked out by being there. (As a patient.)

» A Recruiter's Dream

I mean, I would be proud to work there. Given its location (there in La Jolla, a very desirable place to live) and the professional prestige associated with such an impressive place .. you would have to assume that they are able to attract the very best talent.

Easy to recruit the finest skill-sets available. "Hi. I'm from Moores in La Jolla. We've heard about you and would like to know if you'd be interested in seeing if you think you might be a good fit for our team. We appreciate talents such as yours."

» The Most Thorough Examination

When you have cancer, and when Mr. Death approaches you and introduces himself to you .. and when he starts calling out your name, saying » "Your ass is mine, bitch. It's just a matter of time now." .. and when your future becomes "quantum' (.. based on probabilities and no longer based on certainties) ..

Think Differently.. uh, you see things differently. You think about things differently. Without even trying. (Trust me.)

Let me just say here, before I get too carried away .. that when this doctor examines you .. you know you have been examined.

Besides running the scope-cable up your sinuses and recording the inside of your body ..

.. he also crawls his fingers over pretty much every inch of your body from your chest up .. looking for lumps and other abnormalities. He got near my tumor (which is a tender area, due to the tumor pressing relentlessly on nerves) .. but never hurt me. You could FEEL the skill in his hands.

At one point near the very end, he had his arm pretty much down inside my throat, elbow deep. Yes, I exaggerate .. but not as much as you might think.

But yes, this is what you want. You want somebody digging deep .. looking for bad shit. I shit you not when I say he made me gag three or four times.

But he DID spray a lot of that cocaine up my nose .. just like the other doctor did. Actually, I do not know for a fact that it is cocaine .. but it numbs you, so I think of it as cocaine.

They also spray a drying agent, which has speed-like qualities. So imagine somebody spraying pharmaceutical-grade cocaine and speed up your nose .. and you get a rough idea of how I felt. (I have always been sensitive to drugs.)

I mean, you are already in an altered state .. because of WHERE you are .. and WHY you are there. Then they spray things up your nose and stick their arms down your throat elbow-deep and make you gag. Can the Twilight Zone be very far away?

I find it telling that he did not simply rely on the findings of other (obviously capable) doctors .. but rather performed HIS OWN (very thorough) examination. He looked for himself. He probed. He peered. He delved deep.

My experience has been .. as you proceed up the ladder of specialists .. the examinations become increasingly thorough. At first, they just look at the lump on the side of your neck and say, "Oh, this is not good." And I say, "Don't you want to look in my throat?"

» Your Life in His Hands .. to a Large Degree

This doctor .. who I saw today .. at Moores .. he definitely gives you the feeling that he is always a step or two ahead of you. And yes, this is what you would expect, sure. But the consistency of the clarity of this impression is really what stood out for me.

I mean, you have never met this man before .. yet, he knows you .. he SEES THRU you. So effortlessly. There is something here I am trying to convey, but I am having trouble zero'ing in on exactly what it is that I am trying to say. Maybe later it will come to me in a way that I can better describe.

It surprises me that he does not intimidate me. I mean, I could not respect him or his craft more. Particularly for the very tangible difference he is able to make in the lives of certain people .. people who have been bitten by the fiery serpent of cancer.

And let's be frank. This man has your life in his hands .. to a large degree .. to an uncomfortably large degree. To be honest, I do not like to depend on anybody for anything .. especially not for important stuff .. because humans are fallible creatures and too often they let you down. This has been my experience, anyway.

So I sorta feel like I should be intimidated. But I'm not.

» Establishing Parallel Rapport

If a man has my life in his hands .. something in me tries to establish a rapport with him. This seems natural, no?

And there are a few nice points where I tried to establish parallel rapport. But he was focused. I know that look. "Let's take care of serious business first, and we'll do the touchy-feely later."

That is how I am myself in a professional setting. You dont want to let the personal distract you from your focus on the matter at hand.

He is there to deal with your cancer, not to take you out for a beer and play shrink. The professional knows where the professional / personal lines fall.

Just before he walked into the room, I caught myself wondering how he would deal with the personal vs the professional .. which, in his line of work, is a much more prominent line .. because we are talking about matters of life-and-death.

My surgeon, for example, delivers it to you in a manner surprisingly straightforward. He does not let you squirm off into denial. Thank-you very much.

» Humor as a Form of Stress-Relief

I made the nurse today laugh. They come into the room first, before the doctor, to check you out and ask a lot of questions.

She asked if I drink and I said, "No," but added after a pause » "But dont think I havent earned my Jose Cuervo merit badge. I've just never had the staying power of the true devotee."

I could tell she liked that. "Jose Cuervo merit badge .. you're funny."

I said, "When I am feeling stressed, I use humor as a form of stress-relief."

She asked about my anxiety level.

I said, "Severe." And no, I did not have to think about that answer. "Especially after I got the call from the needle-biopsy results." [ while pointing at the bulge in my neck ].

I told her how I wasnt expecting the call until Friday at the earliest. Maybe Monday. And how it came on Thursday. If I didnt have a 9-year-old son, it probably wouldnt be so severe.

She also asked about suicide. I thought this question silly. "No," I said, thinking » "I wouldnt BE HERE if suicide were in play."

The fact that I am sitting there seems proof that I want to live. Death is the thing that I am trying to GET AWAY FROM. Trying to avoid. And you nice people have been kind enough to help formulate a plan of escape.

She also asked about my energy level. "I seem to fatigue much more quickly," I said. "It feels like something is sapping my energy." Sometimes I get so worn out that I feel shaky. Your staying-power is kaput.

» "They're small, so I brought you two."

Actually, before the nurse comes in .. another girl comes in and says » "Can I get you anythng? How about some juice? We have apple, orange and cranberry."

"I would *love* some apple juice," I say.

A minute later she returns, saying, "Here ya go. They're small, so I got you two."

I know this is a little thing, but it made me feel a LOT better. These unexpected small thoughtful kindnesses seem to have an unexpectedly BIG effect .. when you are in my situation.

"Thank-you so much," I said as she was leaving. And I genuinely meant it.

To be continued ...


» Radiation tri-blade » I had a biopsy yesterday (Sept 30). My first ever. They suk, so I am not looking forward to any more.

The Existential No Man's Land Between Biopsy & Diagnosis

The doc said he should have results back from the lab "by Friday or Monday."

So I find myself here in this particular existential no man's land .. represented by the 72 hours between biopsy and diagnosis.

I didnt know if I were going to mention this here. I mean, problems started 4 months ago. So I have been able to keep this secret for this long.

I will be honest and tell you that .. one reason why I may be writing about this now (.. timing being important, at times) ..

.. is because I am feeling very whacked out right now .. ever since I passed out at the biopsy [ passing out like that was yet another first for me ] ..

.. what was I talking about?? .. oh yeah .. feeling very spacey, disoriented, almost confused (if such a thing were possible for my ego) ..

If you have never had a biopsy, I dont want to spoil it for you. So I wont go into any great detail.

But I feel comfortable that most experienced people would concur that it generally "sucks".

For me he is going to use three small needles and "one big needle".

Into my neck. The visual this paints is not pleasant.

On the third small-needle [ after the first two were surprisingly no trouble ] .. on the third small-needle he "hit a vein" and got a little excited.

I did not have the balls to ask him » "Uh, you dont mean the carotid, do you?" .. but I was thinking it. =)

Dude, I tell him from the chair in which I am sitting, "I am starting to feel light-headed."

Now, when I said this, I thought I would be okay. I mean, I have never passed out like that before .. where you wake up on the floor, looking up at the ceiling ..

Today's entry continues in Ye Olde Rad Blog v4 .. see here » The Existential No Man's Land Between Biopsy & Diagnosis.


» Radiation tri-blade » I just noticed that a new mini-series premieres tonight » Manh(A)ttan. Subttled » Nuclear. Family. The (A) in Manh(A)ttan seems to stand for » Atomic. (Or maybe it is just an arrow .. pointing in the direction of the mushroom cloud.)

» Manh(A)ttan. Nuclear. Family.

I have only seen the trailer so far, but it reminds me very much of the book I read (listened to audiobook) titled » American Prometheus.

And about the entry I made (.. two years ago).

It can be fun to go back and re-read something I wrote years ago.

While I was reading the entry I wrote on Oppenheimer, I said to myself » "Dude, this is good shit. You sound smarter than shit here."

I am very excited about this new (13-part) mini-series. (Boner city. You know how geeks are.)

Manh(A)ttan. Nuclear. Family.The story, I recall, was so vast and sweeping and it came with such forever-world-changing consequences ..

.. that I can see how you might need 13 episodes to do it justice.

WGN is Chicago .. same city where the Rad server is physically located (mid-country, between the two coasts).

Their website is » WGN America. USA Today did a first-look at the cast.

This is a big story. The story about the » building of the bomb.

Big, big, BIG. If the filmmakers can pull it off, that would be a major accomplishment. Something to be proud of. "Very much so," as Colonel Willard would say.

Lots of valuable lessons contained there in study how the bomb was built. So many interesting patterns to match.

Today's entry concludes in Ye Olde Rad Blog v4 .. see here » Manh(A)ttan | 13-Part Docu-Drama on How the Bomb was Built (with Nuclear-Grade Motivation)


» Radiation tri-blade » Not long after I arrived in California [ San Clemente ] two cousins came out from the East coast to visit for a few weeks. They were not really my cousins, but rather one of them was married to my cousin (cousin-in-law?) and the other was her best friend. But I treated them like cousins anyway.

The Famous Hollywood SignL'Wren & the Deceptive Pitfalls of Celebrity

Two Italian girls. With hard East coast accents.

And they were not really interested in seeing me, per se, but rather the area » southern California.

Hollywood, to be more precise.

Beverly Hills. Rodeo drive. Sunset Blvd. The Roxy. Every Hard Rock Cafe in southern California.

They crashed in the living room .. on a plastic blow-up air mattress that I had left over. (Myself, I had since upgraded to a futon.)

In this particular apartment, the living room was upstairs and the bedrooms were downstairs (being cooler down there).

They kinda took over the living room. The upstairs. (You know how girls are.)

It was nice to have them. They were lots of fun. I had to work during that time, but I did my best to show them a good time. Especially on my days off.

To be honest, they knew more about Hollywood and Hollywood stars than I did. And they knew exactly where they wanted to go and what they wanted to do.

One of the most memorable moments came at a gas station on PCH up in Malibu .. where they spied some hot girl gassing up her pink Corvette.

"Who?" I said.

I had never even heard of this girl, but the girls were speechless. I mean, they were freaked out. Totally. You could tell that they were both beside themselves. For real. You cannot imagine.

A few minutes later and the girl (who was pretty hot, yes) finished filling her tank and drove off.

To be honest, I dont recall the name of the girl at the gas station. Guess I could call my cousin-in-law, but they have since divorced. (Actually, my cousin remarried and he divorced that girl, too.)

Here's my point » celebrity does not freak me out. Never has. Sure, I like to spot them .. but only because I can tell a friend » "Guess who I ran into today at the taco shop?" Or in the sauna.

I normally just let them be .. because you know they are constantly getting worked.

Today's entry continues in Ye Olde Rad Blog v4 .. see here » L'Wren & the Deceptive Pitfalls of Celebrity.


» Radiation tri-blade » Did you notice that the book I was pimping earlier this year [ » Capital in the Twenty-First Century by Thomas Piketty ] was released last month and shot straight to #1 on Amazon? .. surprising everybody, myself included. ( "How do ya like me now?" ) Paul Solmon at PBS Newshour calls it » "Perhaps the most unlikely bestseller in America." Remarkable, no?

Thomas PikettyPiketty's Capital Debuts at #1

Speaking of 'pimping' .. the very last college class I ever signed up for was » Marketing ..

.. cuz I could see that marketing (especially here in the States) is a big thing.

But I dropped that class .. cuz I didnt need it and wasnt feeling the vibe I expected.

(Is marketing about the creativity associated with framing your product in the best possible light? Dealing with people's » wants and needs. Or is it about » following » an » established » set » of » rules?)

I took two (extra) classes beyond what I needed for my degree. Marketing woulda been #3.

My point » I am stoked! that our nation is reading up on and educating themselves on such things.

Because we (badly) need some new ideas ..

.. that dont end in serfdom for you and me and our kids (.. and the rest of us without a hedge fund).

Oh, seems that John says that folks are buying the hard-copy version because » ".. even those who know they will never read it want it on their bookcase."

That's kinda sad. (Or is it?)

This Piketty guy .. he seems so down-to-earth. So grounded. So unaffected by the flash of the lights. That's a good trick, I must admit. A French trick, maybe. (I would be beating my chest like a silverback on Viagra.)

Speaking of pounding my chest like a silverback on Viagra .. I have duplicated the small section of this entry in to its own, separate entry-page (for better focus) .. see here » Piketty's Capital Debuts at #1.

Capital is an » Accounting Construct (Smoke & Mirrors)

Speaking of the economy .. notice in this video here, which features Bethany McLean [ who co-wrote » Enron: Smartest Guys in the Room, which I saw at the Lido theater there in Newport Beach ].

Bethany McLeanShe is contributing at Vanity Fair (.. where Monica dishes on Bill, which sounds interesting).

But after writing about the Enron story, she can probably do whatever she wants.

She is friends with Alex Gibney .. who ranks near the top of my list, after he did Taxi to the Darkside and Park Avenue.

I have not yet seen » We Steal Secrets, but it does look interesting.

[ By the way, congrats Mr. G on the Guggenheim thing. Arent the Guggenheims wealthy philanthropists? Known for donating money to worthy causes? What an amazing legacy of films you have. ]

Bethany and Alex are both definitely bad dudes. Tag team style. If they come calling with cameras, you are fucked, my friend.

Oh, looks like she was born in Dylan's home town. Too weird. I was just talking about Dylan, it seems. Must be a coincidence.

Oh look » Vincent is also from Hibbing (Minnesota). Must be some good water they have there in Hibbing. Good for them. Nice names to have on any list.

She also co-wrote » All the Devils Are Here [.. not in hell where they should be ] with Nocera. Lucky man that Joe. (I like Joe.)

Did you see her in » Money, Power & Wall Street? [ released exactly two years ago ] Try t=22:30 here.

She has a little voice, and says such big things. The contrast works very well. She says the kinds of things that you can only say when you know your shit .. down to the level of nuance.

Rad note » Bethany's statement from her interview with Lauren is so fascinating that I have created a separate entry in order to focus better on the truth that the concept .. see here » Capital is an Accounting Construct (Smoke & Mirrors).

» The "Greatest" Monetary Policy Experiment in History

It is not really part of my theme today, but you should hear this guy (David Zervos) call [ at t=3:30 remaining ] the Federal Reserve's response to the financial crisis of 2008 » "the greatests monetary policy experiment in history."

James Joyce (1882-1941)Dont get me wrong .. he is not saying it in a bad way. No, sir.

Rather he is like » "More champagne! Way to go, Federal Reserve!"

I only cite his quote because it seems to support my notion of the Federal Reserve wax'ing avant-garde ..

.. like James Joyce and avant-garde artists blazing new trails out there on the bleeding edge ..

.. making it up as they go.

Avant-garde-ists are known for boldly going where no artist has gone before.

This guy [ David Zervos ] plays with real money. [ "Or does he?" I can hear Bethany saying. ] By that I mean » he is not (merely) a theorist.

But I can see now [ thanks to Bethany ] that he is not playing with real money. Nonetheless, you can bet your ass that he believes that money is real. =)

These accounting construsts that he plays with .. seem to have some value assigned to them. Some disputable, illusory value.

» Accounting & Moral Reckoning at USC

Later I am going to compare what Bethany said with what this guy said about Accounting. Key word » accounting .. a class which, unlike Marketing, I *did* take.

I got an 89, but the guy would not give me an 'A'. So it is one of the three 'B's on my transcripts. [ The rest of the letter-grades are all 'A's. ]

So I know a little something about accounting. That is one of the classes I took at Franklin & Marshall.

Anyway, the guy who wrote that NYTimes article about Accounting is a professor of History and Accounting at USC. [ Go Trojans! ] Very interesting. Thought-provoking shit. Its ideas have lingered on.

Rad note » the concept encapsulated in Zervos' quote is so telling that I have duplicated the (short) contents of my entry where I discuss his idea .. see here » The "Greatest" Monetary Policy Experiment in History. (Well said.)

» Expressing Gratitude

Thanks, Lauren. Thanks for conducting that interview with Bethany. And also the one with Zervos (.. both at Milken). There are more. Many more. (You know.)

I see you are using my stuff with Heidi's victory lap. It's okay. Lots of people use my stuff. You're right .. she was right.

The #1 way in which I feel that my writing uses what I have learned about digital technology (especially as it pertains to programming languages) ..

.. is the concept of » abstraction .. which is a key method to control complexity. Abstraction in a non-computer science perspective also allows me to build bigger things and more complex tings .. more intricately-patterned things .. that are not computer programs.

And all my individual entries are a form of abstraction .. because I can recall them with a single hyperlink .. as Tolstoy has learned.

And the way that you (and the guys) provide me with people who are qualified to make such statements .. helps me to build these ever more complex things that I am trying to build. The quotes from the people you interview lend a sturdiness to my arguments.

If I say something, people may say » "Who are you, dude?" But if I say something that Bill Gross or some other well-known industry professional has already said .. that gives weight to my argument.

I am just trying to leave my son's generation inherits an economy that isnt pre-primed to trick-fuck them at every turn. And I feel that you help with that.

Which makes me sweet on you. (I can't help it.) Among other things, yes, certainly. Most certainly. But that is the main one.

And you are so good at it, too .. at what you do. Such a natural. (Don't get me started on natural. You know how I love things that grow organically.)

When I was small, my mother once said to me » "Honey, when people are nice to you, it makes me like them."

My goal here, perhaps, with what I do, is this » if they really do fuck things up .. like it APPEARS they are .. in the process of doing ..

.. then it is not going to be because somebody wasnt calling bullshit on their bullshit.

» The Platforms with Springboards

And when you build these new, mini (5 mins or less) efficient » PLATFORMS .. which each one of your videos represents ..

.. then others can come behind you .. and use for platform as a springboard to even further places. That's how it works.

It is beyond the scope of this entry, but .. [ i know that are are thinking » "Is there anything beyond your scope?" ] .. but only because it wouls tike me so long to discuss ..

.. but worth mentioning, perhaps .. that » this thing .. where I get a quote from someone qualified to speak on the subject ..

.. that is one of the main ways that I » resonate with Dostoevsky. Another way is "multi-voicedness" that I have previously (Bakhtin) , sure. But even more than that is the way he uses the believability of the source-character.

Because I do this very naturally. Like it happens on its own. Like there is an of-courseness to it. Natural. Organic.

If I am going to bring the [ writing ] thunder anf I say » "Hobo Bob says you are supposed to kiss my ass," then the dude will say » "Fuck off you and Hobo Bob both."

But if I say » "The king says that you're supposed to kiss my ass," then he will say » "You have the cutest ass, my friend."

I am being funny, yes, but know what I am saying.

This is why I drop links to verses of scripture in some of my entries. It gives my arguments more weight. Actually, you get the weight of the source-quote-person, no? [ Another story. ]

But my point here might be .. that this » technique .. is the #1 way wherein I resonate with Dostoevsky. Most of the time. Without even trying to. Like I can feel his artistic soul close .. if that makes sense.

This is admittedly » esoteric-y shit. Somewhat abstract, perhaps. So you have to strike when the iron is hot (.. like it is right now). Even if maybe it is not a good time for you.

Because you might not get another chance to discuss this .. for a very long time. (If ever.)

But once you throw down a marker like that .. then .. later, when you return to edit text or clarifying an idea (.. because we are constantly learning things about both ourselves and our universe) ..

.. you now have a platform from which to launch into perhaps a very cool discussion.

Before I conclude this section, let me go grab for you the exact quote ..

One more thing .. yes, I admit that I sometimes "bend" my source-quotes to fit my argument, sure. Not much, no. But I am aware of some bending going on, sometimes. Sometimes humorously.

This consciousness, this awareness, I would argue, makes me a better writer than if I did it unconsciously (.. which yes, I'm sure I do, sometimes. But not always.)

I do not enjoy being tedious, like this, so it must serve some other purpose .. that I am not (yet) aware of.

Okay, here is that quote I promised > oh, look! I have already said this .. that this is the number one way that I resonate with Dostoevsky. I wrote that back in January, 2013. Twenty months ago.

Seriously now .. who wants the number one way that they resonate with anybody .. to be the voices that they hear. That is not very far from telling people > "I am i crazy person."

Bukowski said that the writer writes because he must .. because he has to. Because he will go jump off a bridge if he doesnt.

I know that it may indeed seem like a minor point, at times .. yes, this I admit .. but the *is* a difference. you.

So when I feel myself resonating with Dostoevsky .. I PREFER it to be based on the techniue where he lets you the reader judge the validity of his argument/position .. rather that when I give voice to the voice(s). Feel me.

Some times in the future, my inner critic, editor, .. will return to read this, and he will say > "Dude, you have lost your mind."

This is why I need to show him why I havent. And that can get tedious.

See .. that section came at the LAST PAGE of the Aaron Swartz entry. A Geek's geek who killed himself because Uncle Sam fucked with his head.

I was far fucking out by the time I got there .. which came slosely on the heels of the Newtown massacre. I was not in my "right mind" .. you might say.

I seem to keep going here until I get you the quote .. so here I go. It is NOT a Bakhtin quote, no. Rather it is a uote by Pevear. Richard Pevear. The translator. [ You reckon he might be qualified you speak on Dostoevsky? He and his Russian wife? ]

There I am doing it again.

Here's the quote »

Later I would also like to delve into and discuss the #1 way (that I feel) I mirror Dostoevsky in technique. From the intro » "In Dostoevsky, the reader is invited to judge the validity of the idea by the viability of the personality."

And look how I said that » "Later I would l like to delve into and discuss..." Now must be the 'later' that I was talking about. (Or maybe I am just getting closer.) Twenty months is a a long time.

This is very rough, but I am going to publish anyway. Remind me to get for you exact page of source sentence.

There is a sense of legality to this exact uote-ness that I am doing here .. and legality is not exactly my favorite thing .. if you can understand that.

Classical conditioning. So, when I do it .. I just like to get it over with. And be done with it. It can be taxing in that sense.

Thas is why your lawyer will charge you more .. for the the time they spend in the courtroom. (Cuz it suks .. unles you are very good it..)

» Parallel Wave-lenghts

Might be worth noting here, perhaps, because the timings seems so perfect .. is that my original flirt .. which you will find just down the page a wee bit ..

Sliver of Light Spectrum Visible to Humans

.. contains a link to the phrase » "be in trouble" No, don't go there now. I am not going to link to the page .. because I know you will go there. And that would make the 'experience' less organic.

But the link will take you to another page titled » Sex with Powerful Women (« see? I did not link to it, did I?) ..

But when you get there .. to the link that goes to the page on » Sex with Powerful Women (.. women who operated proficiency in a world normally dominated by males) ..

which is a piece on » the Engineer girl.

Uh, see if you do not recognize some interesting parallels .. not the least of which seems to be my notion of running parallel with. (Alongside.)

Cuz it kinda sets-the-tone for the entire article (demonstration). Tho yes, I admit that the sexual component is not far. (At least, not for me.)

» Dealing with the Panther

That last image of you that I grabbed. The one I am going to lead with .. that is a good shot of you. Almost too good. If such a thing were possible.

The Panther of Male Sexual Energy when it sees something that it likes and wants (badly)I can feel it bringing out the flirt in me. And the panther (see below) always follows the flirt »

» "Where you going, dawg? Maybe I should follow and see what you are up to. Chicks dig you."

Marvin Gaye sang a song that basically says » "How can it be wrong if you are really, truly, genuinely feeling it?"

And if another feels mutually the same and likewise ("exquisitely attuned" to each other)

[ Should I play it for you? ]

How can it be wrong .. if you are just letting genuine feelings express themselves? .. and see, perhaps, if perchance the two might resonate with each another.

But mentioning the Sex with Powerful women before delivering the flirt itself is preempting. Hemingway hates preempting. "Ornate scroll-work," he calls it.

So, the writer in me does not like that I am doing it, but I am going on intuition. And I can always lift and delete later.

Anyway, if she tells you to fuck off » "Dude, I'm just not feeling it." Then you go fuck off .. and find someone who appreciates your own particular mix of gifts and talents and jokes.

Jokes are very important with women. The dog taught me this. If you can make a girl laugh good and hard .. she is at your mercy. (And if you can ring her bell, too.)

But the Internet is not the easist tool to convey humor. As it is, for say, the comic on stage. Or where ever you happen to be standing, breathing, being. And bell-ringing looks very challenging from here.

Some people seem to feel that .. if THEY are feeling it .. then you MUST be feeling it. But I have found that .. if they are indeed feeling it (drumroll, plsl) » they will LET YOU KNOW.

[ In ways far beyond anything you could have ever imagined. Which usually begins with a glance. ]

Speaking of being a natural .. I don't know how Aaron does it. I could never do his job. I would be in trouble and get fired. Two weeks, max.

The Lovely and Talented Miss Lauren at Yahoo Finance» Flirting in the Digital Age

Would you say that I am flirting right now? What would you call this?

I might have a blindspot in this area .. because it seems to come very naturally. (At times.)

And people sometimes think that I am flirting when I don't think I am. In middle school (grades 6-7-8) I was voted "Class Flirt".

Which surprised me. Very much. Really. But I won't get into that right now.

My point is that » people (sometimes) think I am flirting when I don't think I am. (I feel that » if I were flirting with them .. the girl would know it.)

Rad note » This section on Flirting in the Digital Age has experienced enough subject-frift that I have lifted and moved it to its own entry .. see here » Flirting in the Digital Age (.. which remains a work-in-progress).

I am in the process of porting the rest of this section into their own separate pages .. which will take a while.

The Monster Tour | Los Angeles, New York, Detroit» The Monster Interview

Speaking of unleashing the beast and things that are red-hot in the Twenty-first century ..

.. and while I feel at liberty to make suggestions .. something I am reluctant to do .. since you are already doing such a great job at what you do ..

.. I would try to schedule an interview with Marshall & Rihanna .. regarding their upcoming tour.

They obviously do not need the publicity .. so it would have to be something else to motivate them.

But I resonate with them .. on multiple levels .. so that would suggest that they would (also) resonate with you. And it's always nice to be in the company of those with whom you (naturally) resonate.

Certainly these tours have an economic effect on the local economies (Los Angles, New York, Detroit). Seems like much fruitful ground to explore .. on numerous fronts. Heck, Detroit is an economic story in itself.

They seem so different, yet they seem to work together so well (creatively). I am genuinely interested in their chemistry.

No doubt they will be very busy preparing [ « i used to date a girl who lived in Lititz, a transplanted Jersey girl who worked for my insurance agent (State Farm), great little town ] but capturing the essense of this controlled chaos would be part of the challenge.

Interviewing either one of them alone would be great .. but both together .. well, you know. Big, big, big .. 720 million is a lot of views.

Here's a question I would ask » "So, do you guys have any surprise special guests planned?"

Also » "How do you deal with the ego-stoking effects of selling out such large venues so quickly?"

Also » "Do you ever long to perform in smaller, more intimate settings?"

Also » "How's Spike doing?"

Also » "Have you seen the new James Brown flick yet?" [ strong reviews ]

If they havent » "Can I join you guys when you go see it? My treat. And I'll even spring for a large bucket of popcorn."

If you can get Spike to go, you would have a perfect foursome .. with an interesting color/gender mix.

Also » "Have you seen Dre's new place yet? Has he invited you over for a bar-b-q?"

If they havent » "Tell him to put me on the invite-list."

I have no idea about how these things are arranged .. but you do. (And they do, also.)

If you do .. that will make plausible deniability much more difficult. But it will also demonstrate how this Twenty-first century thing (.. which includes embracing duality) works.

Tho my intuition senses that timing there is somehow important.

Speaking of seeing the new James Brown biopic .. what do you think about interviewing Jagger? He produced the film and reportedly enjoys the company of young, attractive talented women. From what I've heard.

Tho a closer look reveals that you might be a bit old for him.

I don't get the same intuitive sense of importance of timing with him. No idea why there might be a difference.

But you know what they say » greatest rock-n-roll band of all time.

» The JFL Look

Oh, I see the shirt is back. Hopefully you had a chance to wash it. And now you have the hair thing going on .. the messy hair. My friend Maria calls that the » "JFL-look" .. tho she never told me what the initials stand for.

You are definitely a pretty girl. [ « Wow, you look good there. Holy moly. Yikes. That is totally cheating .. putting you next to an old, ugly guy like that (.. like they do with Megyn Kelly at Fox News). I didnt hear a thing Sam said. Even to he is obviously a good speaker. ]

Have you noticed how, when some people think you are hot, then other people think you are hot, to? (I call that » the clooney-effect.)

Heidi Moore at The Guardian» Heidi Always has Interesting Things to Say

You and Heidi make a good team. I like her. Heidi kicks ass. And she always has interesting stuff to say. And she articulates her concepts and points well. Very clearly.

After the Film school girl left to move back in with her mom, I moved my shit into the living room and put an add in the Penny-Saver for roomies .. to help pay rent (there in Laguna).

One of the girls who moved in was named Heidi. It was actually the utility room .. where the washer & dryer had been removed. Not even as big as a jail cell but it had its own entrance and you could get to the bathroom without going thru the rest of the house. $400/mo. She took it the same day I placed the ad and was thrilled to get it.

This place, I hear, had been a church 50 or 60 years earlier. Good vibes. Right there on PCH (noisy). A few blocks from Shaw's Cove. Maria remodeled it and runs it as a vacation rental now .. for big bucks.

That's where I was living when I met the Bug's mom. She said, "You gotta get out of this crazy place." That was before she became the Bug's mom. 'Crazy,' I learned, is a relative term.

» Pastor Gives Me Shit about Sexual Innuendo

On the subject of flirting, remind me to tell you the story about the pastor who - right in the middle of his sermon - looked me dead in the eye and quoted some verse of scripture that he said referred to » sexual innuendo (.. as being a thing we should not do). Like he was talking directly to me. (And nobody else.)

Maybe it's just me, but it seemed like that part of his sermon had nothing to do with anything else that he was talking about.

Notice how the word innuendo implies a » derogatory thing. I can assure you that I in no way mean my flirting in/as a derogatory way/thing. Far from it.

At the time of pastor's speech I had (very previously) been dating this girl who sang at this church .. and then I wasnt. And I think she talked to him about me » "And do you know what else he does..."

Thas was a girl, mind you, who I was dating at the time. At the time I was sayin these things to her. Normally, you don't date someone unless you are attracted to them.

She was a good singer. Very good. Gifted, even. Little girl. Big voice. Long story. (I've always had a thing for singers. Who knows why?)

Anyway, does this feel in any way derogatory? If it did, I would delete the whole flirt-thing in a nano-sec.

But it's a challenging topic to discuss with finesse and I can best discuss it while I am actually doing it.

Jesse Discusses » the Secrets to Flirting

Oh, update (July 12, 2014) .. look at this » Salon posted an article titled » The Secret to Successful Flirting. Subtitled » New research suggests that it's not WHAT you say that attracts the opposite sex but HOW you say it.

This article (by Jesse Bering, I like him already) was originally published in the Scientific American (on July 10, 2014) under the title » Voices Carry (Signals of Your Sexual Intent and Reproductive Value).

But since the pastor gave me shit about it .. maybe I should just say that I appreciate your professional contributions there at Yahoo Finance .. and not flirt with you (.. or whatever you want to call it).

Tho I must admit that there is a part of me that wants to off-load this section into a separate entry titled » Flirting with Lauren. Catchy, no? Or how about » Flirting in the Twenty-first Century? .. to play off Piketty's book. Or my favorite » Flirting in the Digital Age.

But first I need to pull out my trip to the Commodore's office. Oh, (update) look at that .. it is » done-y done-done. You are so in trouble, now, girl. (This, I admit, is fun. Lots of fun.) But note how » it is done thru (via) » bits and bytes. In other words » digitally.

Sure, everybody knows that the web is a powerful thing .. and that it uses digital technology to allow the authos/artist/person an impressive array of tools that allow you to create nearly any message imaginable.

[ Is there life out there? ]

But how to wield that power .. that will take some exploring, I am sure, in order to finesse the range of that power.

Which is a different thing .. than live in the flesh. No? (And I am a big fan of live in the flesh .. let me tell you.) Digital technology allows you to transcent the limitations of the flesh .. which, of course, I have none.

There are some .. you probably know a few yourself. People who .. the thing that really turns them on .. is something that happens » in the mind.

And I must admit that .. the first time I heard you talking .. I thought to myself » that girl is too hot to be taken very seriously. But I was wrong. (I am hot, right now, arent I? I can totally felel it. I am kinda exploring it. You can tell me to stop at any time.

Oh, wait. There might be another entry I need to lift first. What do you think? .. if I pull-out the part of this entry that deals with George Bush and transfer it to a separate entry titled » Thanks for the Memories, George. [ Update, done. ]

There are basically two types of girls that I have found .. those who like to be teased .. and those who don't.

This here is the 'natural' part thingie that I was trying to describe .. but seems difficult to describe. So I have been trying to figure out o way .. as they say in the wring world » show, don't tell.

But sometimes .. in order to show something .. you first need to understand this other thing (about me). So let me just be direct and tell you what this other thing is .. so that I can go ahead and show you the thing that I want to show you.

In a way that challenges me. My skills. Not only my digital skills, and not only my writing skills .. but also my ability hone the message I send over/via/thru those other tools/techniques.

I'm talking about the thing that you receive on the receiving end. Because even the flesh is limited in its 'understanding' by electro-chemical impulses in the brain.

I somehow feel like I am talking about communication skills. And exploring the range of those tools using digital (and writing) technologies to their fullest.

Most recently, I have exploring the use of these skills to try to get a message to our leaders .. our elected leaders .. to provide a 'google-street-view,' if you will .. send it up to their palaces.

And my message, more or less, has been »s "Kind sir, this shit down here looks pretty ugly. You can come down here yourself and take a look if you would like."

But experience has shown me that they pay such nicities no mind. So they have forced me to sharpen my message. "Have your it way, dawg. Sharpen, this I can do."

Anyway, I feel like you have helped in that area .. so (to me, anyway) you seem like something of a kindred spirit on a parallel path. For a while, anyway.

And that makes me like you. That makes me sympathise with you .. dare I say? » resonate with.

xxx

xxx [ totally rad editor » what are you doing here, dude? have you completely lost your mind? how am i supposed to edit this shit? girls obviously fuck up your head. you have bitten off here more than you can chew and now i have to deal with the consequences or your rambo writing ego. but yes, i will admit .. she is a hottie. everybody likes her. don't do what you normally do. you are what? Zero for 13 now?" to be honest, i lost count. and now you think that 14 is supposed to be a charm? i'm not feeling it, dawg. are you delusional? you get like this every time a hottie smiles at you. you would think that after the first nine or ten failures that you woulda gotten the message. i know you are obviously a smart dude .. cuz i read the shit you write. kudos where they are deserved. but girls make you stupid. i guess .. if you absoluetly must get crazy with a girl .. it might as well be with a hottie. does she do yoga? she does has a nice voice, and i know how important that is to you. ]

xxx Oh, I see the end .. the completion of the circle ..

xxx [ rad commentary » for me it more difficult to write when I do not (can not) see the end. And sometimes I just jump into something and throw down when I somehow sense that the planets are aligned with the stars .. but don't really know where it (I, we, us) will end up. These kind of entries are more 'unsettling' .. is not the right word, but you catch my drift .. anyway, my point is that » when I finilly see the completion of the circle .. it is a BIG thing. Cuz then, beyond merely feeling more 'settled' .. I can keep out an eye for ways to splash artistic color that will impress the shit out of my intended audience .. (yes, even if that intended audience is just one person.) And especially so. And not always being on the lookout for where I am going. normally i would never even think of writing such things as i am writing now. But my inner rad editor (critic, asshole) was giving me shit. "Fuck you, dude," I say to him. How do you like *them* apples?" There is a challenge in writing this type of thing. Does it not seem as tho your very personality is fracturing before your very eyes? There is a part of me .. that seems to periodically challenge myself .. to go beyond what i have done before .. to do ever more difficult and complex and challenging things. "Look .. there is something that has never before been done in the history of the species .. let's try that. Could be fun. Probably meet some interest folk along the way. Rumor has it there's a hot chick who works down that way. You should check her out." ]

<britney update never done before> Hmm. I couldnt help but notice that Britney said that she wants to do something that she's never done before ..

.. and that she wants to do it with Katy Perry.

I must say .. that caused one of my eyebrows to pop up .. as I thought » "Sounds rather suggestive to me."

To be honest .. I thought that Britney had already done somethng that she never did before. But hey, who would not like to do something that they have never done before with Katy Perry?

I have always had a thing for singers and feel comfortable with them.

<end britney update doing things she has never done before with katy perry>

xxx

And the fact that you are an attractive woman .. well, here we are. I will let today's entry speak for itself.

You will notice that I really like Martin Smith, but I am not flirting with him, am I?

I know how to do this flirting thing .. but I need to be inspired.

This looks like the perfect place, then .. to say that I can see the completion of my (flirting) circle .. which actually began with a link to the engineer-girl .. with whom I was also running parallel .. for a season, anyway.

And really, no one would catch the flirt unless they clicked on the link. The flirter must be cautious .. because you never know.

But then I came right out and asked the question. I seemed to be asking myself that same question. "Dude, are you flirting with this girl? Cuz I think you are."

And the ideas / advice / suggestions to » write what you know .. and » show dont tell came to mind. This really lets me explore these topics far more than I thought imaginable.

This is very much writing right now. No editing going on here. Not yet anyway. I feel like I am using the energy from the flirt .. to explore things and ideas in the movie that I find interesting.

How could you ever plan something like that? I dont think you could.

That is why I am exploring. There is a part of me that feels naked when I write a lot without editing. When I can go back later and sculpt the text to make it says exactly what I want it to say.

But on the bleeding edge, there is a feeling like » you don't even know what you are saying. At least not yet. And that is the thing that makes you feel naked.

But if you do it enough .. you start to get used to it. And maybe even enjoy it.

And I sorta feel that the more of the creative juicy-juice that you can process (produce) .. this somehow helps to enlarge your capacity for more the next time.

Tho they definitely seem to be getting bigger .. in a way more than merely word-count. I am kinda checking out myself and narrating a tour so maybe I can return here and help me figure shit out.

Optimize the skill/technique by empathizing.

How about this for a title? » Flirting at the Edge of Tomorrow? This means I would have to blend the flirting with the movie.

To be honest, I have no idea of how that would play out .. but it would involve the fusing of some real stuff also with imaginary elements in/from the movie. What could go wrong?

Tho the movie would totally open up and give legs (freedom of expression) to the flirting energy.

I might just go with it and see where it takes me.

But ordinarily it is usually the part where (as Bukowski and Dylan both say) » where the girl wants my soul .. the the relationship tends to run in to trouble. For me, anyway.

Now I am actually pretty good about doing casualty control .. cause of all the other times that girls have 'educated' me .. about what NOT to do.

But (as you know) guys can be slooow learners .. specially in shit they are not too crazy about learning. Feel me? (I know you do. I can tell.)

But, you know a few cracks in the head with a baseball bat will get the attention of the most untrainable of the untrained.

I will share a secret with you. This is how I work. I throw up (post) the next entry .. and while folks are reading (and thinking about) that .. I sneak down here to flirt with you.

It is easier to wax intimate / thoughtful / honest .. when you don't feel like the spotlight in on you.

That's why I could never do you job. Tho you make it looks eay. And fun. And educational. Concisely.

That is .. by the way .. what makes a good team .. when one person is good at something that other other person is not. And vice versa.

A voice in my head is saying right now » "Dude .. slow it the fuck down, okay? You're starting to freak me out."

Experience has told me he's usually right.

This is very creative .. what I am doing now. I am kinda freaking myself out. But I have done crazier shit, before.

I have noticed .. say what you will .. that when the really creative stuff comes .. it brings along with it .. something that converts very easily into sexual energy. Very easily. (Don't say I didnt warn you.)

I am flirting right now somewhere above level 1. At least level 2 .. maybe even level three .. cuz it got so hot that my conscience (who gives me much leeway) was starting to give me shit.

And yes, I have been so caught up with the thingie thing .. that I have gone and thrown down anyway.

But you will get your ass kicked for that .. so you gotta really want it. (Bad.)

There is a school of thought that says > write what you know. The downside of this approach (they say) is that » you lose imagination.

To which the writer must concede some validity, no? So if you write what you know (like me), then I (consciously) try to evoke imagination. Somehow. It is never far .. always suggesting things.

But the main rails .. the main structural scaffolding .. if you will, I try to [ this is me being somewhat intimate ] I try to have that be » experiental. There is actually a better word for it .. but I am very abstract right now and I will lose the flow if I go find that (better) word.

Once you have the juicy-juice, you try to stay with it. Ride the dragon .. is what it feels like for me. Because it can take such drastic turns .. that are hard to stay with.

There is a part of me [ i just saw it ] that wants you to like me. Normally I (easily) reject that .. because I have so disappointed. You are sorely tempted to call it quits and chalk it up to a nice science experiment ..

.. one in which you learned a lot of valuable shit .. such as » what NOT to do. Some people call these » critical errors. [ As I began to update this entry with info about my initial+a_few_days my inner editor glaced up at this text here and said » "Dude, what in the world are you talking about (there)?" ]

Edge of Tomorrow | Live. Die. Repeat.» Edge of Tomorrow with Tom Cruise

By the way .. did you see the new Tom Cruise movie? » Edge of Toworrow » subtilted » Live. Die. Repeat. (Very strong reviews.

Some have said that it reminds them of the Matrix, but I think it went beyond.)

I am totally gonna talk about that movie. I just saw it. Actually .. that is "the thing" that I first need to talk about .. before I can focus on flirting with you.

Because I just saw it a few days ago and I want to capture my initial impressions. Before they start to fade (.. but after I have had time to absorb them).

But I was impressed. Waay.

So, after I finish doing that .. I am coming back to *really* flirt with you. (An important part of proper flirting involves setting the anticipation.) So far, I have merely been toying with you. But I will return with the heavy artillary.

So you might wanna look around for something sturdy to grab hold of. [ Talk about bringing the thunder. Did you notice .. that I make good babies? Even people who dont like me (hard to believe they exist, I know) .. even people who dont like me say » "I must admit, you DO make good babies." ]

I think that I am going to lift out the section on flirting .. and post it in its own, separate entry on August 1st. That will be the 1-year anniversary of my » Writing entry.

That would certainly set a high standard. I'll see what I can do.

Screenshot of Scheduled Publishing Status for Movable Type Software Backend dated July 29 (2014)Okay, I have already started the entry and already set the "Scheduled Publishing" status to publish on August 1st at 8:01 AM (Chicago time.)

I guess we'll see if it works.

Even if I die before then, it will still publish » at the appointed time.

I have never done this before. This entry contains many such things that I have never done before.

Anyway .. it is actually a lot of work to throw-together these entries. [ My ego is saying » "Dude, tell her that this shit is not as easy as you make it look." ]

Yin-yang tattoo, well-placedBut I have been learning that TIMING is involved in what I do (.. resonating).

In being a guy .. in order to resonate from you power, you have to be yourself. (And the girl has to be herself, too.)

That is why girls who want to change into THEIR mold, rather than trying to make the other person be more of THEMSELF (..uh, are these called muses?).

Soif you can get into a relationship where you cann help the girl be more of herself and she can help you become more of yourself .. then these types of relationships tend to produce the best (healthiest) results.

But this is no easy feat to pull off. (Even for me.) But every once in a while this crazy voice starts talking to me. "It's NOT a unicorn."

And I say, "Dude, every time I listen you, I get my ass kicked. Very badly."

And the dude says, "Yeah, but wasnt it totally worth it? Easily?"

And I hate to admit it .. but he's right.

And I go » "Fuck, here we go again." [ Relate / compare this here what I am talking about right now to how Tom Cruise keeps getting shot in the head by that pretty girl who does yoga amid the whirling death-machines.

He's like » "You kill me, girl."

There was a scene along those lines where I caught myself laughing out loud .. where she just shoots him a whole shitload of times in the head, and he is like » "Fuck it. Shoot me now. Go ahead and get it over with. I hope you dont think I find this fun .. this getting shot in the head every fucking day ..

.. but if you say that it what I need to do. Because the idea of mimics in London right now does not seem so bad to me, right about now. This shit sucks and it sucks pretty badly. In fact [ i am into streram of consciousness right now, btw. if i say more about it, i may lose it. ] ..

.. here it is » and truth be told, you are the only reason i am doing this. and you are going to sacrifice yourself in the end, so that i can do what i need to do.

So you are somewhat shaming me into doing what I am doing [ I am into the Edge of Tomorrow movie right now. I was gonna talk about that in another place. So I should quit. But I am playing it off you .. so maybe I should cheat and break some of the rules and continue with this train of thought.

Here's the thing .. I really do feel like I am living this day over .. no, not in a Edge of Tomorrow way .. but in another way. Just today. Not yesterday. And I will have to see tomorrow if tomorrow is today. But far as I can tell, it is only for today. Or a glitch in the Matrix, maybe.

Oh, update .. now it is tomorrow .. like I originally thought it was. What is going on? Oh, I see where I misundertood. But I still thought today was yesterday. As long as tomorrow is tomorrow, we're good.

If you were a writer, you would probably write things to yourself .. so that when you go back to tomorrow .. you are smarter than you are today.

Along these lines of strange-ness I got this thing about » 10-28 and 10-29. You will think I'm crazy if I tell you how I got them .. but if something out of the ordinary happens on 10-28 and 10:29 .. then you can say » "He knew. He somehow knew."

Right now I have no idea what might happen on thise days .. I dont even know what days of the week they are. But I can certainly (try to) find out.

Here's what I know for sure » June 28th is day WWI began [ 100 years ago, to the day ] and June 29th is the day after. The day after WWI began.

It kind freaks me out a little, but I can't really write it publically. And it's really no big thing. But, yes earlier I was feeling like it was yesterday. Really, really.

In that respect » Edge of Tomorrow is a love story. I really like that she gives him one and only one kiss .. at the very end. Talk about a meaningful kiss.

"What's that you say? I have to face the whirling killers of death every day until I can proceed onto the real death machines themselves? Okay .. let's DO this thing."

On the way home, I had a friend ask me what I thought and I said that I was somewhat blown away and that I probably needed a few days to fully digest the "experience."

Well, now is "a few days." I totally did not expect that to go here. Wow. It's kinda of freaking me out. Cuz I keep trying to set it aside and it keeps coming here.

Let me try to quit one more time .. by saying this (let's see if this works) .. let me (try to) conclude by telling you what I told my friend » "I was struck by, first of all, Tom Cruise's ability to show vulnerability." Almost blown away.

I did not know Tom Cruise had it in him. Or maybe I just associate (in my mind) Tom Cruise with something or someone who does not know vulnerability.

» Sweaty Warrior Chick Does Yoga Amid the Whirling Blades of Death

Emily Blunt doing yoga amid the whirling blades of death in Edge of TomorrowSecondly, I told my friend that "I was struck by the girl doing yoga amid the whirling blades of death ..

.. peace and calm and tranquility in the midst of the storm."

That shit got my attention .. in a big way. [ Full Metal Bitch. ]

Notice how she refuses to let him fail .. no matter how badly he might want to. (At times.)

"Hey, I'm not even qualified for combat."

"I'll teach you."

"Again!"

" Again! You must succeed or die."

The Tom Cruise line that made me laugh out loud (I was the only one laughing.) » "Oh! Come ON now!"

I totally am familair with the frustration and exasperation that this scene evokes. "No, please! I can still feel my toes."

Whenever I laugh out loud by myself like that .. it makes me think of the Writing class I had a F&M. Cuz I laughed out loud by myself in that class, too. [ You can't help it if something strikes you fancy or plays off of your sense of humor. ]

Notice also, that this is the very place/scene where the MOVIE ENDS. [ The place where she does yoga amid the whirling blades of death. ]

That was a great look by Tom at the end. And he made it look easy. From there the imagination is set loose to run free.

Regarding the ultimate warrior chick doing yoga amid the whirling blades of death .. there is a scene in Deepak Chopra's book on Buddha. It also is a creative thing based on what facts can be ascertained from anything that happened twenty-five hundred years ago.

And in Deepak's story .. he has an old ascetic explore and wander up to this place where super-duper devils hang out. (No air to breathe.)

And the ascetic is meditating in front of this bad-ass demon .. who starts giving him shit and telling him how badly he is going to fuck him up for daring to enter his domain.

Until the old ascetic guy says, "Buddha is coming, dawg. Just thought you might wanna know. And he will have your ass." It's like he's fucking with the demon.

Anyway, maybe you can see why I thought of that scene in Deepak's story about Buddha when I saw that girl perfectly still amid the whirling blades of death.

And she is sweating .. and doing a cobra. Dude, cobra is hard to do. If you can do a real cobra .. you are a real yoga chick (like Kino).

Tho being hot-n-sweaty makes the body, the muscles, the joints, more pliable. In other words, you can stretch better and further when you're hot and sweaty.

And everybody knows that yoga chicks ruin you for all other women. It's like wrestling with a python. A strong muscular python. A most sensuous constrictor.

Let's face it .. any time you hear a kick-ass warrior chick say » "Come find me when you wake up." .. right before she blows up .. uh, you know your life is about to depart the ordinary.

As I walked out of the theater, a voice seemed to say » "Dude, did not parts of that movie seem familiar?"

Hemingway says that .. good writing is when the reader feels like it really happened to them. Like it becomes real for them.

If (when) I am really going to summon the full range of my artistic abilities for an entry .. I will not drink any coffee for three days (..HeadachesVille) and then, on the fourth, have a cup .. and go to work. Eating only fresh oranges if you get hungry or tired.

The effect is dramatic. You not only reap the sense of self-control by denying your body something (demonstrating self-control) .. but you also get the vrrrrmmm that comes after the cup . And now, if you dont eat very much for the next day or two .. you are feeling the energy very strongly.

The NSA must have control of my computer .. because the words » "that is crazy" just flashed up on the screen.

No, you can't do this often. And yes, it is manipulating body chemistry .. so you have to make sure that your intention (aim, goal, desire, outcome) is defensible.

If however, I were planning to craft an entry on flirting .. instead of on a movie review of Edge of Tomorrow .. I would eat a juicy steak .. rather than oranges. Meat. Red meat.

And I am there now for that .. but it is coming here. What does that mean? It doesnt always mean what you think it means .. usually it means FAR MORE THAN you think it means.

But my entry on the movie seems to be COMING WITH the flirt. I feel like I need to think about that.

Fear of the unknown. Edge of the lunar landscape. "Hello?"

Hmm .. maybe I do not need to first off-load / write my impressions of the movie. I have much more to say about the movie, tho. Thoughts. Impressions. How the movie resonates with me in particular.

My biggest question .. that I found myself pondering .. is » how much of the movie is the director and how much is the writer?

Either way, that means that the director kicks ass. Even if the writer kicked ass ass and was responsible for much of the story.

Let me throw out some words that capture, maybe, my sense of the film » imaginative. expansive (in a mind-expanding sort of way).

It challenges you to be persistent and keep at it (whatever "it" might happen to be for you) .. until you get it .. even if you keep getting your ass kicked.

By those clever fucks who seem to know what you're thinking .. who seem to know what you're going to do before you do.

And the crew that you have to work with is certainly a motely looking bunch. So you are gonna have to figure out a way to whip them into shape .. and do it quickly because you don't have much time.

Was not the arc of Tom Cruise's character rather dramatic?

At the very end, the girl is like » "Who said you can talk to me?"

And he is like » "You're not going to believe this, but .. the more I talk the more believable it will sound. Let me tell you some things about yourself that no one else in the entire universe knows." [ That always gets their attention. ]

And you can only really get to that place with someone when you have told them things that nobody else knows. [ That's called intimacy. ]

But the more you know about a person .. the more intimately connected to them you feel. Which tends to complicate things and can affect your rational sense of judgment. So maybe you shouldnt tell me your middle name. Cuz it only seems to make it harder to do what I need to do.

<ignore this intentional text marker>

But most girls do not want to go out to the edge of a lunar landscape with you. No. Thery are like, "What the fuck are you doing?"

And I say, "I am doing what I must do. If you don't want to come along, I can totally understand that. If fact, I would think it crazy that you would want to come. So I won't tell you what to do if you don't tell me what to do? Deal? But this is what I was doing when I met you, isnt it? How many times can you insist that a man change to accomodate your desires before you start to lose respect for him? So if you can't reconcile yourself to those facts-on-the-ground .. then we should probably call it quits here and protect the memory of the good times we had. Because they were indeed good. Very cool. Double very."

But does it not seem like the way that Tom Cruise keeps getting killed (everyday) plays into my relationships with girls?

This feels very organic. Not easy to do it like that. (I've never done anything like this before. At least, I don't think I have.)

Tom Cruise rock-climbing at intro to MI2 in 2000I must say .. regarding Tom Cruise .. the intro to MI2, where he climbs Dead Horse Point in Utah ..

.. is one of my favorite movie intro's of all time.

Which I saw on the giant screen at the Big Newport.

I turned to my Film-school friend and said » "Now, THAT'S how you start a movie."

» The Yearning

But there is a yearning inside the heart of every man to resonate with a person who can explore the depths of each other. You might use the term soul-mate, but that term seems to be the object of _____ (you fill in the word) due to people who find the object so elusive. (illusive?)

That word will work for now .. but I am actually talking about transcending that. Or at least I think am.

And when you communicate on an intimate level .. you natural must look to yourself .. in order to really see the truth in and the gist of the thing that you want to communicate.

You have four or five minutes. As you can see, I do not have that limit. But I do not have video. I have text and images .. and only links to other videos that others have made. Actually, I get my images from the web, too. But I re-size them .. so give me some credit there.

Along with the skill involved in choosing an image that resonates with the text .. in a clever, artistic, even funny way.

Have you ever noticed that you said something to somebody and they took it the wrong way because they did not have the same experiences that you yourself have had. (That usually suks.)

Hold on a sec while I go do some yoga and meditate and pump iron .. okay, I'm back. Whew .. that felt good. (No, I didnt actually go do it, it was a joke, but the idea does sound appealing. Down-dog back-stretch.)

Guys are, generally speaking, more into things that you do with their bodies .. than with their minds .. as if you didnt already know. But if we must do the mind thing in order to be welcomed into the body thing .. then let me put on my thinking cap ..

.. because I seem to have the body thing figured out rather well, if I don't say so myself. (Tho I most certainly do.)

I did not mean to go off on a tangent there .. I was intending to discuss something else. But before I tell you that .. I first need to tell you this other. No, just kidding. But maybe not.

One of the best things about an intimate relationship .. is that, you can learn lot about yourself by the things that the other person can see about you .. that you-yourself can't see .. from your perspective of looking out from the inside.

Now, sometimes, unfortunately, some people can only see the bad. They even seem to see bad that you yourself can't see .. no matter how hard and long you look.

There is much here we [ ooh, I am talking about relationships now. cool. ] we could talk about .. but the short version is this » you don't want to be around people who can only see bad things in you. Rather, you want to be with people who see mostly good (.. for at least 26 or 27 days a month).

And if you let me help, I bet we can get it up to 28 or 29. You should always leave yourself something short of perfection. Something to strive for.

Nobody wants to be around anybody who cannot see how truly cool you really are. At least, not for very long.

My inner critic is funny. He is like, "Dude, how am I supposed to edit this shit?"

But he is the best of the best. What what he does with. It may take him a while, cuz I give him so much to do. And he will probably give me shit while he's doing it .. but he usually impresses me.

The entry on » Writing .. is good because it allows me to SHOW you something .. when I tell you something. (That's actually a cool thing.)

To be honest, I somehow feel that my 'thing' for Miss Lauren is beyond mere physical attraction. Beyond flirting. Beyond even sex (.. if such a thing is possible). Women have caused me so much pain in my life that I don't go there unless big horses are dragging me. It's probably a Pavlovian thing.

I will also admit that flirting need not include sexual innuendo. Sure. But humans are (naturally) sexual creatures. That's how we make the next generation come alive. Afternoon delight. In other words » it's hard-wired into our genes. And people who repress mother nature usually pay a price.

I once had a girl tell me » "You have a very healthy approach to sex." (Or something like that.)

I did not follow up with questions seeking to understand more about what (precisely) she meant .. which, I guess, would explore what, to her, represented an 'unhealthy' approach.

But yes, sex should be (is) a beautiful, sacred, intimate thing. A union of two souls exploring the universe together. This is why hostility in a relationship is so destructive .. because it makes you reluctant to let down your guard, which is necessary for intimacy. And sex without intimacy .. why bother?

To let down your guard .. that involves » vulnerability, no? That takes courage. I have always admired people who are confident enough to let themselves become vulnerable.

Because I know how hard it can be.

What do you call a relationship that involves no vulnerability? I don't know .. but it hardly seems worth pursuing.

Franklin & Marshall campus | Lancaster, PennsylvaniaSpeaking of innuendo (earlier) .. while I was at F&M, the English professor there returned a paper to me once, marked with the word » 'innuendo'.

(He used green ink, btw, to mark up your essays, which I thought was clever on his part. We submitted one essay each week for the entire semester.)

I had heard of the word, but wasnt sure what exactly he meant by it, what he was trying to say, so I looked it up in a dictionary.

My understanding after reading the definition was that innuendo was an indirect implication, where you are (merely) suggesting something rather than coming right out and saying it directly.

Which yes, I was trying to do in that particular paper. Subtlety. Nuance. Nobody comes right out says » "I would like to have sex with you" (.. even if they would).

My point is that I was using a technique that I did not even know had a name. So it obviously came to me very naturally. He did not say the technique was wrong or bad (.. I dont think, anyway) .. only that he identified it (by name). [ You can file this parapraph under the heading » know thyself. ]

I should also note that I can be direct .. if the situation warrants it. (Watch me talk to Lanny a little further down the page.) I talk right-plain to George.

Oh, I see you have sat down with the Bond King. And posted three or four segments. It looks like you are here in Newport Beach.

I would come and take you out for a taco at La Fogata there in Corona del Mar (.. where Kobe goes) and introduce you to Norman, who runs the joint. [ Norman is very cool. His daughter is the same age as my son.

Lean, tight, strong, athletic, flexible, muscularTho he says that Kobe has been sending his "personal assistant" to pick up lunches lately. He says "she's in great shape". "I bet," I said. ]

Then I would even invite you to join my blue-eyed son and me to see How to Train your Dragon II (strong reviews) at the Big Newport .. but I have no car, no driver's license. (Long story. Very long.) It would take all day to get there on the bus.

Update - I saw this movie with him the day before the Fourth of July. Oh my God. I had such a good time with him. Hadnt seen him in a while. I so badly wanted our time together to be flawless. It was better than I could have imagined.

He is such a cool kid. I am so proud of him. I mean, he is impressive. He is able to hold a decent conversation about a wide array of topics .. for a nine year old.

And then fireworks together on the Four. Best fireworks ever .. specially the grand finale. Wow. Double wow.

The Fourth has always been my favorite holiday. The Fourth is also the day that his mom left with him. Nine years ago. To the day. His age makes the need for counting unnecessary.

Anyway, I think this is our 3rd Fourth together. I had such a great time with him that it actually reminded me of the time I had when my mom came down to Lancaster with Nana .. to spend a long weekend with me there.

Supernaturally good. Fun. Easy. Lots of laughs. The best restaurants. A piano player named Fess tickling keys in the background somewhere.

I think she knew that she was going to die. Not consciously, no. Because she didnt find out about the cancer until the week after she left to return home. But I think she knew. And I've always been grateful for that weekend. Beyond what (mere) words can express.

Anyway .. one of the first things that the Bug and I like to do (on the evening of our first night together) .. is to watch the latest episode of Wipeout ..

Jill Wagner busts a move on Wipeout.. with the Johns (serious John and silly John) and Jill Wagner ..

.. who just dyed her hair blond. (She's very funny. She 'gets' guy-humor.)

We laugh our asses off. These people, the contestants, they get smacked down like you wouldnt believe.

For $50,000. So they're motivated.

This was the first time that the Bug rooted for some and against others. Before, we used to watch only for the entertainment value. (Splat.)

Now he has favorites. Interesting to watch kids and see how they develop. How their preferences change over time.

We saw season 7 on YouTube, but they probably banned it by now, and I am having trouble getting video to play from their site. From the Wipeout site. I have tried several different browsers.

Oh, look at this » I did not even know that they had a Wipeout for kids. 30 million views. Must be popular.

He was tops in his class in reading. He started out in the middle of the pack, his mom told me. And then climbed up to position #3 for the longest time, and right at the end, he slipped in to first place. #1. "Just like I did in Calculus," I said.

They have been reading Harry Potter books. 750 pages? In third grade? You gotta be kidding me.

He is on book #4 in the series. I have not read any of them, but my rock-climbing buddy said they were excellent.

The students read a book and then log in to take a computerized test that evaluates their reading comprehension.

» Repression Plays a Role in Many Mental Illnesses

When he comes over .. he wants to play all the games that his mom won't let him play (.. cuz she says they are violent).

I do not see these games as violent. Moreover, it is clear to me how the effects of repression can be detrimental. Notice particularly how it says that repression » "plays a major role in many mental illnesses." (unquote)

When we got to high school, my Catholic-school friends went wild. Because .. my theory goes .. they were all repressed in grade school (K-thru-8).

I mean, on weekend mornings, we would hear rumors circulating around the neighborhood about the crazy shit they had gotten into the previous night. Lots of steam needed to be blown off .. so naturally, it took a while.

My point is that parents must guard against creating pent-up frustrations by repressing natural desires.

I could really get off the porch here .. in a big way. But this is not the place. Tho mentioning it here will likely remind me to take up the cause later against the effects of parental repression.

He asked me to make my pasta, and I had just made it a few days prior. But I made another fresh batch anyway .. plus I made him a taco. But he is really a bacon hound.

"What are your favorite foods?" I once asked. "Bacon," he said right away. Before adding, ".. and candy." (You can't make this up.)

You should hook up with one of those super-smart, super-rich guys who work for the Bond King. (I hear he pays top dollar in order to recruit the very best talent.) I'm sure they would be more than happy to show you the town (.. in one of their Ferrari's). They can tell you the true-true about Bill .. the inside-scoop on his management style (.. off the record, of course).

Better yet, call up Mohamed and say, "What's up, dawg. It's Lauren. I'm here in Newport, interviewing Bill. Can you come by and pick me up at his office? You know where that is, right? What's that? Tell Bill to go fuck himself? That's funny .. cuz that's exactly what he told me to tell you. You guys should kiss and make up .. cuz Marissa specifically told me not to tell anybody to go fuck themselves .. even if I might want to, sometimes."

"The proof is in the numbers," Bill said. True that. Can't argue with performance. Even John Bogle says that Bill Gross defies gravity. Investing gravity. If anybody would know .. Mr. Jack would.

I like that you asked him those uncomfortable questions. That gave me respect for him that he would entertain them. [ Outflows and succession. ] He didnt have to field those questions.

I was actually surprised to hear you use the d-word (de-stabilizing). That's a big word. Because it carries big implications. But it plays into Roger's article (who quotes Mark Carney) and also to what the other guys who you mentioned (Lloyd & Larry) have said.

That makes you look sexy (even more than usual) when you throw out the d-word to Bill. That shit turns me on something fierce. You're lucky it wasnt me there holding the camera. [ Now, *that's* (what I call) flirting. Harmless, I assure you. Tho I should probably take a cold shower. ]

Oh, look at this. Too funny. Here I thought I was being totally original. Digitally avant-garde. Tho check the date » June 28. That means they're totally stealing & adapting my technique.

[ Note that today's entry is dated » May 2nd. Nearly two months earlier. Tho I did not start flirting right away. Rather it took a while .. 'til I couldnt stop myself. But it was feeling organic, natural.

» Flirting with my Sociology Professor

Speaking of natural and organic .. let me share with you a vignette about my flirting. Now, the Dog dated (secretly) his writing professor at Columbia. I have never dated any of my professors. My balls werre not that big.

But I sometimes found myself flirting with them. It was during the semester when I had both Sociology and Economics (.. the only two classes I had that semester, cuz I was working full time. More than full-time, actually. Macro-economics. Big picture concepts, as opposed to Micro-economics..)

Anyway, we had a black-lady professor for the Sociology class. I want to say that she was the dept head, but I am not sure about that. In other words, it wasnt her position that intrigued me.

Yes, we had a text-book, but she also assigned » Tally's Corner for us to read, and which we would discuss in class, along with topics in the text.

I would say that she was the young-side of middle-aged, but she had a certain spark about her .. hard to describe, but the effect was that I felt she was in some (noble) ways » a superior human being. A feeling which I do not often get. From very many people.

Which I don't often feel. I felt genuine respect for her .. in a refreshing kinda way. An inspiring sort of way.

And I was learning very cool things in her classs. And I felt myself resonating with her .. to a degree.

After the first major exam (50 questions .. multiple-guess), I brought an apple to school with me that night. These were both night classes (7-10PM).

And I normally arrive early, but this night I was a few minutes late (California traffic), which was no big deal, cuz kids wandered in late all the time.

So she was already addressing the class and talking about how she was going to return the exams and we were going to discuss the questions, so you could see what you got wrong.

And my seat was all the on the other side of the room .. so I had to walk right in front of her while she was addressing the class.

And as I made my was across the front of the class, I pulled the apple out of my pocket and transferred it to my left hand.

As I passed her desk, I made solid (intimate?) eye contact as I set the apple down in front of her. She returned eye contact, then looked down at the apple as I set it down.

Then she looked back up at me as I broke eye-contact on my way to my seat, but she never stopped talking .. as I walked to the far end of the room.

To be honest, I did not plan it like that .. it just kind of happened as the situation presented itself.

I enjoy shit like this .. throwing out a spur-of-the-moment wildcard and taking careful note of how the object responds.

And sometimes they disappoint you. And sometimes the meet your expectations. And sometimes they exceed them.

It seems to me that people tend to remember those responses that exceed your expectations, no?

She did not stutter .. not one bit. She cooly finished her professorial spiel (shpiel?), then turned (left) to address me and (very nicely, right on the edge of » sweetly) said, "Thank-you."

"Ooh, she's smooth," I thought. [ I had already been thru six years in the nuclear Navy and several commercial nuclear plants, so I was no teeny-booper .. like most of the other students. ]

During the subsequent break, after we had reviewed the questions on the exam .. I was going to walk out and she said to me as I walked by, "So .. you're not just another pretty face."

I couldnt help but smile.

"Which one did you get wrong?" she asked. [ I had gotten 49 out of 50 right. ]

So I returned to my desk and got the exam and set it down on her desk next to the apple. She came along-side, rather closely, and looked at the question. I could feel the electricity sparking between us and its strength surprised me.

It's strength and its .. what's the word? .. complexity? Its sophistication? I'm not sure how to describe it. But it felt beyond playful. She was not intimidated or flustered. Not hardly. "Oh, you know that," she said.

"Actually, I didnt," I said.

You readers probably want me to tell you more of the juicy-juice, but I will not go there right now. Like I said, tho, I do not have the balls that the Dog has.

I think my point in sharing this story, other than to reveal my flirting techniques .. is to say that » it is MORE THAN a merely physical thing that attracts me .. that gets my attention. It is that feeling you get when you (naturally) feel like you resonate with someone.

It was in this very same (Sociology) class where there was a girl, who followed me around from seat to seat. I am not going to say to a girl, "Leave me alone." .. but finally the professor, this same lady, finally said to this girl in the class, "Will you please leave that man alone."

She said it with just enough sharpness to make it effective, but with tact. Yes, right there in front of the whole class. Where she discussed how some girls go to college in order to get "an M. R. S. degree". I had never heard that phrase before.

But yes, I have had trouble with people being clingy .. so I sometimes find myself in a quandary .. in which people help extricate me from.

This is the reason I brought the apple .. to express my appreciation for helping me out there .. with that girl who was chasing me around the room .. as I tried to get away.

She rescued me from the crazy girl. And made it look easy. And taught the whole class a lesson in college sociology. How can you not be impressed?

In other words > I appreciated what she had done for me and I felt a desire to express that appreciation. Which is very similar to how I feel about the pretty, intelligent girl at Yahoo Finance.

If I did not resonate with her, and I did not appreciate what she does there at Yahoo Finance, would I be flirting with her? just because she is a hottie? » No way, José. I need to feel it on a level beyond (mere) physical beauty.

Speaking of the allowing things to evolve organically .. I am a big believer in the organic relationship. If it works, it works. If you have to make it work, or force it to work .. then maybe it wasnt meant to be. Rather » LET it work.

In Portrait of the Artist of a Young Man (1916) Joyce recounts his youth growing up in late nineteenth century Ireland, where he describes his dad as » something of a flirt.

[ Yes, I have more than a little first-hand experience in this area. ]

Oh, look at this » In the New York Times, Egan is quoting Bill from your interview. Score! (for you). Egan rocks. He has that edge that I like. He slices and he dices. The Times' Ginsu man. I particularly enjoyed this sentence » "As long as the Supreme Court says that corporations are citizens, they may as well act like them." That's definitely a Ginsu sentence.

Remind me to come back and talk about the decision behind Super-Rich-Citizens-United and what it says about the values of those who revere money.

(I grew up with an Egan. He took no shit from anybody. One tough fucker. Catholic boy. In high school, when the cops threw him in the back seat of the cop car one Saturday night, he simply climbed out the door on the other side and ran away. You can't make this shit up. He was best friends with All-American Lance, who lived across the street. Both Irish boys. Fast runners.)

I would have asked Bill, "Dude, is it true that you're an asshole to work for? You seem like such a nice guy to me. You have such a gentle voice."

To be honest, I cannot picture Bill as an asshole. He seems genuinely genial to me. But I know from personal experience how some people can seem charming in public, but turn into total jerks behind closed doors.

Most of all I was struck by his side-comment that he (jokingly) says his wife says that he "can never retire."

I find this telling .. because (.. they obviously don't need the money, and ..) it has been my observation that the biggest (micro-managing) assholes at work are those who wives boss them around at home.

I actually stumbled upon this observation .. quite unexpectedly. But do your own research and I'll bet you will find truth in my observation. (Yes, I have stories. Good ones. Too good to publish.)

I try to explain this phenomenon by the fact that most people tend to strive for balance in their lives. If they are getting bossed around at home, then they seek to balance that out by bossing around (micro-managing, nit-picking, control-freaking) their employees at work.

I cannot work for these types of people, I have found. I can work for strong ("driver") bosses and actually get along with them very well (if they are good at what they do).

But not with those who are getting henpecked at home .. tho I do not understand the reason for the difference. If I do not respect a man, it comes out. I find it difficult to hide my contempt. Which causes problems .. as you might imagine.

My best situations come when I work for a strong, competent boss who puts me in charge and lets me do my thing. Usually our differing management styles work well together.

Oh, I see you have addressed the issue. It looks like they totally rolled out the red carpet for you. And gave you the E-ticket tour. Good for you.

What a place. They HAVE TO get there early because the markets open at 6:30 local time. I bet they are out of there earlier than they lead on.

That annual meeting-conference thingie looks very cool. You should work Bill for an invite to that. Just sit in the back and listen to minds for a few days. That would be fascinating, no?

Bill said his bad rap is a misunderstanding. I could believe that. You look good in those full-body shots. Very photogenic. The camera likes you.

Oh, speaking of the camera liking you .. I just saw your piece on NetJets. Nicely done. I admit that my imagination got carried away there a little.

I like the point at which you ask him, "What specifically?" .. because this says to me that you do not assume that everybody knows what people are talking about. I feel that most people would avoid such clarifying questions.

And it seemed like the second guy there was present only to make sure that the tall guy didnt say anything stupid.

I have never had sex on a plane. Seems like I am the only one who has not. The 30 thousand foot club .. you know.

But those bathrooms on commercial planes are so cramped and the harsh lighting in there features that unromantic florescent glare. Myself, I need a bed the size of a boxing ring.

Speaking of sex aboard moving mass transportation .. remind me to tell you the story about my train ride from New Haven down to boot camp in Orlando, Florida (a 2-day trip), when I was 18. That's a good story.

Your suggestion to imagine traveling with a group of 9 of your closest friends made me think of the time a friend named Matto (in Lancaster, Pennsylvaina) came by the house on New Year's eve drving a huge Winnebago and picked us up for a rolling party on wheels .. where we went to one party after another.

That was one of the best New Years eve's I ever had .. maybe thee best. Picked up at your doorstep and dropped off later that night. No driving. No worries.

When a dozen people walk into a house, the party comes alive. I wore a bright, sparkly tie that everybody seemed to like. We spent 45 minutes to an hour at each party before moving on to the next place.

Anyway .. you're fortunate that it wasnt me there on that plane holding the camera. NetJet guy » "Hey, why is that cameraman closing the door?" [ I could probably figure out how to operate a digital camcorder if your regular goes on vacation. ]

Paul McCulley Uses the Term » Construct (Say what, Paul?)

Also, I just saw your interview with Paul McCulley, the Chief Economist at Pimco (.. who seems very nice).

Floating TreeI couldnt help but notice that he used the word » construct.

At t=3:03 remaining) ..

.. which I made note of in reference to the interview you did with Bethany ..

.. to the point of pulling down the definition of the term from Wikipedia. And throwing up the floating tree graphic.

I wasnt going to bring it up [ .. Paul's use of the word » construct ] but my ego is like » "Dude, come on now .. really .. who (outside of programmers) ever uses the word 'construct'? He is *totally* reading your shit."

Notice how he actually pauses (for effect) for a few seconds .. before uttering the word. Camera zooms to a close-up of his face. Love it!

Regarding the effect of the taper itself, I read somewhere that the end of this year (Nov-Dec) will be a revealing time as to how markets respond to elimination of the stimulus.

I will also note, as a viewer, that in some of your newer videos, you speak very s.l.o.w.l.y. Is that something Katie Couric told you to do? Cuz I prefer your more-rapid speech patterns.

That's actually one of the things .. one of the key things .. that drew me to you .. wherein I resonate (.. automatically, without trying). That seemingly fearless live-liness that comes with a broad command of the relevant topics .. readily at your disposal. At your finger tips, so to speak. (This is not flirting, no. This is honest feedback. Hopefully the difference is apparent.)

Plus I feel it shows you that you know your shit .. that you are not at a loss for related concepts, and that you neednt search long for what you are trying to say.

Your quicker cadence seems more natural (.. for you, anyway). More engaging. Maybe in front of the camera, when you are not interviewing someone, perhaps then a slower cadence is more appropriate.

I am no public speaker, but I have always felt more comfortable when the speaker has a livlier cadence .. because it does not give my mind a chance to wander. I stay with the speaker better that way. But that's just me.

After a class one time, in the commercial Nuclear industry, I approached the dude who taught it and told him that I appreciated his lively cadence .. that (like I told you) it was easy for me stay with him .. that I jibed with the flow of his delivery.

He thanked me for that comment, and I'm sure he enjoyed getting a compliment. (Dont we all?) He was from Massachusetts, I noted, which produces some of our nations more intelligent (and funnier) citizens .. it has been my experience over the years.

Okay, here is video with a more-rapid speech tempo .. and I caught myself actually paying attention more closely .. because of the quick cadence. The nice thing about videos is that you can always go back if you missed something.

You and Aaron make a good team. Refreshingly irreverent. I am so jealous of him. But if I had his job, I would get nothing done.

Also, it seems like you guys have done away with the Daily Ticker. What's up with that? Now you just have all your (individual) names listed. I like the Daily Ticker better .. if you want my opinion. Teams are harder to build but more powerful.

But maybe Aaron's wife likes things more separate? That would certainly be understandable, no?

Oh, look at this. Speaking of Bill being an asshole .. wow. I am speechless. I will need to think about that for a while. Go, Bill. Kick some ass and take names while you are doing it. See what you started, Lauren? You got Bill feeling his litigating oats.

Oh, I see you are back in New York. That was quick. With Lord John Browne. I see. You are clever. A clever communicator.

The lovely and talented (and sexy and bi-sexual) Anna Paquin» The Lightbulb Effect

That makes sense. Clears up a few questions. I can totally understand. (I would probably be the same.)

I am kinda clueless about these things. You would think after living for in Laguna ten years I would be more savvy.

To be honest, the thought never occurred to me.

I asked the Google a little about you (not much, really) and the Google said you had (among other things) opted for Gender Studies in school. Dbl major.

That makes sense. Hey, I studied a gender or two myself in school .. tho I am sure that my techniques will not be found listed on any officially authorized document.

It's always best to learn these (intimate) things one-on-one. That's what I always say. Isnt it fun to meet new, interesting people?

I hope that you are collecting a database of phone numbers that you can turn to should you ever need to ask future questions these people who you are (have been) interviewing.

Come on now .. what man is not going to want to give you his number? Puh_leeez.

But such a database would give you access to an impressive array of minds .. with a wide variety of specialties. I guess email addresses would also work.

I have some good stories for you along these lines. Not publishable. But I have long noticed the (downright cruel) heterosexual nastiness [ fuck that noise ] that can come into a relationship not long after a marriage performed by a priest in a church.

So I could quickly see that there are more important things than conforming to societal norms. Things like love and respect and trust and thoughtfulness and kindness and consideration and empathy. I could go on here, but these things are more important in a relationship. Any relationship.

But when you are not a certain way, these alternative things do not even occur to you (uh, me). We tend to project ourselves onto others.

One time in Hawaii, one of our co-workers (a shipmate) was "coming out". Or trying to work up the courage. You know. And the Dog says to me, "Come on .. we're going to support our friend and take him to a gay bar and try to find a nice gay guy for him."

[ Hula's there in downtown Waikiki .. mere walking distance from where I was living with the Dog. They had a big banyan tree growing from the ground right there in the courtyard. Very cool place. Like being in a jungle. ]

Three of us straight guys went with him. I thought myself very modern. Very liberal. I was a little freaked out, but being with a group of straight guys made me feel more safe. But when I had to go to the bathroom, I made one of them come with me .. cuz I was scared of being alone there in a gay bar by myself. I was afraid some gay guy would hit on me on my way to the bathroom. (Silly me.)

Actually, later, after I'd had a drink, one of the boys serving drinks there walked by me as I was standing there. He stopped right in front of me and turned and said (most enthusiastically), "Where have you BEEN all my life?" Which made me laugh.

I was not threatened (surprisingly). He wanted to take me home. He kept bringing me free drinks and telling me what time he got off.

"Here's another," he said, handing me a drink. "This one is still half full," I said. "Looks half empty, to me," he said.

He made me laugh. But he was not masculine. He was very small, petitish, girlish. Maybe that is why he didnt freak me out.

Our friend who was coming out was very masculine. Full beard. He was very nervous about the whole thing and was very thankful for our being there to support him. Tho it was really the Dog who put the whole thing together. [ This was a few years before the Dog went to Columbia for Engineering. ]

Uh, looks like I got side-tracked there. Speaking of flirting in a way that is not meant to be derogatory ..

Obama with Denmark's Helle Thorning-Schmidt at Mandela's funeral on December 10, 2013, as Michele looks on, obviously not happy.. look at his photo of Obama with the cutie from Denmark (at Mandela's funeral).

That looks like more than flirting, to me. What do you call the stage that comes after flirting?

Notice how he is » physically touching her (.. with his right hand). Is he not acting on impulse here? She looks smitten, no?

I imagine Helle asking » "You ever been to Denmark? What happens in Denmark, stays in Denmark."

I so badly want to put words into Michelle's mouth here, for this photo. But I won't. Yes, it is hard for me to stop them. Remarkable restraint I am showing, wouldnt you say?

I can't take it any more. She is saying » "I can't believe he is actually touching that white girl. His ass is jelly when we get home."

I know that it is probably not as bad as it looks (.. here in this photo of Obama with Helle the Supreme Dane-ette). But you must admit » it *does* look bad. (They are glowing, no?)

» Martin Smith

Oh, I see you have interviewed Martin Smith. Wow. You get to sit down with and talk to the coolest people. You have the best job.

Of all the people in Media who I appreciate (of which you and Aaron are certainly a part .. heck, I'm even warming to Mackie) .. Martin Smith is probably my #1 favorite.

If I would've known that you were gonna be interviewing him, I would have asked you to to give him a kiss for me. (On the cheek, with lipstick.) And say, "That's from an admirer who appreciates your work."

It was while watching » The Unfucking Touchables (January 22, 2013) that I realized I could never do Martin Smith's job.

I am talking about the scene [ at t=50:00 ] where he is interviewing Lanny Breuer, the chief of the criminal division at the department of Justice, who says the reason that he declined to bring criminal charges against the big banks ..

.. is because he stays awake at night, worrying that a criminal case against a big bank might have "a ripple effect" in the economy.

And Martin asks Lanny » "Dude, do you really think it's your job as head of the criminal division at the department of Justice to worry about protecting the banks?"

Because, at that point, my head would have popped off and I would no longer be able to ask any more questions.

Actually, if you watch the video a minute before that [ at t=48:25 ] you will see where Martin's head actually does start to come off.

But by some superhuman feat which we will never understand .. he manages to keep his head on. A mere mortal would have been reduced to rivets long ago.

» Shame on you, Lanny

[ Shame the fuck on you, Lanny. You will go down in history as the prosecutor who couldnt, wouldnt, or just plain » didnt. (Probably all three.) You are obviously in the wrong job. You should be working for the banks instead of the people. I had such a slimy feeling after watching that program that I had to take a shower afterwards. You want shit to keep you up at night? Try making payments that you can't afford to stay in a house that you can't sell because your mortgage is underwater. While the bill collectors are gnawing on your ass regularly.

Let me tell you what keeps us regular American schmucks up at night. It's the stark realization that their government has been bought by rich fucks .. not unlike the people you refuse to prosecute. And that they will convince our government to shift the blame for their economy-wrecking fuck-ups on little people like us .. because they themselves refuse to accept responsibility for even the most egregious shit imaginable. Meanwhile they can't wait to foreclose on our asses so they can buy our homes out from under us for pennies on the dollar. You suck, Lanny. You are what's wrong with America. With post-2008, with post-Lehman America. You and slimy lawyers like you.

» Godzilla Coming to Teach You New Skills

Update Sept 13, 2014 » Remind me to discuss the (regular and orderly) writing habits of Hemingway and Charles Dickens vs those of someone like, say » Flaubert .. who would immerse himself in his writing for six weeks at a time ..

.. and the advantages and disadvantges of each .. their pro's and con's .. which I find to be an interestimg subject. But now is not the time, or place. This is merely where the idea came to me.

[ Flaubert, by the way, was born the same year as Dostoevsky. And he died eight months before Dostevsky died. ]

Because, sometimes I go soo far and deeply into my writer's-world .. so all-consumingly .. so all-absorbingly .. not so unlike very good sex with someone who is able to let down all their psycho-emotional defenses and pursue the thing with nearly reckless abandon ..

.. that I don't know what goes on out in the world, of what is happening in our nation and world ..

.. but I just noticed that .. and yes, I might be wrong here, so you need to do (conduct) your own research ..

.. but does it not seem like Lanny was fired back in June (.. when did I write this love-lettter to Lanny? I think t was about that time, or a little before, tho I have not examined the sequence enough to determine precisely when. But I could, if I so desired.)

Anyway, does it not seem that Lanny was fired and the lady who they call 'Godzilla' was hired in his place? Again, I am not certain that this is the same position. Tho it is close, if it is not.

This is the lady who took down Arthur Anderson for cooking the books for Enron. (The Dog worked for Arthur Anderson for a spell. Some places require you to sell your soul before they will hire you. I think he called it » "March of the living dead.")

As a little sidebar here, since I mentioned Enron .. I always felt that Ken Lay faked his death. I mean, it was a 'private funeral' followed by a quick cremation ..

.. does anybody credible know for a fact that he died?

Anyway, Ken Lay .. if you are out there » "Fuck you. And if you are really dead, then ... well, then you what then, don't you."

Oh, look at this .. I went to the Google to grab a link to your Wikipedia page .. and there at the top of the query results page was a web site saying that you are still alive. How funny.

But it is really not so funny .. when you really think about it. You and george bush .. two peas in a pod. (From what I hear.)

How does it feel, Ken and George, to have people come behind you all your lives ..to clean up after you. To clean up your messes after you. To clean up after you things that hurt other people? In huge ways?

Do you just rationalize away the death-n-destruction that you leave in your wakes? To be incompetence personified .. how does tha feel?

[ exit from ken lay is alive sidebar .. but ken lay was fixin' to go to prison and he certainly had the money to make such a thing happen. after he ripped off all those orphans and widows. and stuck it to his employees. don't get me started. but if ken lay were still alive .. he would be hanging out with bernie madoff .. on a regular basis. who is worse? .. ken lay or bernie madoff? that's a tough one .. aint it? I wish Krugman would take requests. For the sheer amount of financial devastion that they leave in their wake. ]

I mean, I read this about Godzilla replacing Lanny-the-Ripple-Effect-Worrier and coming for the individual bankers yesterday .. and sorta can't get over it. If this is indeed the case, then » good for our government.

And bad for you rich, crooked banker-fucks .. who care only » about the money. You know what they say dawg .. "Orange is the new black." How true.

Make sure your Netflicks account is up-to-date .. so you can catch up on all the back-episodes that you migt have missed.

Jail sucks, dawg. But you will not be going to jail, no. Rather you will be going to » prison. Prison, I hear, is not as bad as jail .. except that » you go away for a longer time.

You might also wanna invest in a butt-plug .. to help loosen up your sphincter muscle .. so when you get fucked up the ass it doesnt hurt so much .. when Bubba shares his love with you. Bubba has lots of love for you .. nothing but love. So much love.

Hey, who knows? .. you might actually come to enjoy it .

First, get a small butt-plug .. and then after your ass gets accustomed to that .. then get another that is a little bigger.

If you stretch out your asshole big enough, then they will not even wanna fuck you, no. Rather they will say » "Dude, you ass is bigger than a whore's pussy. I can't feel shit in there. That means you are gonna have to suck my dick."

So we are finally gonna get our perp walks. Hey, you know what they say ...

But these people oughta spend a few days at Rikers. At least. Some inmate processing .. so they can see what the other half lives like. It would be an educational thing, for sure.

Just because you've played a video game once .. that used Rikers Island as its gaming map-environment .. doesnt mean that you know what life is like there at Rikers. Not hardly. You wll see what I mean.

Godzilla herself is gonna send your ass away. I hear that she drives you over to the prison, herself .. wearing a black strap-on .. that she makes you suck it the whole way over ..

.. while she gently strokes your head, saying things like » "This is good training for you. These are skills that are going to help you succeed in your new home. Cha-ching. When we get there, I am going to introduce you to some of the boys. They are gonna take care of you .. such good care of you. You're wearing your butt-plug right? You won't be needing that any more after today. Try not to drool so much. Do you hear that sound, bitch? That is the sound of the thunder. And it's coming for you. Don't say I didnt warn you. Too bad there are no raincoats where you are going. Your ass is gonna get wet. Very wet."

[ break - transition - return to Martin Smith and his United States of Secrets. So I guess that you could blame the above on him. Kinda-sorta. ]

I am very much looking forward to watching that » United States of Secrets. Maybe tonight I will stay up late and get started on it. Three hours worth.

» Enlightening Hillary

Hillary should also watch these episodes. They should clear up many of her questions. I'm sure Thomas Drake and Jesselyn Radack or even Bill Binney would be more than happy to help enlighten her. Better yet, spend a few days in a prison cell next to Chelsea Manning and I bet most of her questions will magically disappear. (What does Elizabeth Warren have to say on the subject? This here is starting to resonate .. when Hillary talks disparagingly against Edward Snowden.)

Edward Snowden | July 10, 2014» Edward Snowden

How fun it would be to watch it with Edward Snowden. "Dude, did that really happen like that? Pass the Stoli."

I am just kidding about the Stoli, of course. Nobody who has been charged with espionage by Big Brother remains "zen-like and serene" by drinking Stoli. Not for long, anyway.

Oh, dude. Look at » this. Which says that Tech companies have withdrawn their support for the bill.

Is that a seismic event? Is that a fracture? An earthquake? That will be interesting to see how it plays out. Something about that is talking to me.

Oh, and look at » this. Ooh, I like that. I like that a lot.

I was glad to hear Barton describe you as » "Zen-like and serene."

I feel that your age works well as a validator .. because your generation grew up with technology. So that makes you better-qualified to make a judgment on things pertaining to technology ..

.. than some bureaucratic Luddite who is still trying to transition from the pre-digital era .. and who will be dead for a long time ..

.. while you and your generation are still dealing with Big Brother, and his penchant for inserting specially-designed tools into society's ass and threatens to hurt anybody who would dare tell a soul about it.

Your age gives you not only standing on the topic .. but also an expertise that the Luddite from the previous generation does not have.

I heard Glenn Greenwald say (something like) » "When we first saw Snowden there in Hong Kong holding the rubics cube, this young kid, I was kinda freaked out. Cuz we were expecting some old, grizzled CIA dude."

So I felt that Glenn missed the whole point there. Of which I could write a lot. But I won't. Cuz you already know what I am talking about.

Oh, I just saw this. Very nice. That says that you have been chatting with Oliver Stone. Wow. That blows me away. Good for you. Oliver Fucking Stone. Wow.

Anyway Lauren (I got carried away there talking to Edward), say hi to Heidi for me. I first became interested in the Guardian after Matt Damon had one of its reporters killed off.

I know the logic seems skewed, but I figure » any reporter who gets killed for talking to Jason Bourne .. must be working at a cool place. (And look, I was right!)

Everybody who works at the Guardian must be feeling the thrill of victory .. after they won the Pulitzer. Everybody even remotely associated with Edward Snowden, I'm sure, feels like they share in the prize.

Speakang of prizes .. dude, check this out .. Ai has made Weiwei art of you and Mandela (and others) on Alcatraz. If you died tomorrow .. you could say that you had a good life.

That's gotta be humbling .. to be grouped with such hisroric figures. Good for you. You deserve it.

I'm sure you have seen Bamford's pieces. He's the man .. is he not?

Good photo of you in the Wired piece. Did Annie Leibovitz shoot you?

Alan Rusbridger, Editor-in-Chief » The Guardian

Perhaps I should congratulate Heidi myself. You guys [ at the Guardian ] totally deserve the Pulitzer. Your editor, Mr. Rusbridger .. that is » one impressive fucker.

Mandela (1918-2013) with raised fistHe is tough .. Mandela-tough.

Who would want that job? You know they have a wide assortment of eyeballs inserted up into every available orifice.

"What's that tingling sensation I feel down there?" I'm sure they know about his bowel movements before he does.

Please give him my best.

One of the most haunting quotes that echoes in my ear after the Snowden revelations .. came from your editor. When he said (something like) » "This is beyond anything Orwell could ever have imagined. Way beyond."

This is probably why I feel a sense of kinship with him. So, if he ever needs a reference...

Seems only fitting that the character of Big Brother was created and defined by a Brit, no?

And I know that you guys dont have a First Amendment .. not that our government pays very much attention to it, anyway. But you must admit » it looks good on paper.

I would love to come visit and have a spot of tea, but Big Brother has seized my passport. (Long story. But it's about the money.)

If I were running the Guardian, I would send an autographed copy of the Pulitzer to my friends over at GCHQ, and then make a huge copy-enlargement and fix it to the front of the building ..

.. where everybody could see it. From far away. At night, I would have a light shining on it.

Oh, I just read » this. Very nice. It's resonates on multiple levels. You are kicking ass and taking names. People can't spend what they don't have.

Nice representative graphic. Do you pick that? Or does someone else?

Speaking of resonating .. see » this, by Druckenmiller and a friend. The WSJ page requires a subscription. (Money.) ]

Flirting Update » August 5 (Response Received)

Update August 5 » I am totally feeling you. You must have received my message and I see that you have responded. I have received your response .. loud-n-clear.

I will elaborate further down the page on my impressions regarding your response.

Sure, plausible deniability says » "But how do you really know for sure?" (.. that she is reading your shit).

But Mr. PD is always there saying that shit.

You interviews today .. hese are (both) huge areas .. where we the People can make a monster difference .. in the lives of so-so many ..

.. that if I were the Judge of the living and the dead .. I would be awarding large rewards to those who "regard to poor" .. who "regard the helpless".

And it is i very interesting thing for me .. because, these things that you do .. really do make me want to throw you down.I do not want to be crude ..

.. but I am just being honest. I am telling you what I genuinely feel. [ I mean .. you cannot help what you are genuinely feeling, right? cue that Marvin Gaye song. ]

So .. if there's anything I can do for you .. let me know. They say I am good at stress relief. Even people who somehow manage to find a laundry list of fault with me .. say that I am good at stress relief. Let me tell you. (Or maybe not. I can hear the writer's eternal cry » "show, don't tell." )

Girl » "I must say .. you are good at what you do. I feel so relaxed."

Me » "You know what they say » practice makes perfect."

Any scandal will, cause people to seek to understand context. Context here is helping those who cannot help themselves. [ Because polite society has an Orwellian boot on their throat. ]

And yes, I have impressive self-control .. as the wow girl would, I'm sure, would concur.

But I will admit that I did not expect his .. to be feeling this sense of feeling you.' So I can feel myself inside adapting .. adapting to this new information. Strong shit. I feel it.

Lauren interviewing Russell Simmons on Yahoo Finance (Aug 5) discussing how prisons profit from jailing kidsDuring your interview with Russell Simmons .. I heard something inside say »

» "Dude, this girl is not scared. She has balls.

She only looks like a girly-girl. She brings game.

You are gonna have to take it to the next level. [ pregnant pause ]

This is gonna be so much fun. You have no idea. Might wanna find something sturdy to grab hold of."

If you are for the education of disadvantaged-people and for helping to get disadvanatged-youth out of jails and juvie ..

.. then you can count me in.

This is why I am going to start including the captions (with their lovely matching color palatte) .. with yours screens.

Speaking of your screen shots .. you looked nice today, btw. Very nice.

Lauren with Gene Wade at Yahoo Finance discussing online schoolsGoodness, girl. Have mercy. How do you get your hair so shiny?

Particularly in the interview with Gene Wade.

We have company here right now. An 8th grade girl and her best friend and her older brother ..

.. who came into my room early this morning (.. they arrived on the train last night) while I am watching your interview with Gene Wade.

This is before I have had my coffee. So I am still a little sleepy.

He sits down on the edge of my bed and looks, then says » "Ooh .. she's perfect."

Then he says, "Wait," and sticks he face close to the screen for a better look and says, "Yeah, she's perfect."

So .. that settles it. Cuz .. if anybody would know .. he would.

He is, btw, very much into Helen Bonham Carter and Shakira (the Columbian) .. if that means anything to you. His sister happens to be very much into Rihanna and Tupac. [ Her friend has purple hair. I shit you not. ]

This kid is a real character, the 22 year-old .. but that's another story.

Anyway .. since he is 22 and has an opinion on every girl (.. especially actresses, with an impressive knowledge of movies.) and I say, "Come here and check out my new girlfrierd," [ because every pretty actress is "his girlfriend" ]

As he is walking across the room, I pivot my laptop on the table so he can see better and I ask, "What do you think?"

Anyway .. now you know what he thinks. And it was timely because he was just telling me last night he is thinking about taking some college classes. [ He has never taken a college class. He is no dummy, but he must be feeling it. He must be interested in that thing. He hates when other people try to tell him what to do, something that drives him crazy. (We were up late last night.) I told him to try to find i class on how to use an audio editor. Because he feels the music. Maybe too much. ]

The thing that stuck out the most for me .. with Wade .. was when you asked him (an the beginning) » "Is that what you are trying to do .. disrupt the traditional model."

That made me smile. It's questions like that .. that make me like you. Disrupt the traditional model. [ Could I ever run with that idea .. but now is not the time. ]

With Russell, the thing that stuck out with me was [at t=1:35 rem ] » "But we're not talking about the profit to the Prison-Industrial complex. And they're underwriting these politicians careers. And these politicians are keeping laws on the books .. that incarcerate people. "

I thought that I was the only one with cojones big enough to speak so plainly. But obviously I was wrong.

Lauren Not ScaredSo .. I am grabbing some screens of you .. for the Flirting entry.

They are so good that they are distracting me .. my train of thought .. in craft this entry.

When I was very young, I recall so clearly my mom saying to me » "Honey, make sure you finish your education before getting involved with girls .. because I met your father and [ fell so deeply in love ] couldnt even concentrate. It's like I lost my mind."

She told me this as we were driving past her old, grade school .. a block from where she grew up as I sat there next to her on the front seat.

When I 'lose my mind' .. is when my panther comes out. Or maybe » when my panther comes out, I lose my mind. To be honest, I am not sure which came first.

Only that the panther is so strong .. that he causes you to lose your mind. The energy. (Is that passion?)

It feels so strong that .. how can it last very long? The shooting star that lights up the night sky is indeed very beautiful. Breath-taking, even. So remarkable that you can still see their illumination .. even after they are gone.

Remind me to tell you the story about why you remind me of the pretty little girl [ whitish-blonde hair, ice-blue eyes ] at the playground who brought my son the toy fire engine .. there at the playground so he could [ again and again ] slide it down the red, plastic slide. Too long of a story to tell here now.

Worth telling.

Some of your segments .. such as the one with Bethany's quote and with Zervos .. I somehow feel like you are that cute little blond girl .. handing me a toy fire truck, saying, "Here. send *this* down your slide."

» There is Something About You (What is That?)

Regarding the secret response that you sent .. let me share my impressions of you .. now that I am starting to get a better feel for you.

You're tougher than I imagined. I think I imagined you as more of a girly-girl. Which you obviously are .. only tougher.

And there is this 'thing' about you .. that is coming thru in your message .. like an interesting part of your personality. Tho a description eludes me.

» Like that Spice You Can Taste but Whose Name You Can't Quite Recall

It sorta reminds me of this an east-Indian spice .. that has a subtle-yet-distinctive flavor .. that you can taste, but cannot quite recall it name. Like it's on the tip of your tongue.

What is that 'thing' about you that I can taste (so clearly) .. but can't quite put into words?

[ Notice how this form of flirting here contains nothing sexual. Tho, it certainly could .. if you would like it to. ]

» The Transfer Student from Italty (Learning to Write Love Letters)

Remind me to tell you the story about the girl who moved to my school in sixth grade from Italy. I mean, she was born there and had grown up there, and spoke with an Italian accent. English was her second language.

She liked me. Tho she was so hot that she intimidated me. I mean, there were eighth graders who were jealous. They would stick their heads out of the windows of the bus (my bus) as it drove by and yell things at me ..

.. while we were walking together on our way to the library. (You know how eighth-graders are.)

But my point, if I don't get back to this story is that » she was always asking me to write her love letters ..

.. which I sucked at. But she helped to bring that out in me .. at a rather early age.

There is also an interesting story .. where she asked me to bring her books to her home-room [ she had a different home room ] .. after the bell rang, but before classes began.

To be honest, I could not see why she wanted me to do this .. but I was game for pretty much anything with her [ we used to hang out at the library together after school, which was only a few blocks from the school ]

Anyway, her seat [ in her home-room class ] was ALL THE WAY ACROSS, on the other side of the room. And when I returned her books to her that morning ..

.. I could see that she wanted her class to see that we were an item .. that we were obviously spending private-time together.

I had to walk a.l.l t.h.e w.a.y a.c.r.o.s.s the front of her class .. in order to bring her books to her .. over at her desk .

The other girls were none too happy. But they were like sisters to me .. girls I had grown up with since kindergarten. Meanwhile this exotic girl from Italy totally enchanted me. In numerous ways. She was so .. different. And she was a sight.

I would have never thought of doing something like that in a million years .. as a guy, I mean, and not a girl. That would never have ocurred to me. [ the "bring me my books in the morning after the bell rings." ] So .. in that sense, she seemed smarter than me. And there were other ways, too .. let me tell you, brother.

Did I mention that she grew up in Italty? .. and that looked like it?

One day, as our class was moving to the next classroom .. she stopped me and said, "They're sending me home. They say my dress is too short."

It *was* pretty short .. I will admit. It was scandalous shit for a sixth grader.

She was sexy .. well beyond her years. Well beyond me.

As she walked away .. down the hall and down the steps, I saw her walking in that short skirt and I thought > "Oh. My. Gawd."

I really did not know what to do with something like that .. but I knew that I wanted to learn. And I was willing. She made me one motivated dude.

Anyway, she is the reason that I have developed some of my language skills.

I mean, sometimes I think that she could sense that about me .. the gift .. even before I could myself.

My point » an Italian girl from Italy came to America to teach me how to write love letters. We practiced every day.

<end insert about transfer student from Italy, domenica>

» Exploring New Things |Destination Unknown

Regarding my impressions of you .. I also detect something new .. something that I have never experienced before. Most intriguing.

When we get together, I would like drill down and explore that.

It is always fun to get to know someone .. someone interesting .. to really get to know them .. intimately. Which is very much about building trust. Which, of course, takes time. And honest communication.

I am in no hurry. I prefer to go with the flow and see where the universe takes things. Naturally. Rather than force something before it is ready.

Lauren dascusses online colleges with Gene Wade at Yahoo FinanceOnline Schools » Not Easy

Regarding online schools .. here are my thoughts.

I have no experience there. So .. grain of salt.

But I did take ONE correspondence course. (Psychology.) I took it three times and never did finish the stupid thing.

You read a chapter and answer some questions that tests your comprehension. You mail these answers to the college. Where somebody grades and returns them.

Here is the problem with this scenario (for me) » "First before I do the chapter, I will do laundry. And then I will make a bite to eat." And then you vacuum.

The list never ends (especialy when you are working 12-hours a day).

But!.. if I DRIVE TO the college .. then I can DO NOTHING ELSE.

So .. someone who finished a degree this way (online) I would have much respect for .. because I could not do this myself. At least not while working full-time.

I am the same way when working out » I need to GO THERE .. to the club .. where I can do nothing else.

So perhaps you can see why my message to these online students would be » "It's not going to be easy .. but it IS possible. So try to set up (configure) your environment .. so that » you can do nothing else. Set yourself up to succeed. Develop a routine that provides you wit the time and space that you need. Because it will not be easy."

But if you wait for easy .. there will be an endless number of reasons waiting to prevent you. And most of them valid. Certainly understandable. Information and skills are what you want. Knowledge and wisdom.

Welcome to the Twenty-first century .. where we do things differently.

Do you realize that we are responsible for setting the Third Millenium on a promising trajectory?

Perhaps now you can understand why I think of the scene from the second episode of » Manh(A)ttan .. when I think of online schools.

I am talking about the scene where the main character says to the Chinese guy there in the torture room, an unsetting and even disturbing location .. except for that one part (paraphrase on) » "Look, it gonna suk .. very badly .. but it's better than the alternative. Much better."

If you see this series .. see if you don't catch my drift.

<end August 5 update>

Lauren talks dirty to Aaron while whoring for cash at Yahoo Finance» Lauren Talks Dirty to Aaron

New update, Aug 8 - Oh, I see you you have posted a video with Aaron. I havent seen you two together in like forever.

You guys make a good team. I like him. A lot. Say 'hi' for me.

When I heard him say your name, I was like » "Ooh .. Lauren & Aaron. This is gonna be good." Of course, I was right.

[ Were you named after Lauren Bacall or Lauren Hutton? Either one is fine by me. I like the way Mackie sometimes calls you 'Lyster'. That is a compliment where I come from from.

It is a compliment because .. that is what military folks call each other .. by their last names. In other words, Mackie was saying » "You're one of us, Lauren. You're one of the boys. Welcome to the club. If we give you shit, that's because we like you and we trust you."

I would not expect most women to understand this. But you are (obviously) » not most women. ]

I noticed that Aaron mentioned how his wife brought home for him Jimi Hendrix stamps .. so she can't be too terribly angry. (Good to know.)

And you used the word » whoring. (Which made me think of puttanesca.) Talking dirty to Aaron. Made him blush. That did not look rehearsed.

The panther of male sexual desire when it sees something it likesYou are sitting on the other side of the table in this video.

And there is a throat shot in there (I will post it for you, later, t=4:01 rem) where I could feel the panther in me pawing at the ground.

Automatically. On its own. Without me trying.

I found a photo, btw, of your 80-year-old man .. see » here. [ I knew that photo would come in handy some day. ]

Your laugh there in the beginning made me feel good. How is that possible?

» Dont Waste Your Money on an Expensive College

Update 25 August » This is very good. I would have liked to hear more of that exchange. (Much more.) He is smart. You can see it in his eye and hear it in his voice. He is not offended when you challenge him.

Deresiewicz Talks about Excellent Ivy League Sheep with Lauren on Yahoo FinanceI particularly took note of the way he answered your first question ..

.. by first repeating your question » "My main problem is .."

.. just like they taught us to do back in the 6th grade.

Most politicians reframe your questions at best, and at worst, answer a question that you didnt even ask. So his response was sooo satisfying. (In that respect.) [ He obviously has no future in politics. ]

I also like the way you say » "______ joins us NOW." Were you saying that before? Maybe I just missed it. But when you say » "He joins us NOW," there is something about that that speaks to me. Tho I am not yet able to put it into words. But it is a good thing. Definitely good. Impressive, even.

By the way .. I am curious about whether you sit down with your guests beforehand and discuss what you are going to ask/discuss. "This is what we want to say. This is the message that we want to get out."

That is what I would do .. in some cases. I mean, you have a few minutes worth of video to present to your audience. And a truckload worth of valuable information. Everything needs to be perfect.

But maybe that is a journalistic no-no? Maybe they teach you in Journalism school not to do that? For me, the message trumps technique. The clarity of the message you present is more important than the interview technique. Would I get fired, again?

The NY Times did a review of his book here » The Enclosure of the American Mind (August 22). He was published by Simon & Schuster. Very nice. Amazon lists the book » here.

The problem with this entry that I have been writing about/with/for you .. is that » you keep posting new, cool, thought-provoking interviews .. with interesting people .. that I feel compelled to respond to.

So the entry seems to go on forever. What to do? How to wrap up the never-ending coolness?

I mean, I am trying to truncate and complete it. To wrap it up. I sometimes feel like I could retire on this entry (subject). But I have felt that way about other entries, too.

Maybe the problem with this entry is that I am talking about more than one thing. I remember my English professor discussing the important of narrowing down your topic/subject when crafting an essay. But you are hard to narrow down. [ « that's more of a compliment than a flirt, tho you could take at as a flirt if you like. be my guest. ]

During that interview, I caught myself thinking » "I could kiss her." [ for conducting that interview ]

Lauren fired up with Deresiewicz on Yahoo FinanceYou had more passion in that segment. Less clinical. Less detached. More fire.

You should have said something like » "I went to ____ (name of university). Should I rather have gone to _____ (name of another, cheaper school) instead?"

I found myself drawn to that semi-reserved passion (fire). Automatically. (I wasnt trying to.)

It would be totally natural and understandable for someone like you, who probably dropped a pretty penny on your degree(s) .. to feel strongly about such a topic.

So I am actually surprised at my reaction. Something in me is like » "Here, let me help you vent those strong feelings that you are feeling. I know how it feels to have strong feelings like that." [ time-lapse passing of a sweaty hour or two ] "There .. now, doesnt that feel better? What are friends for? Would you like me to pour some warm sesame oil down your spine and into the crack of your butt? That always works for me whenever I'm feeling tense or frustrated." [ « that's a flirt. yeah. Tho some people might contend that you havent really lived until you had warm sesame oil poured down your spine and into the crack of your butt. What say ye? ]

My brother went to Yale. Yes, he is smart. Very smart. But smart is not enough to get you into Yale. He could also play football (MLB). All-state. Twice. Both junior and senior years.

In the limo-ride from the funeral home to the cemetery during my dad's funeral .. I rode with bro and his first wife .. also a doctor.

She was a hottie. [ You and her do not look very different. ] So I asked, "What medical school did you go to?"

Not because I was really interested .. but just to make conversation and see if I couldnt get better acquainted with my new sister-in-law.

It was obviously the wrong question to ask. She did not want to answer. But it was clear that she had not gone to a reputable med school. I think my brother called over from the other side and said (something like) » "She went to the University of Grenada .. a fly-by-night school where people go who can't get into a real medical school."

After she said something like, "No, I am not smart like your brother," I changed the subject to start talking about my brother.

But my brother once told me (not in the limo, rather some other time) that the OTHER doctor in the family advised him to » "Go to the best school that you can afford."

Which means (for him) » the best school that your PARENTS can afford.

One of my older-girl cousins married a previously married Jewish doctor. He divorced his wife to marry her.

My cousin was smart and pretty and talented and educated. (Not unlike you, tho she is a brunette.) She came in 5th and 3rd at the Miss Connecticut pageant. So we came close to going to the Miss America pageant.

Some of the (very Catholic) family thought her marrying a previously married Jewish guy was scandalous .. but he was good to her, so I liked him and thought nothing of it.

She baby-sat me sometimes. Remind me to tell you the story about us stopping at Paul Newman's house there in Woodbridge, with its cool, curved roof. Me as the only male in a car-load full of squealing teenage girls. "Go ahead and ring the buzzer," one of them said. "Let's see if he's home."

[[ Another cousin ( the closest thing I have to a sister, who lived upstairs ) married a rich older Jewish business man who was older than her father. First, she was working for him .. and then he was working for her.

When I questioned him about his feelings on the subject, my uncle (her dad) said » "I told him he better not call me dad or pops." =)

He was a great guy, too. [ the older Jewish man ] Everybody liked him. Lots of fun to hang out with. Easy to be with. He had great stories that would make you laugh hard.

He walked with a limp because his first wife tried to blow him up ( in his car ) for the insurance money. I shit you not. ]].

Lauren fired up with Deresiewicz on Yahoo FinanceMuch of life seems to be a quest to find that uniquely-qualified person who can help us satisfy our needs and our wants (our true-heart's desire) ..

.. while we help them satisfy theirs .. to show our appreciation for what it is that they do for us. No?

I could wax prolific here .. but will spare you the journey.

And not somebody who will try to blow up our asses us for the in$urance money. Dynamite probably suks when it is aimed at you .. I would imagine.

But now I am talking about » relationships. Which always comes back to » intimacy. Which requires » trust.

And if people are attacking and criticizing you, it is hard to trust them. Seems obvious, no?

I once heard a pastor say » "Marriage is the closest thing to a heaven or a hell .. that you'll ever experience on earth."

No, he did not stutter. Yes, same man who gave me shit about sexual innuendo.

What's my point? Beyond discussing the importance of finding the right person to fullfil our heart's truest desires .. uh, my point is » the advice that bro got when looking at which college to choose .. was » "Go to the best school you can afford."

Bro coulda gotten into many quality schools (such as BC) with a full-boat scholarship. But not Yale.

He once told me » "Yale has financial aid, yes .. but basically, if your parents can afford to eat .. then you don't qualify."

From a more distant perspective .. do not you find it telling .. that Deresiewicz (cool name) has appeared on the scene.

I mean, were you not thinking » "I can't believe that I am hearing this guy say these things in my interview. Somebody pinch me. I love the twenty-first century."

It wasnt very long along ago when he would have been burned at the stake for blasphemy .. higher education blasphemy .. for saying such things, no?

He also taught at Columbia. You should mention that, too. Because Columbia is right there in NYC and it has close-to-harlem street cred.

Oh. I see you posted a second interview with Deresiewicz. And you mentioned growing up in SoCal. [ I did not know that. I was waiting for you to tell me yourself. [ « Now *that* is serious flirting. ]

The panther of male sexual desire when it sees something that it likesI can feel the panther's paws resting there on my shoulders. In other words, he is STANDING on his hind legs.

Eagerly paw'ing at my shoulders, saying, "Go! Come on! What are you waiting for? Throw her down, now! Then go quickly for the throat. Make her writhe under the bite of your fangs. Hold her firm until she stops twitching. She will surely whimper and beg for mercy, but show her none. Then drag her off to your lair .. where you can devour her at your leisure .. tasty morsel that she surely is."

This writing that I am doing here .. I am not sure that I could do it without you. Tho something in me is clearly uncomfortable with the idea. You know.

Yet, another part of me is saying, "She's cool, dawg. So chill. She's got skills and she's smart. You can trust her."

So I definitely feel like I know you better, now. Now that I know where you grew up. You know what they say about California girls, right? =)

Perhaps I should note that this writing that I am doing here in today's update .. I find this all-consuming. Lke you are in the zone. Challenging, yes, but focused because the subject requires it. Focused and inspired. (I can tell that being inspired really helps. "Thanks. I owe ya.")

I have done a number of cool things in my life .. but writing is most difficult. For me. Most challenging. Most demanding. Most interesting. Most powerful. Most seductive. Most - a lot of things. Long story. Not now.

The singer was a Valley girl. Valley girls are portrayed as air-heads, but she was reading Kierkegaard and was clearly out beyond me on many things.

I learned a lot from her. I mean, she was a really good person. Better than me. In numerous ways. Long story. Not now.

But I should probably note here, for what it's worth, that the non-church going girl was a better person than the one who did go to church, and who was very spiritual, yes. Tho in her own churchy (limited) kind of way.

I have thought about this before, and chalk it up to age difference. Kristen was older than the church singer. Vastly more mature. Wiser. More of a woman than a girl. But she could be a girl, too. But the church singer couldnt be a woman. At least, not yet.

We could easily wander off into tall cotton, but I am not going there.

Yet we want to be honest in our observations .. without drawing conclusions that maybe ought not be drawn. That are not valid. Or perhaps just not valid all the time.

Anyway, I have sometimes felt that the age of the church singer was a major problem for me. I mean, she was much younger. And I had been around the world a few times. So I kinda expected more than she was able to deliver. In more ways than one.

These personal reflections sometimes help me to figure out life's conundrums. You have to know what you think about something before you can really write about it.

I also noticed that you mentioned waitressing. I can tell that something in me esteems you more highly when I learned that.

I think .. when a person looks 'perfect' (as Jorge called you) and they make it look easy .. we don't see the struggle that goes on behind the scenes .. and we somehow feel they were privileged to have the advantages of someone like george bush.

You are not President, no .. not yet, anyway .. but you also did not preside over the torturing-to-death of innocent civilians. So we should probably postpone making any judgment calls on the relative merits of your two professions until all the facts are in.

Regarding waitresses .. I must confess that I may be guilty of flirting with a waitresses or two .. from time to time. Friends have told me so. And I had to admit that there might have been something to their assertions.

But I only flirt when I am feeling it. And you can tell when a girl is vibing off of you. (You know.) They have that knowing-interested look.

Come to think about it .. you DO look familiar... =)

No, it is not » baby-making time. It is more of an intellectual thing. An intellectual curiosity. Key word » knowing .. is how I would best describe it. (It = the look in their eye.)

When I first met the singer-girl, it was in a club in downtown New Haven. I did not really like this particular club, but my cousin did .. so I went along with him.

He said that we needed to get there early or wait-in-line outside. And I wasnt there 60 seconds when I scanned the place and it seemed like no other eyes were there (tho it was packed) except for the green eyes of the singer-girl (miss kristen carter). Tall girl.

And I am reluctant to go up to a girl that I don't know in a club (because she might be a nut-case that might eventually wants to blow up my ass for the insurance money.) But it was the easiest thing for me to walk up to her. Even before I got a drink.

It was like her eyes became a traction beam that drew me to her. I'm exagerating, yes, but not as much as you might think.

Anyway, she was the easiest person to talk to .. considering she was a hottie. (Tho not as hot as you.)

Something in her voice .. the way it resonated .. had an effect on me .. that made me trust her. And if you intuitively trust someone .. what are you limited by?

The Lovely & Talented Miss Lauren ay Yahoo FinanceWith your mouth you are saying certain socially acceptable things ..

.. but within the eye contact a whole 'nuther conversation is taking place. On its own. Good luck trying to stop it.

And it only took five minutes for us to figure out that I found her fascinating and she was likewise digging me.

When she glanced at her watch and said, "Here's my number. Call me next week. I'm meeting this guy here in 10 minutes and I'm not going to stand him up for you. When he comes, we'll get a quick drink and leave."

I so admired her for that. This is what I meant when I said that she was a better person than me in some ways.

This is only one of the ways. She was there 20 minutes and did not glance over at me once. (That I saw, anyway.)

So maybe now you can understand .. now that I know you are a SoCal girl .. you might understand how I might come to associate you (in my mind) with » making babies.

Regarding flirting .. I also want to discuss the importance of having the woman receptive. Receptive to the flirting. Because sometime people (mistakingly) feel that .. just because THEY are feeling it .. that the other person must likewise be feeling the same.

Now I know that this might seem preposterous to some of you, nevertheless, it is true. I have seen it with my own eyes. Multiple times.

I may discuss that topic more in the future, but suffice to say, you should be receiving some form of reliable feedback from the object of your desire .. they they likewise are receptive your affections.

In other words, the phrase, "Please leave me alone." .. means that » they are NOT feeling it. So leave them alone. Enough of that.

[[[ I am referring to the guy recording himself in the BMW. Enough of this touchy topic. Which I may not even be qualified to discuss. Because I am not a girl. But wasnt he a SoCal boy? Yes, he was. ]]]

But, perhaps this might be a good place to address Pastor and say » "She did not complain about it to me. O' contraire. Because .. if she would have (complained, in the slightest) I would have stopped."

Regarding the church-singer, who is different rom the singer who I met in New Haven, who did not go to church .. I was dating her (the church-singer) when I learned that my dad was dying. This was a time of need for me .. and I could see that she could not be there for me during my time of need.

And if you can't be there for someone in their time of need .. what good are you? You are no better than a fairweather friend.

I could see how the situation (a dying parent) was uncomfortable .. so I did not give her shit about it. But she could not be there for me when I really needed her .. even as just a friend. So I lost respect for her. And I cannot "be with" someone whom I have lost respect for.

At least not in any sort of way where I need to trust and rely on that person. Sure, we could go get a cup of coffee after church, but not much beyond that. How can you trust someone who has let you down when you need them most? (Answer » you can't.)

I have found that church-people are sometimes less compassionate than non-church people. Long story. And now is not the time.

Nobody said anything to me directly (about sexual innuendo), so I did not respond directly (to any such accusations).

You grew up here are are now there. I grew up there and am now here. Yin-yang. See it? And yin-yang, as everybody knows, is about » embracing duality. Now I may not know everything there is to know about duality .. but I can tell you that I am all-for that 'embracing' part.

And embracing duality reminds me of my white-angel / black-angel dream .. of what happened when I launched off the side of that nuclear reactor vessel.

I may delve deeper into that. But perhaps this here is the right place to mention that .. in all of life .. and I have been out there root'in around, let me tell you ..

.. after the mind-blowing innocence of a young (unspoiled) child .. the next most remarkable thing I have come across is » the soul of a beautiful, compassionate woman.

It feels like it is » out beyond me. In other words » interesting, adventurous, and probably dangerous. But nonetheless alluring.

Iam not talking about hotties, tho that does not hurt. Rather, I am talking about a grown-ass woman who knows wtf. (Is going on.)

Who obviously doesnt need you .. so the fact that she is with you must mean that she really likes you.

Getting to know these types of women fascinates me. Strong, confident, intelligent, educated, compassionate, vulnerable, affectionate, full-ranging women.

And if they just so happen to be a hottie, well, there you have it. All the more power to you. Your sun shines all the more brightly.

But yes, a deeper sense of respect naturally flows toward those who somehow managed to make it up the ladder without any of those advantages of privilege. (Such as not having to waitress or pump gas.) When applied to males I have heard such people described as » scrappy little fuckers.

But » getting to know each other. Is this not what intimacy is all about?

You however, are a public person. So naturally, you need to carefully weigh each disclosure. I can see that.

With all relationships .. you begin by making an agreement. You start small .. with something you defintely know that you are sure you can be faithful to.

Here is my initial proposition » I will not intentionally try to hurt you or harm you in any way .. if you promise not to try to blow me up for the insurance money. Okay? Deal? This is something I can definitely do.

We go on from there. Long as we can maintain mutual trust (fidelity), we're good.

Speaking of going on from there .. your interviews with Deresiewicz makes me think of this piece at Mother Jones, and also this one posted August 1st about schools in South Korea. And maybe even this one.

Ben's Humble Brag

I saw your piece on Ben's humble brag. (I have never heard that phrase before, but I like it.)

And when I saw the end, I had to smile. I love you guys, too.

So, it works. I will therefore report to my boss » it's operitional. What do you want to do now?'

I mean, you can only stay in denial for so long .. right? It is like our own private joke.

August 27, 2014 .. we are operational. Digitally operational. I do have some skillz. Some operational skills. Up to centurion level.

It is a very cool thing .. is it not? Welcome to the twenty-first century. We are vibrational and I resonate with you guys.

Dude, you did this little chuckle .. right before your said, "End quote" .. a chuckle that I rode well into the discussion. That's why I love you guys.

But you guys are making my entry on Flirting .. go on forever. Especially Lauren. Maybe I bit off more than I could chew.

I can see the end .. I just can't get there. I'm blaming it all on Lauren. (She knows it's totally her fault.)

Maybe I will end up breaking it up into many different entries .. like I did with 'Exploring'. That takes a goodly amount of energy and focus and concentration and determination. But sometimes it seems as tho they demand their own entry.

I am still figuring this stuff out. In the nuclear industry, we would call this an » op test. In the shipyard, you get a million op tests. Every time you fuck with something .. you have to make sure that you didnt fuck it up. Hence » op test.

But these op tests that I do with digital technology suk far less. And you guys are part of the reason why they don't suk so bad. You make life suk less.

Working with quality people with you whom you resonate brings out the best in you .. does it not? Iron sharpens iron. You guys get to interview all those sharp people. That makes you both sharp, almost by definition.

Nuclear Grade Op Tests kinda suk, to be honest. Truth be told. Long story. "Is that a drop? Am I seeing a drop? I think I am seeing a drop. There it is! A drop. Test failed. You need to do it over, bitch."

But dude, while I got you here .. I must say » I don't know how you do it. But you are the boss, right? You are Lauren's boss, yes? I see the title "Editor" listed there beside your name, but no titles beside the names of any others. Other sources label you 'Editor-in-Chief'. The term chief sounds a lot like 'boss,' no? So that is how you do it. (In other words » you CAN'T get fired .. cuz you're the boss.)

That is a joke. Tho text makes jokes a challenge. I am still experimenting in that area. But so far, my opinion is » only those people who get you .. will reliably get your jokes. Because you loose body language and voice inflection .. and things like chuckles (end quote).

Speaking of jokes .. so, tell me .. what is it like to me Lauren's boss? You know .. I have wondered myself what it must be like. To be Lauren's boss.

I have been the boss of pretty women before .. and my experience was » they want to please you. They want your favor. They want to be on your good side. Totally understandable, no?

I mean, it doesnt necessarily need to be sexual, no. But let's be honest .. that doesnt mean it can't be. Oh, the stories I could tell. Don't get me started. Some things better taken to your grave, no?

[ Ooh .. here is something interesting and very much along these lines. By Gesche Haas. The name Gesche reminds me of Porsche and Nietzsche. With the letters sche at the end (shuh). Very German-sounding. She's cute .. like you. Tho she looks so young. I can't help but wonder what your feelings are on this story and whether you can relate to her. I'm sure you can. I'm sure you do. You probably get emails like this all the time. (I sent you a few myself just last night. Why havent you responded? Remind me to tell you about the availability of the old church that I used to live in. Maria remodeled it. Nice vibes in there .. because of the praise and worship that occurred there long ago. And then I put my own special brand of spirituality there .. for a few interesting years. Good flirting sometimes sows the seeds of future events that you can use to demonstrate your uniqueness. Because the truly fascinating woman is naturally going to say » "Show me why this is not just more of the same old bullshit that I've been fed for so long now..." Right? So .. you, as the man, must show her. A thought that I will return to later .. but consider what I say. If you're not too girly-scared, that is. I talk about Maria's vacation rental when I talk about Heidi later. Notice the use of time travel here. But, if you are scared and want to bring a friend to protect you, I could certainly understand that. )

Oh, look at that .. Maria also has listed the property there in St Anne's (That is the name of the cross-street with PCH .. the mountain-side of PCH.

I have not lived at that property .. but I have been invted there for Thanksgiving there once.

And I remember thinking that this might be my best Thanksgiving ever. The food. I think the property came from Richard's side of the family.

Richard was the father of Maria's kids .. tho obviously not her step-kids from her later marriage. She was married BEFORE meeting the father of her kids .. but that is another story (THo, very interesting yes. Maria is fascinating .. in her own way. If you rent her vacation rentals from her, I bet that she will tell you dirt about me. We go way back. But I know dirt on her too. So she will make you pay for dirt on me. She will make you pay for everything.

But even Richard, the father of her two biological children .. he is very interesting too. I saw him hosing off the sidewalk infront of the property there at St Anne's .. but I could not get down the window quick enough to stick out my head and shout "Richard!"

The fact that Richard handles Maria makes him a legend. Few guys 'handle' Maria. But that is another story. I should note however, that he shared with some of his techniques .. that worked marvellously .. in dealing with my own version of insanity. So don't think I am not grateful for Richard.

But remind me to tell you the story about that time .. when we were ALL LIVING TOGETHER AT THE BIG HOUSE .. in South Laguna ..

.. and Richard came to pick up the kids for school .. (.. this was back when the Bug's mom was living there .. before she became the Bug's mom .. while we are living in different "apartments" .. within the same house) ..

.. and Maria is SCREAMING AT Richard .. whois standing down in the driveway .. and she is going on for a really long time .. and finally Richard just said .. in a calm rational voice » "You're an animal."

(You cannot make up this shit.)

But this is really what I want to tell you .. how I had Thanksgiving there .. and I knew that this was a special Thanksgivin for me. Because of these people. Who took me in on Thanksgiving into the family ..

.. and genuinely made me feel loved .. but the thing is .. they made me feel loved so well that I felt MORE LOVED .. than I did with peole who you might thing really loved me more. A conundrum. An enigma.

But it feels great to feel that loved. The grandmother was there .. and you can kinda see how all that loved flowed from her .. even across to her in-laws who werent even really her in-laws. Strange, no?

I am gonna talk more about what made my Thanksgiving so special there .. but now is not the time. Maria was the one who invited me. The food was really remarkably. And so much of it .. each course better than one before. The easy way that the laughs came. The miltiple generations all gather there together. Good wne, too. Anybody woulda felt fortunate to be invited to their Thanksgiving. Tho they had long ago accepted me into their family.

I hear from Evan Maria's step-son that Maria now lives in Arizona where she married a guy she met at Harmony .. and that she left the kids with Richard to finish high-school and college and whatnot.

Mikaela, who is Maria's oldest .. she is the one who came up with the Bug's first name. She was living there in the same (Big House) when the Bug was 'first conceived' .. you might say. The Bug was both conceived and born in Laguna Beach. No, I didnt plan it like that.

I never slept with Maria .. so don't let her lie to you and tell you that I did. Tho she badly wanted to, of course. She was my landly .. a that place where Ilived for free .. so she had 'influence' over me.

And when I would not service her in the way she required and demanded .. she had to let me go ..

.. tho she will almost certainly tell you that it was about the money. And there might be some truth to that .. but it was about > more than just the money.

But I love Maria. I can give her shit, and tease .. but I respect her. Few people try harder than Maria.

I mean, we lived together in the same house for some years. HOw can your lives not be intricately linked?

Remind me the story about what happened when she asked Marenko (her 80-year-old husband) .. if I could live there in the Big House (after the Bug's mom moved out on me .. only six weeks after we moved in together to a place with a year-lease.)

I could probably immortalize Maria forever in text .. similar to how Hemingway immortalized some of his closest friends .. were I inspired enough.

If I was comp'ed a wek or two (or three) at one of her properties .. that might inspire me. Ya never know.

But it should probably be the place there at St. Anne's .. cuz the other place .. which Maria now calls the retentious Le Maison Blanc .. where I used to live for a few years .. with the Film school girl .

.. that is right next to where Julie still lives. Who I no longer have any photos posted of .. but if you stay at "Le Maison Blanc" .. you cannot miss her. Trust me.

But .. dont you feel me clever for bartering in this way? When you run out of cash, you need to start getting creative. Like Rembrandt offering to paint your portrait for a cup of coffee. Or Pavarotti offerang to sing a song for you .. in exchange for some yummy puttanesca.

And don't get me started on the topic of being an attractive, smart, clean, educated, man. And some might say 'sexy' .. uh, because they have. But that is another story.

Some times it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. For a while. Until the statute of limitations are up.

Maria however treated me to a few days at Two Bunch .. after I helped her kids build their own computers .. from scratch. So I know that she embraces the barter system.

That let me take the Bug's mom there. At the same time that the Film school girl just happened to be there. I shit you not.

Clearly, the Film school girl did not want me to take the Bug's mom there .. at the same time that she was going to be there. (The Bug's mom is a yoga girl. I thought it would be no problem. I thought > one big happy family. I was wrong.)

Anyway .. back to German girl .. Gesche .. you should invite her for an interview. Or at least a cup of coffee. To discuss and compare notes about what it's like to be a hottie in a man's world.

Let's me honest .. if I had buckets of angel money at my ready-disposal, I am sure that I would make you an offer that you couldnt refuse. But my current situaition forces me to develop skills that the uber wealthy does not have to develop. Because most girls that I know would go for the cast .. in a heart-beat. Perhaps it is a regional thing. I mean, SoCal girls are famous for their prowess at bagging and snagging their angels. No? Come on. Should I quote for you chapter and verse? Grab tell-tale links? You do not want that, trust me. So maybe this girl simply has not yet developed her technique. Or maybe she knows that .. when you are smart and good-looking and sexy and you want something .. something that you are willing to sacrifice for .. that maybe you don't need to accept the first offer that comes your way. In other words .. she is saying to the uber wealthy guy » "Show me the money, bitch. And then maybe I will let you by me another beer .. German beer."

Of course, Gesche would know better. How do you pronounce her name? Haas reminds of the name of the avocado orchards that I walk thru.

Part of me is surprized that I have gone off on this tangent, this part, this topic.

Looks like the Daily News picked up the story. Dated August 20, 2014. ]

I was in charge of between 60 & 110 people for a number of years. A friend once said, "You're what the Romans would call a centurion."

It definitely gves you respect for the man who is in charge of large numbers of people.

I was in charge of the contractors who provided services in the field of radiation protection. Senior techs .. with a minimum of 3 years experience .. but often with many more. Impressive fuckers, for the most part. From all over the country, but mostly from your local.

My boss sat at i desk in a trailer outside the plant. He worked the political magic. I covered things inside the plant. The technical aspects. But which included scheduling.

Scheduling was actually the primary reason that I was sent to help house staff as a contractor. With contractors and house, we had ~200-250 people to schedule. It was a nightmare when I arrived. The kind when you pull your hair out.

As a contractor, you are still limited by union abitration in what you can do. The house only really wants you to do the shit that they themselves would rather not do .. or simply dont have te manpower or technical expertise to do.

And as the days tick down to the beginning of an outage, a power outage, where the reactor is shut down and you start off-loading the old, used, burnt, (glowing) spent uranium fuel cells ..

.. the scheduling can can tricky. Because there are always changes. And one change affects another. If you dont know what I'm talking about, I envy you.

And the house general foremen would give me their email addy's .. so I could log in and send out out the official no-shit beginning-of-outage schedule. For day 1 thru day 7. A weekly schedule .. that continues until the end of the outage.

And I would come in on the weekends .. and talk to all the supes and make sure everything was copesetic. And Iwould call my boss at house and tell him what problems we had and what we (uh, I) was doing about them.

It's okay to have problems in nuclear power. But it is not okay to say that you are doing nothing about it. This should obvious. But maybe it bears mentioning anyway.

And my boss would say .. "When you come in on the weekends, even if it's just for a few hours ..that makes me feel good at home .. that I know the place isnt melting down."

I would usually spend 3 or, no more than 5 hours in on a Saturday. I kinda had two bosses » an in-plant boss and an out-of-the-plant boss.

The out-of-the-plant boss was my real boss, cuz he was the one who handed me my paychecks. (Phatties.) And he was also the one who chewed my ass harder. That was actually his thing. Beyond being able to schmooze those who needed schmoozing, he was legend for his ability to chew ass. No shit.

If you tell this to his face tomorrow, he will blush and become embarrassed .. because he knows it is true.

But he did not chew your ass unless you really fucked up. I mean, it wasnt like he really tried to be such a good ass-chewer. It was as tho it came naturally to him.

One time .. after the poor person whose ass he chewed left the office (dismissed) > "Now get the fuck out of here before I change my mind and fire your ass."

.. we just sat there in silence after what had seemed like a very long ass-chewing .. of savage proportions .. for 30 or maybe even 45 seconds ..

.. until I couldnt stand it any longer [ we were the only two at that point ] and I blurted out > "Oh my god. That was the mother-of-all ass-chewing."

And he shiled like the cat who art the canary .. fucking feathers hanging out of the corner of its mouth. And he chuckled, but not because he was trying to.

I didnt say anything else. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I put the pressure on him. I mean, fuck, he was fucking good at what he did .. which was chewing ass.

I did not chew ass like that. I would tell people, "Look, bro. You need to take care of this or I will not be able to help you. Claro?" Thas demonstrates to the man (or even the girl, sometimes) that I respect them .. as both a professional and and a person.

And 9 times out of 10 they would modify the behavior beautifully and everybody is a happy camper.

And they would say » "Claro. Thanks for being clear and not chewing my ass for 20 minutes."

But there IS that one time out of 10. Or there is also the time when they fuck up so badly .. that I cannot help them.

And sometimes problems arise on a Saturday WHILE I AM THERE. And now I am a hero .. because I stay until the thing is resolved. That is why my bosses like me there o Saturdays. Cuz now they dont have to come in. Feel me?

But with my in-the-plant bosses and just plain in-plant .. is where I spent the vast majority of my time. Almost all of it.

But here's my point (i know you dont believe me, but it's true nonetheless) » Neither of my bosses put any restrictions on my hours .. beyond those dictated federally, of course. And even there, we had some administrative leeway.

When you take a job like that .. there are commitments that come with it. And who doesnt take pride in their work? Can you respect the man who doesnt take pride in his work? In what he does. In his chosen profession.

I feel that there is a yearning deep in the heart of every man .. to want to be good at what he does .. whatever it is that he might do.

And especially so if what it is he does happen to deal with reactors or other things that could harm large numbers of people if handled carelessly. No?

So .. did I mention already that it has been my experience .. when you are the boss of other people .. there is really an intoxicating feeling of power that comes along with it.

Especially when you are good at what you do and the right people recognize it.

One time, the INPO inspector team comes to thas plant where I am working. And they are inspecting the house, the utility. And they are twitching, definitely. Everybody twitches when the nuclear inspectors come to inspect you.

And they look at the contractor, yes, tho not nearly as closely as they do at the utility. And you are thinking about (but not saying, no) your utility boss » "Dude, you are one twitchy motherfucker. I know what that feels like, trust me, so I feel for you. But it cracks me up, nonetheless."

And after the INPO people come and "review" my contractor boss (my real boss, my ass-chewing boss). .. after they spend a good chunk of the day up his ass with a flashlight ..

.. I stopped by and said, "So how did it go?"

And he says » "You know those inspections that you have your lead-people do in-plant? The man likes that. He is going to talk to the Utility man about why he doesnt have his people doing them."

I should probably add here, that this was not something I myself had thought up, no. Rather this was something that I myself had been assigned to do .. at another plant .. which my boss there had instructed my to do. Documemted daily inspection tours. Basically » this is what I found today that was fucked up and this is what I did to fix the fucker. And if it as something that I cant fix by myself .. at least you know it about it. Dont say I didnt tell you, bitch. So get off you ivory-tower cushion and try to do something worthwhile for once. I exaggerate, yes .. but you catch my drift.

It is difficult for me to adequately convey to you the sense of boner-city-ness it gives a contractor boss when the people inspecting his own utility boss says » "You are doing better than the itility itself is doing."

Beyond this, there was also, when I knew INPO was coming .. that I told my utility supervisors (several of them) » "You should modify how you handle the control of high radiation areas .. to make it more restrictive."

And I said this because I had seen INPO trick-fuck a utility at another plant. Ieven wrote a letter and cc'ed the big bosses.

Anyway, the utility basically told me to go fuck off. INPO arrived a few days later and the first thing they do is trick-fuck them about their lax control of high radiation areas. To be honest, I forget the exact specifics now. But they really dont matter.

No. I did not say » "Told you so." But I thought » "I can only help you if you let me."

It was right after that they they gave me pretty much free reign to do what I wanted .. and listened to the things I had to say much more closely. I gave them credit for that.

Ang yes, I started making them look good. They could see that I was not the type to crave power. I would go to them quietly, when need be, and say, "Do you have a minute?"

"Yes, certainly. Close the door."

I would plead my case. [ To my in-plant bosses, mostly. ] They would nod and say "Okay. Thanks."

And a few days later » thus-n-so would happen. Beautiful.

For example, one of the hardest things to deal with is when you are a contractor is when one of your people come to you and she is a girl and she says » "My utility-boss is fucking with me."

And especially if she is kinda hot. This takes a deft hand. I could feel it challenging me. Everything must take the proper channel. You have several different things to balance.

My contractor-boss had long ago said to me » "Anything that smacks of sexual or racial harassment .. I need to know about that right-the-fuck now. Everything stops. We meet with our minds and we address the situation and we never let it be said by anybody that we did jack-shit. We work at a federal facility. With federal regulations. We are bonded with a multi-million dollar bond and we dont want to forfeit our bond. We will probably conduct a thorough investigation. And by we, just to be clear, I mean » you."

Me » "Okay."

Here's another point » when you are the boss, and you are good at what you do, and the right people know it, and the right people listen to you ..

.. uh, people naturally want to get on your good side. To curry your favor. (Whether or not you even want them to .. and sometimes even when you might rather they did not.)

Take for example the hypothetical situation .. where one of your boss's wife's technically works for you.

I will not eloborate, no, but simply leave you to your imigination. Tho, perhaps you might've notice how I no longer seem to be working in the nuclear industry, right? ]

Enough of this talk about what it might be like to be boss of Lauren and other pretty girls who assume positions of power that are perhaps not readily obvious .. to the casual observer.

I could segway nicely here right into a discussion about the way that women wield power in today's society But I won't. But yes, I do indeed find it interesting.

So .. if you happen to be an attractive woman who understand how power is wielded by women in the twenty-first century .. then I can feel something inside of me that wants to hear from you.

Because most of my research springs from the last century. And we live in a new century now. A new age. Old things have passed away .. behold all things are new.

Maybe tonight when I go to sleep, I will dream about being Lauren's boss. Won't that be fun? Hey, you can't help what you dream about, right?

Tho the Bug tells me that he can lucid dream no problem and that he does it often. That fascinates me. I actually asked him lots of questions about it. He's like, "You mean everybody doesnt do this?" But that's another story.

I actually knew about, and followed you guys at the Daily Ticker long before Lauren came along. So you and I go back. We have history.

Oh, dude. Speaking of history .. your question regarding the drawing of a direct line posed to Martin Wolf here .. was very nice. I watched that video three times. Lots of big-picture dynamics to ponder there. Especially regarding the effectiveness and 'prestige of' Capitalism itself. I like the way he responds to one of your later questions by saying » "I dont have a good answer to this question, but ..." Very honest. Surprisingly so.

Martin Wolf & the Inevitability of Another Financial Catastrophe

Oh, look .. you with Martin Wolf follow-up here. Wow. I could wax verbose on that subject .. of the inevitability of another financial crisis .. because of the way the system is designed to operate.

He answers questions impresively. Clearly. Straight-forwardly. Honestly. At one point he says (admittingly) » ".. and I dont have a good answer for this .."

.. but he gives you the impression that he gets it .. that he is somehow able to see behind the curtain.

He actually gives me the same feeling that I get from listening to Stiglitz. Like they know how to break it down for you .. like that is a part of their gift.

Anyway, maybe later I will return to this topic. The topic of » the inevitability of another financial catastrophe ..

.. because that was also my impression from my own research into the subject .. from way back .. almost from day 1.

But perhaps it might be instructive for us to review the definition of the term » inevitable .. see here »

  1. defn #1 » Impossible to avoid or prevent. See Synonyms at certain
  2. defn #2 » Predictable, or always happening

It would seem to me .. that anybody who helped prevent such a crisis from occurring .. from preventing the mass suffering and misery associated with such an economic and financial disaster .. would be deserving of major karmic kudos .. no?

They say that there are only two certainties in life .. do they not?

Anyway, give my best to Martin Wolf the next time you see him.

Here is something, by the way, that I feel you should shine some YF light on. Fascinating implications there, no?

» What Real Quantatative Easing Looks Like

Rumor has at that Lauren knew that I followed you guys at the Daily Ticker and that's the reason why she wanted to join your team. Tho she will probably deny it.

My sources tell me that she said » "That Rad guy follows Aaron and the guys at the Daily Ticker. So I will join up with them and show his nuclear-industrial ass what some REAL quantitative easing looks like." [[[ « this is the kind of flirting that I did with the church-singer girl ..

.. which (presumably) got me into trouble with the pastor. (I speculate.)

It involves using a reference to a well-known current event (such as » quantitative easing) and changing it inference by casting the reference in a suggestive light.

I actually feel that this is a more sophisticated form of flirting. Because it displays your ability to not only discuss current events, but also to play that off of your true feelings.

I am talking about genuine feelings. Should I pretend that I don't crave your stuff when I do? I am not saying that you need to follow up with sexual intimacy, but shouldnt we at least be honest about our true desires?

I never did sleep with that church-singer. And that wasnt the point. But that didnt mean that I didnt want to. end of comment about type-of-flirting done with church singer .. that got me in trouble. ]]]

Sometimes I get tired of restraining my ego all the time .. so I just say "Fuck it," and let it run wild for a while .. and then say » "Are you done?"

My inner critic/editor is giving me shit » "Dude, I'm not even gonna edit this shit. You're totally out of control. You can edit that yourself. I'll be sitting over here on the bleachers, taking a break. Have at it. Knock yourself out. Say hi to Lauren for me."

But here's my point » as digital age journalists » you have to call 'bullshit' on bullshit. Especially when it is fucking up the economy (and by extension » our lives).

And the lives of the next generation.

If you let them, these clowns, these self-serving clowns, will flush the whole enchilada down the pooper. The last time they did this, they said » "Uh, we had no idea that such a thing could ever happen."

If nothing else, you can say » "We tried to tell you. But you wouldnt listen."

In the nuclear industry, you quickly come to despise incompetence. But sometimes these people are your bosses. So you have to bite your tongue.

As digital age journals, are you both not still experimenting with the capabilities of the media? The limits? How can you not?

Looks like Lauren has some new threads. All business-like. Katie Couric must be talking to her. Did you give her a raise?

Regarding the Fed .. arent you glad that they (Janet Yellen) at least agreed to meet with those 'protesters' (What recovery, bitch?).

I mean, it was a nice gesture. "We hear you. Thank-you for coming. I'll tell my boss that you were here. Now go away. Because we can only help the rich people right now. That is just the way the system works, okay? They only give me control of this lever here that says » "More-money-for-the-already-super-rich" or "Less-money-for-the-already-super-rich." I do not have control of the lever that says "More-money-for-you-poor-fucks" You need to go talk to your congressmen. And hey, good look with that." So my hope is that .. if I just shit-out ga-zillions and ga-zillions of dollars to the already-super-rich .. then maybe some crumbs will filter down your way. Oh look! A crumb! Ha! Fooled ya. Made you look. You poor fucks are so stupid. You'll fall for anything. If I didnt have my hand on the monetary throttle as hard as I do, you wouldnt even be able to afford those stupid-looking tee-shirts shirts that you're all wearing. Nice color, tho, I must admit. Beautiful color. Now go away. Dont make me call for a military-grade ass-whupping for y'all. You think Ferguson was ugly? Son, one phone call and Ferguson will seem like a friendly game of paint-ball on a Saturday afternoon."

Along these lines, notice what Pimco honcho Paul McCulley says here » "It is not a tasteful choice for the Fed at all. It reeks with social injustice. But it also happens to be the only viable choice: Use all available powers, with whatever-it-takes abandon, to reflate prices that are amenable to going up: long-term bonds and stocks." [ More similar info here. ]

Stiglitz stood up for Yellen, and I trust Stiglitz .. so that gives me faith in Yellen that she wont do something stupid. (Tho I have misplaced my trust before.)

I was there in Jackson Hole once. In the Navy. They have reactors out in the desert in neighboring Idaho that the Navy trains you on.

I never ski'ed Jackson Hole, But I did have a beer at the world-famous Silver-Dollar Million-Dollar Cowboy Bar. I did ski Targhee, tho. (Also in Wyoming.) I loved that place. That's the place that made me want to be a dad.

But you are right about Ben. He is saying » "I jumped over a tall building with a single bound. Well, I know you can't actually SEE the building .. but trust me .. if I didnt jump over it, it would've fallen right on your stupid cabeza. So you should be thanking me right now that you are not covered in rubble."

Oh, dude (update) .. lookie here. You should know that, if you say anything unflattering about Uncle Ben .. that Paul Krugman will promptly climb to the top rung and deliver a flying atomic elbow to your financial news cabeza.

Krugman is so smart (and irreverent) .. I can see why he has a Nobel prize. "There was a whiff of desperation about the announcement, which was reassuring." =) He cracks me up, sometimes.

[ Henry looks good there. Tan. Healthy. Rested. In fighting shape. ] <end Krugman update>

Speaking of news that supports Uncle Ben's policies ...

Janet Yellen & the Federal Reserve Should » Send You Cash Money

You just don't quit, do you? I just saw your piece with Mark Blyth, professor of international political economy at Brown university (.. there in Providence, Rhode Island).

I have been to Newport and Cape Cod and Martha's Vineyard, but never to Brown itself .. tho, I must say, I have often thought that .. if my daddy were king .. Brown is where I would have liked to go.

The area. The reputation. The vibe. Again, I could be wrong, because I've never actually been there .. but, I bet that I would have enjoyed myself there at Brown, ranked #14 by US News.

Where was I? Oh, yeah .. your piece with Mark Blyth (what happened to the 'e' at the end of his name?)

Regarding a "provocative article" that he wrote with Eric Lonergan .. in the Sept/Oct issue of Foreign Affairs.

Did you notice perchance what I wrote in my entry titled » Capital is an Accounting Construct (?) .. where I wrote (May, 2014, based on your interview of April 29) »

» I want to say to these people » "Dude, as long as you keep creating this imaginary money that exists only in your mind .. why dont you send some my way? ..

.. and to people who really need it .. instead of sending it only to those who already have way more than they know what to do with?

I am not even going to tell you what my ego is saying, because it is so embarrassing. But I wasnt really serious when I wrote that.

Along these lines, you should check out what Frank has to say here.

I will have more to say on this topic .. but the real reason I wanted to inject an update today .. is because I went for a walk this evening. At night. Because it was pretty hot today.

And it was a beautiful night. Ga-zillions of stars. And I was thinking about all kings of stuff. You know.

And toward the end of my walk, I was thinking about you and this interview that you published today with Blyth. And many tangential topics. (I won't bore you with the details.)

But, while I was thinking this stuff about you .. a shooting star goes off in the East. I shit you not. And it is pointing straight downward .. toward your general direction.

Probably just a coincidence, I know. But was was an impressive shooting star. Lasted a good 3 seconds. Very bright. Bright enough to catch your attention while you are deeply engaged in thought.

I was actually walking on the part of this road .. just past the flag pole .. heading toward the mountains. So the shooting star was actually aligned-with the ROAD/PATH that I was on. (You shoulda been there, girl.)

Now even I cannot make up stuff like this (.. falling stars pointing your way). You must admit. So .. this is how it works .. if you are feeling me .. then you should ALSO have similar things popping off on your end.

Confirming indications, you might term them. Quantumn theory says that a "partiicle" can be part-of-you (the same thing) and still be far-far, super-duper far away.

And that when you do/feel something here, they respond there .. strongly and instantly.

Think about that for a while and I will show you (demonstrate) what I mean. [ This is gonna be so much fun. Welcome to the twenty-first century. Where have you been all my life? ]

Come to think of it .. Ralph's house is for sale. Nice house. Gorgeous. Ralph is moving to Montana, where his sister now lives, and where he has purchased some prime lake-front land where he plans to build something nice. He built this house himself, with the help of sub-contractors. Trust me when I say that he is meticulous. You should get Bill to buy it for you. I will look after it for you while you are away. And when you arrive, I can come over and talk to you .. to see how your week went. And feed you some of my world-famous puttanesca. Should I get the realtor info for you? He is asking $1.1 mil, but is willing to bargain. Heck, that's pocket change for Bill. Oh, it looks like Bill might be in trouble with federal regulators.

Another thing that I was thinking about on my starry walk this evening .. was how the writer, in order to be a good writer .. has to actually » "go there" (.. in his writing) ..

.. not so differently from how the actor » "must become" (.. the character that they are portraying).

And how this piece on Flirting that I am writing .. in order for me to craft it well .. I must » "go there" .. to the land where flirting is done.

And how I really do like you. Beyond your hotness .. which yes, can be hard to get beyond, at times. [ « this here is just an honest flirt. Where I am merely stating the obvious. Nothing fancy. The panther is reclining on the floor saying, "Tell me something I dont already know." ]

And I am noticing these feelings in myself .. they sure feel real to me. I laugh more easily. You know.

Tho .. to be honest .. I feel that .. for two people to really have that "in love" feeling .. the all-consuming stuff .. that sexual union is necessary ..

.. that you, the man, need to be ringing her bell on a regular basis. No? I mean, in a way, it seems obvious, no? (I am just thinking out loud, analyzing my thoughts as they become apparent).

What are you thoughts on this subject? =)

My own thoughts on a related subject see to be .. that sexual intimacy should be so passionate and special and satisfying .. that if the relationship ever does not work .. that they will forver miss those passionate times that you shared.

If a girl is uninspriring in the bedroom .. and the relationship fails .. is the guy going to be very bummed? I think not.

But, if you took nightly journeys together to distant galaxies and then your space ship suddenly blew i gasket .. you will be trying to fix that gasket. You know I'm right.

Myself, I am attached to women who are physically affectionate. Perhaps this is because of the way I was raised. Lots of aunts and cousins who are very huggy.

Supposedly there are three main ways that people feel loved

  1. being TOLD that they are loved
  2. physical demonstrations of AFFECTION (hugs, kisses, caresses, etc)
  3. being given GIFTS

I have some negative experiences with people telling me that they love me and giving me things/gifts to prove that they love me .. but then show me that they really dont.

To item #1, I would say » talk can be cheap and actions speak louder than words. And to item #3, I would say » gift should not be a substitute for affection.

But some people are just not naturally afectionate (for whatever reason). These people are not for me.

So this is probably why #2 works best for me. But yes, when you have all three together, that is the best.

But along these lines (.. of the regular bell-ringing that accompanies intimate sexual union) .. I have some ideas about ways for the muse to stimulate creativity in the object of her affection and admiration.

Tho this probably is not the place for that.

Interns on Wall Street & at Reactor Plants

Also, I must say .. that I found interesting Mackie's comments near the end of this video .. where he says » "The whole summer internship at Wall Street is about the interns not screwing up Labor day week .. so the grown-ups can go the Hamptons."

[ Mackie looks good there .. does he not? He must have gotten a massage or a sauna. Or both. ]

Two things.

I used to work at a job where we had two summer interns. Smart guys. Very preppy. They knew what the books said, but they did not know how actual business was done.

To be honest, I don't know if they were paid or not. I did not ask. They worked a standard Monday-thru-Friday 40-hour week.

I liked them because they were obviously smart. They would be assigned some rather cerebral projects, but were always coming to ask me about how the specifics of things were done.

And yes, I was glad to help, as they were pleasant fellows to talk to. And you never know .. they might end up being my boss, some day.

They were working in a group that I would call » "theorectical radiation protection" .. while I was in working in a group you might call » "applied radiation protection".

My point here is perhaps .. that just because somebody is smart and has read much on the topic, doesnt mean he knows how things are done.

Another tangential point worth noting along these lines is .. my boss at that job rarely went on vacation. But when he did, another guy took over for him.

And every time the boss went away, there would always arise some major crisis that needed resolving. The sky is falling type of shit.

Yes, every time. To the point that I started getting antsy every time the boss talked about taking some vacation time.

And people started noticing the pattern and speculated that he was actually creating and encouraging these problems .. so that he could fix them .. so he could demonstrate his skills as a problem-solver to other management there ..

.. so that when and if the boss ever retired, he would be seen as the natural person to take over.

In other words, he would take a mole-hill and turn it into a mountain .. so that he could fix the mountainous problem and be seen as a capable hero .. in line for the throne.

So maybe these summer interns at Wall Street look for and cultivate problems to "fix" .. in order to demonstrate their skills at managing affairs within a financial organization. Sound resonable?

This interview that you posted with Blyth (.. on August 29) .. represents the end of the month. I am going to try to truncate this entry (On Flirting) here. It already looks like a lot of work to me.

I think a month was how long I took to craft the Writing entry (4-pages). A month of flirting with Lauren. That almost sound like a title.

Sometimes your people there at Yahoo delete the video after a while .. which is why I try to get the exact quote WHEN you give them to me.

I mean, when you heard a quote such as "The greatest monetary policy experiment in history" .. how can you let something like that go un-collected? (Answer » you can't.)

I can honestly say, and I suspect you believe when I say .. that, when I began this entry on Flirting .. I never thought I would end up here.

Pimco Founder Bill Gross makes like Neo and dons a pair of matrix sunglassesSpeaking of which .. have you noticed how Bill said that the thing we (the economy) need(s) is » more animal spirits.

That is an interesting idea, no?

You are aware .. that when Bill talks about 'animal spirits' he is really talking about the panther?

I am going to grab that cool photo of him and put it here. This photo of him reminds me of Neo in the Matrix.

I know it's a September comment, but I can't help myself. Bill was nice to you and that makes me like him.

But right now I so badly want to craft a little love letter to Bill O .. which may tangetially touch on the subject of white privilege. We may even bring Megyn Kelly into the discussion.

Update September 1, 2014 - Labor Day

Because this is a subject I feel qualified to discuss. My ego is whispering the word 'uniquely' in my ear .. but I will not go that far.

Sometimes things come to me .. as if on there own. I only say that because, look .. here they come.

In particular .. after I viewed some of the O'Reilly-Megyn Kelly discussion on the topic .. many things have been speaking to me.

Because I feel like I am well-positioned to see the perspectives on both sides of the fence. And maybe even 3-D .. like those cool cameras that they use at the Superbowl .. where you get an excellent view of the reception."Did he maintain possession?"

Bill O, Megyn Kelly, White Privilege & Maybe Even Mike Brown

But first, perhaps, I should say to Bill .. that I listened to your audio book on Killing Lincoln. Friends checked out the audio book from the (non-local) library and I overheard them playing it.

I found it fascinating. I particularly took note that you narrate the audio yourself .. which I really like. Cuz you have a speaking voice that is easy to follow, mesh with. (What you don't have, Sir .. that I will get to later.)

Did you write that book yourself? I heard that you have ghost writers who you pay a dollar a page to write it for you.

Actually, I didnt hear a dollar-a-page .. but I did hear that you use ghostwriters. I mean, you are so busy with the Factor, right? How could you possibly have time to do both?

What you do have, Sir .. is the feeling that you DESERVE WHAT YOU HAVE. This should be obvious. I mean, who does not want to feel this way?

This actually a good thing .. that we are having this discusion. That our nation is mature enough to discuss such things. It represents progress, no?

When you surmised your argument by saying » "Until the culture changes, nothing is gonna get better." [ quote from memory, I will go get the exact quote later. I am too much in the flow right now.

Anyway, Bill .. when I heard your quote .. I thought of the thing, the impetus, that made Dostoevsky want to write » Notes from Underground.

Which was a passage from this Russian dude named » Chernyshevsky, Nikolai. In a book that Chernyshevsky published the year prior (1863). You can find that passage » here.

It's actually a surprisingly valid pattern-matching analogy. On multiple levels. I fancy myself clever, sometimes.

Perhaps I may expound on exactly what I mean .. but first things first .. Megyn Kelly .. dude, is she not a hottie? In the summer she was wearing those sleeve-less outfits that displayed her pythons .. her guns .. along with a new 'do'.

I didnt hear a word she said.

She was a lawyer, Bill. She is clearly at least 3 times smarter than you. But just the fact that she will come on your show and debate you .. makes you look good.

I mean, she could place the sole of her stiletto on your forehead .. and you'd still look good.

Where was I? Oh yeah .. beyond sheer mismatch of intelligence .. notice in particular the general outlines / themes / parameters / structures .. how the argument proceeded » FACTS (statistics) vs ideas-that-i-have-dreamed-up-in-my-head-that-i-came-up-with-myself-because-they-work-for-me-and-many-people-like-me.

Notice, Bill .. how the name Megyn Kelly sounds very Irish .. just like your name .. but how the name » Mike Brown .. not so much.

I know it doesnt seem like it fits here, but trust me .. I will tie it in at the appropriate time.

There are so many different paths before me that I could take. Maybe I should just pause here a moment .. so I pick the right one.

Oh, okay. I see. Cool. Story time.

I am going to tell you a story, Bill. You should like this story. Because it involves an Irish boy giving me shit. An impressive Irish boy.

Not so much giving me shit .. as letting me that there was something that I wasnt getting. As only the Irish can.

And I want to just tell you the thing that I need to tell you .. and move on. But I can't. First I must tell you the story.

Because .. if I just tell you, you won't get it. And there is a part of me that does not care .. if you don't get it. That I am really only here because of Megyn.

And that I'd really rather return to flirting with the girl at Yahoo Finance. And watch the stars fall out of the sky.

Like you, I would rather not confront the issue of white privilege .. and especially not how it might be fucking up other people .. who deserve better. Much better.

That maybe in time .. perhaps upon deep philosophical reflection while soaking in a spa later in life .. much later, you will get it. Click. The lightbulb will go on for you.

But then there is a part of me that thinks otherwise. And if I can get you to see this .. then I will earn points with the boss .. and he will take me out for a root beer float at the Ruby at the end of the Balboa pier.

So I am going to tell you my story. But before I do that .. do you not find that, in general, the Irish just simply seem to have a certain spiritual dimension to them? Perhaps I am not saying it right.

But you know what I mean. That they "get it" .. "it" being » that thing-beyond .. that not everybody gets.

I would be interested on your thoughts of the relative merits of speech and expression and the ability to convey one's thoughts .. of your medium vs my medium.

I mean, you have yourself a medium there, don't you? You must get a boner coming to work every day.

Your medium is like the big, giant establishment. And I am like the fly, the flea, the insect, the little guy, the faint voice crying in the wilderness, the che guavara of trying to have your voice and your opinion heard .. on the cheap.

Did you know that the image of Che Guevara is the most widely reproduced image in the history of the planet. No, Ihave not counted, but the source was reputable. Ernest and his crazy motorcycle .. where he travelled South America .. seeing how ordinary folks were being treated.

But I digress. My point is the interesting contrast of your publicity vs that of Ernesto the societal researcher. Particularly when you compare the relative finances behind each of you.

I saw that you actually came off vacation early to rant about not having white privilege. I hope that I am not saying it wrong, but you were clearly frothing at the mouth.

Back when I when I was thinking about going to see '!2 Years a Slave' a white friend said to me (something like) >"If I hear another word about white privilege, my fucking head is going to explode."

I sometimes imagine that a similar feeling must have caused you to cut short your vacation and caused you to explode out of there and come set straight the record on white privilege.

I saw that Blow did a little piece of the topic .. but the argument loses some of its steam .. coming from a black man, no?

I mean no disrespect. I am merely addressing the dynamics involved in the conveyance of ideas.

My point is that » a white man should address this issue. Other wise the white man of privilege will simply respond by saying » "What do you know about what it is like to be white?"

Blow follows up with interesting statistics here.

» Getting Off-Topic with Blow | Spanking vs Whipping

[[ Unrelatedly, Blow kicks serious ass here. A black man speaking to another black man .. see how beautifully that works?

He is able to take his points all the way home. I was very impressed while reading that. Somebody buy that man a beer for me. Thunder. Again, it is off-topic, but so worth mentioning, because you get a similar effect from/with Michael Eric Dyson.

Since we are already off-topic here .. let me just get completely off the porch and say to Mr. Blow » this is not 'spanking' .. as you have titled your piece. Spanking is something done with a HAND .. an open hand. And spanking doesnt draw blood.

Rather this is » whipping. Whipping is that which what was done to black slaves .. which is why (it seems to me) that no black parent should ever (ever!) whip their children. (Did I say 'ever'?) Much less a 4-year old boy.

Do blacks in Africa whip their four-year-old boys until they bleed? I doubt it. I seriously doubt it.

Being white I am conscious of the liberties that I am taking here. But I am familiar with the (dysfunctional) techniques of abusive parents ..

.. who seem unable to grow beyond the dysfunctional techniques visited upon them by their OWN dysfunctional parents.

I am not saying that it is easy. Because it is not. It is difficult to grow beyond the limiting dysfunctions programmed into us early and often by dysfunctional parents .. at such formative years. Very difficult, indeed.

I feel the same way about Irish parents .. whose ancestors lived thru the Great Potato Famine. No Irish parent should ever (ever!) send their child to bed hungry .. as punihment for anything .. for any reason. (Did I say 'ever'?)

But before I get too deeply into that .. let me quote the sentence from your article that really gave me a new level of respect for you »

» I take Peterson at his word that he loves his son, but the drawing of blood isn’t an expression of love. Love doesn’t look like that. That looks like an expression of anger and exasperation that morphs into abuse. <unquote blow>

I could not agree more. And we could go in many directions from there. But now is not the time.

Tho I should probably mention that .. I find it surprising that we have a photo of the whipped boy's wounds.

I have been accused of the most heinous forms of child abuse you can imagine .. not worth getting into here .. except to say that ..

.. when I went to court one time .. on the advice of a friend who had experience in the legal profession .. who suggested that I review the legal file on record ..

.. to make sure there wasnt "anything in there that shouldnt be in there, that you don't know that is in there .. that was filed without your knowledge" ..

.. when I went to the court, they told me (something like) » "You can't see the file. This is a file that deals with a minor child and only a lawyer can request to review it."

By then, the lawyers had taken all my money and I could no longer afford an attorney. We are talking about spending years in court. Years. So I went away rather confused.

I remember saying to the lady behind the plexiglass window » "This is a file about ME. It has my name all over it. It makes accusations about ME. And I can't see it?"

One time in court, the judge was looking for a certain document. To be honest, I forget the exact document that he was looking for, but it doesnt really matter.

After a minute or two of quietly leafing thru the pages there in a packed courtroom, he says » "Here it is. I found it over here in part-B of your file," and he looked up over his glasses with a look that seemed to say » "This is a big fucking file." We're talking fork-lifts and hernias.

In other words, the file was SO BIG that they had to start part-B. I didnt say anything, of course, but thought » "Don't look at me, dawg. I'm not the one who made that file so big."

After a few years of this shit, I stopped responding to these accusations. I would just show up in court and let the investigators testify.

Until they started to give me shit about not responding. At which point, I thought » "You really want me to respond to this shit? I can respond. Sure. Stand the fuck by."

It was was that point I responded with a few 20-+ page documents .. that captured my disgust with the whole fucking sy$tem.

My point is » I was surprised to see photos of the 4-year old boy that claimed to be those of the scars and welts on the boy who was whipped by his father. (And so many of them, too. So many whip marks. So sad.) ]]

I gotta say, tho .. I almost can't belive that O'Reilly said » "Nothing changes until the culture changes" as tho that were a sort of freudian slip on your part. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way.

But just so we are all on the same page .. let us first define our terms. The word » privilege .. is defined as » "A special advantage, immunity, permission, right, or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual, class, or caste"

Definition #2 » "Such an advantage, immunity, or right held as a prerogative of status or rank, and exercised to the exclusion or detriment of others"

[ notice in particular the phrase » "detriment of others". This will come into play later, I am sure.

But before I get too deeply into my craft .. regarding your rant on white privilege .. you should say (something like) » "I did not say that as clearly as probably I should have. Perhaps I misspoke."

Wikipedia also has a page that discusses the concept of » privilege .. as it pertains to social inequality. You probably ought to familiarize yourself, Bill, with the concepts that are found there.

Because whites arent the only ones to whom this terms applies. You can apply the concept across the globe. And across generations. Centuries. Millennia. You know .. you're the history guy, right?

That would make you seem like a big man. Cuz everybody can see why you said what youn did. It's no big secret.

[ I am going to lift out this love letter to Bill and send it to its own entry. It is too rough right now to send to the top. These are things that need to said correctly. Stated precisely. ]

[ break ]

Back to flirting with Lauren .. which is what I'd rather be doing. Speaking of ending up places you never dreamed of ...

Heidi Sighted on » Guardian's Lunar Landscape

By the way .. next time you see Heidi .. tell her that I very much enjoyed the interview she did with Aaron on the 22nd of August.

Before her interview, I had sometimes felt like I was wandering naked on a lunar landscape .. but then (during her interview) it was as if I looked over and said » "Hey, look! There's Heidi Moore. She kicks ass."

I enjoyed her interview so much .. that I actually felt better (physically) afterwards .. for a few days.

Speaking of Heidi and the Guardian and feeling good, have you seen this? .. about the Ultimate Stimulus?

<end update august 25 deresiewicz excellent sheep interview>

<update sept 8, 2014 - check this out .. David Brooks talks about Deresiewicz here » Becoming a Real Person. End spet 8 update>

» Scientific Flirting

Here is a very good video about 'Scientific Flirting.' (only two mins) [ is that Henry's web site? ] I like how they say that » humanity depends on flirting. (I could not agree more.)

Is it just me? .. or have you noticed a lot of articles popping up on the web about flirting?

Speaking of Henry's site .. check this out » Edsall quotes from him. Edsall! You have arrived when Edsall pulls quotes from something you've written. Edsall brings the thunder. Legendary thunder.

MakerBot 3D Printing

One more thing .. I couldnt help but notice that you started off with Mr. MakerBot, Bre Pettis, saying .. well, you know what he said.

And then after his rather astounding 15-seconds worth of statements .. THEN you segway to the Yahoo intro jingle. That was cool. Definitely grabs your attention.

And this guy, Bre, he says (paraphase) » "We wanted one of these 3D printers so badly .. but they cost a fortune .. so we said, 'Fuck it .. let's MAKE one, ourselves. And we were kinda surprised when it actually worked'."

[ Oh, I see you did the same here .. for your weekly roundtable. Nice. ]

But beyond a nod to the technical expertise required to do something like that .. the notion that you can now PRINT OUT a "thing" .. a physical object ..

.. just like you have long been able to print out a document, a page of text or a photo .. without having to first start your own factory .. without even having to get funded ..

.. that idea comes with a wonderful amount of head-torque'ing next-generation coolness.

I mean, I can almost hear Tolstoy saying » "You twenty-first century kids get all the cool toys. It's so not fair."

It must have been a good interview because I find myself thinking about it the next day. (Today is Saturday afternoon.)

So you begin off with a stylistic charge .. something different. My ego says you are copying me here, too .. like with my victory lap. Aaron used it with Henry talking about what Krugman said about Bernanke. But Krugman didnt say that Bernanke actually saved Capitalism itself ..

like Bernanke is claiming .. by saying "including the Great Depression" .. because that is the claim people make about Keynes .. that he saved Capitalism Itself.

If you are immitating .. then you know what they say about flattery [ » it will get you everywhere ]

Oh, here is a follow-up with Bre of MakerBot. Perhaps I should mention that like the way you say little things like "Yeah," during the interview.

This shows that you are following along with the person you are interviewing .. and I, as a viewer, are able to piggie-bick, so to speak, on your attention.

Some people are just better listeners than others. I work at it. The Dog is the best listener ever.When you talk to the Dog, you KNOW that he hears you and that he understands you, and that he gets what you are saying.

It's not as easy as you and the Dog make it look. This is why it stands out to me.

And it seems like you just have so much hair going on in that video. Maybe you are just wearing it differently. Makes me want to grab a handful. Lots of hair = lots of estrogen = girly-girl. And what guy is not attracted to a girly-girl?

And I just cant get over what Blyth said. That was a biggie. I am still digesting the possibilities.

Oh, look .. we have a follow-up by John Grgurich at the The Fiscal Times (.. not to be confused with the UK-based Financial Times). Somebody pinch me.

I am totally feeling you. And yes, it is a good feeling .. let me tell you.

My biggest concern, perhaps, is that I might inadventently offend. You know. The cross-cultural misunderstandings that are common across our country. Too common.

So let me know if I was a bad boy .. and I will attempt to make restitution .. however you deem appropriate.

But I want to let you know .. that I may be going away. For a while. But first I need to write about that guy who locked his 22-month old son in the hot car in Georgia on June 18th .. while he was sending pictures of his penis to girls who were not his wife .. while his adorable son literally baked to death. What the fuck?

Some Married Chick-fil-A-Type Church-People are » Monsters Who Lack Even the Most Rudimentary Amounts of Empathy and Compassion

That is so disturbing. And I feel like I have insight there. In areas that might not be readily apparent.

Cooper Harris | 1 Year Old | Baked to DeathThat kid was so cute. Downright adorable. That story has been bothering me since I first heard of it.

I mean, with Newtown, you can write off the tragedy as that of an obviously wacko kid, who had psychological problems his whole life.

In a way, I find this thing with Cooper MORE inescapable .. that I do the Newtown tragedy.

Because Ross Harris was not crazy. Nor, sir. Rather » he did his homework.

The very idea of such a thing shocks the conscience .. at a time when I didnt think my conscience could be shocked.

But don't you feel as tho somebody who could even entertain such a thought ..

.. don't you feel that such a person .. must lack even the most rudimentary aspects of empathy and compassion?

Don't you feel that way?

Did you know that this guy was a big church person? And that he played guitar in/at his church. He was raised in the Church of Christ in Tuscaloosa (Alabama)?

Anyway, now is not the time.

But you can't deny that there are often people (too often, some might say) who attend church regularly all their live ..

.. but who are not really very nice people once you get beyond their veneer. Have you noticed this?

I have. And it bothers me. It makes you not want to identify your faith .. because people identify you with people like Ross Harris. ..

.. who can be so heartless that it defies comprehension. I bet he did not use the word 'fuck' .. but he was willing to do things that users of that word would never think of doing. See my point?

I mean, I know people who are rough around the edges, sure .. but even they would never even THINK of doing something like that.

Chick-fil-A logo signLike Mr Chick-fil-A gay-hater here.

Look at the contrast in values revealed here.

It's really a revealing statement that he is making.

Which is why I'm fixin to break out my hot, studio lights. We are going to look at what this might say about the values of those who claim to be church people.

And yes, I know some church people who are so loving and kind and thoughtful and considerate .. that they are downright awe-inspiring.

In the end, I guess whether a particular person is a good person does not depend on whether or not they go to church .. this seems safe to say.

Rather it seems to be an INDIVIDUAL thing. Far as I can tell.

Cooper Harris | 1 Year Old | Baked to DeathCooper. The little boy's name was » Cooper. (Cool name.) Notice that his "last meal" was at Chick-fil-A.

When I read that the little boy had scratches on his face from trying to get out of the car-seat ..

.. and from being so fucked up by literally cooking to death ..

.. where he was strapped in tightly .. that fucked me up. And not in a good way.

The boy was awake when has dad left the car for work, right? Seeing that they had just had brecky together at Chick-fil-A.

Dont you feel that there must (by definition) be something physchologically wrong (defective) with anybody who could do something like this?

Update Sept 8, 2014 » Dude, the DAY AFTER I mention Chick-fil-A, the Chick-fil-A guys dies. Wow. Trippy timimg, no?

My beef is not with Chick-fil-A. The Chick-fil-A guy did not lock his 22-month old son in a hot car in June in Atlanta. I did not even know who the Chick-fil-A guy was.

He was 93. That is a looong life. Good for him. Tho I admit that I know nothing about the man.

The the timing is eerie, no? What could it mean? What could it possibly mean?

Rather my focus is going to be on the dad [ Ross Harris ] of the 22-month old boy .. and how some people who claim to be a christian and who attend church regularly ..

.. can be the most heartless fucks you can ever imagine. I am going there in a big way.

They say that everybody comes to that one, singular moment .. for which they were born. That they train and work toward their whole life. Here is mine.

I can tell you already .. that you have never seen anything like this. You might wanna look around for something sturdy to grab hold of. The thunder cometh.

But while the thunder is coming, I wish people with expertise in this area could look into this more closely .. to try to determine how someone like ths could DO something like this.

University Church of Christ TuscaloosaAlso, is there something lacking in the church where Ross Harris was raised?

.. where Ross "spent a lot of time" while growing up.

Is there something lacking in their teaching? Or in their moral compass?

.. and also in the church where he was playing the guitar during the time when this most unfortunate event occurred.

It would seem to me that they do not place much value on the preciousness that children represent .. the helpless and completely vulnerable preciousness.

Beyond the specifics of the religion and beyond even the doctrine that is taught at these churches .. these churches where Ross Harris reportedly spent so much time .. what DOES IT SAY about » the culture .. at these churches?

What does it say that such a person .. who freely admites that he has no conscience .. that such a person seems normal at these churches?

Do they feel as tho his membership and very presence at their churches .. somehow contaminates their reputation?

I mean, none of these churches are going to hang out an advertising banner out front that says » "The Church Where Ross Harris Spent Many Years"

Perhaps this is the uestion nagging me » How can someone do something like this .. who has even the most distant concept of God in their life?

Yet the word from those who he went to church with .. was that he » spent much time there.

Does something there not speak to you? .. in a res ipsa loquitur sort of way? Where the thing speaks for itself. Or where you LET the thing speak for itself.

If so, what is it saying to you?

Temperature here in San Diego county at 102 degrees .. as reported by Google query for my cityToday here in Southern California it is very hot outside. The air-conditioner is struggling to keep us cool inside.

But sometimes you have to go out .. and it is just miserable.

And I thought of Cooper .. when the severity of the ultra-oppressive heat hit me. I was not trying to think of him, no.

I am not going to share with you the thoughts that came to my mind, no. But if you stick your head inside an oven .. you should be able to use your imagination and get a decent idea of the thoughts that came to my mind.

How hot do investigators reckon that it got inside the car where Cooper was? I want to know.

I am going to give voice to this little boy's cries .. to his cries for his daddy. Maybe even for his mommy. But definitely for his daddy.

The cries that no one heard. But I am not ready for that. Not yet. But I can feel it coming.

Regarding the dad, who spent so much time at church .. does it not seem that this man (age 33) must have constructed two (at least) mutually exclusive personalities ..

.. in order live in these two mutually exclusive worlds? One is your traditional church world and the other is the one where he (as a married man) is sending photos of his erect penis to minors, asking them to return the favor by sendng him photos of their breasts .. while his son is out in the car .. literally baking to death.

I mean, I can't understand how a man could operate in these seemingly mutually exclusive worlds without constructing two mutually exclusive personalities.

How a person is able to get to such a place .. that interests me. I wish some folks with psychological insight would try to outline the process. As a cautionary tale.

Ross Harris .. I must say .. it's people like you who give Christianity a bad name.

Is the whole church thing just a facade? A pleasant-looking facade? Do you have any kind of real relationship with the Lord? I don't see how you possibly could.

I mean, even shady people who I know .. those who live near the edge of polite society .. I don't think they could do something like this. Even if you offered to pay them large amounts of cash.

There are people, I should add, who feel you are no anomaly. They feel, rather, that you are merely too stupid to hide your evil schemes.

And this is why they want nothing to do with Christians like you. Which is sad. Sad for them. Sad for a lot of reasons.

How's that insurance money holding out?

Stinks to High Heaven

If I were the prosecutor .. I would put people on the stand that were present there at the scene when Cooper was taken out of the car .. and ask them how bad the smell was in that car.

For example, here is a direct quote taken from Cobb County Chief Magistrate Frank Cox (4th paragraph),

“For him [Harris] to enter the car … when the child had been dead and rigor mortis had set in, and the testimony is the STENCH in the car was OVERWHELMNG at that point in time, that he — in spite of that — got in the car and drove it for some distance before he took any action to check on the welfare of his child, I find there is probable cause for the two charges contained in the warrant.”

"Probable?" you say, Frank? That's putting it mildly.

Have you ever heard the colloquialism » "Stinks to high heaven" ? This case makes me think of that phrase .. for more-than-one reason.

Field Trip to » Local Atlanta Health Club Sauna for Ross's Jury

Then I would put the entire jury in a small fleet of cars of the exact same make as that which Copper was left to bake to death in on that day ..

.. only a few days from the summer solstice .. where we find the most sunshine of the entire year. Mere coincidence?

Then I would drive the entire jury over to the a local health club .. where I would arrange with the manager to have a designated sauna ..

.. to be set for *exactly* the same temperature that experts calulate was in that car where Cooper was left to bake.

I would put a doll in a car seat in that sauna .. with a digital temperature read-out placed directly above the car seat .. so that they HAVE TO look at the baby strapped into that car seat .. in order to see the temperature.

And as members of the jury entered the sauna, I would be standing there at the door .. handing to them a sheet with a collage of photos of Cooper .. to take into the sauna with them. "Fuckin' eh right, I would."

When the defense objects, I would argue that the jury would hardly be able to render an informed decision .. without having an acurate concept of the heat that killed Cooper in that car on that day. On that unfortunate day.

I mean, it's not like we're asking them to remain in the sauna until they bake to death .. like Cooper did that day.

The implications of this case are so mind-boggling .. that a few minutes of discomfort will be the least of the unpleasantries that they will be subjected to.

Of course you will have a doctor and a EMTs and an ambulance standing by. Tho Cooper had no such things standing by .. to come to his aide. No, sir. Rather, he only had his daddy.

Isnt there a story at Rikers Island where a Marine Veteran was left baked to death in a jail cell? Oh yes » here it is. He was 56 years old.

[ I thought the Marines take care of their own. You expect them to risk their lives for you? And then you leave them to bake to death in a jail cell on Rikers Island? ]

Hopefully you prosecutors in Georgia can do a better job for Copoer than what Tony did for Kelly in Orange county .. or than what Lanny did with the bankers on Wall Street.

I guess what I'm saying is .. the bar has not been set very high. Ankle level.

Does it not seem strange to you .. that Ross's wife is sticking by her man .. even after he sent nude photos of his erect penis to minor girls??

Does such a response seem normal to you? That would seem like to deal-breaker to me. She must be one devoted wife.

Transition Back to » MakerBot

But there are other things about the MakerBot interview .. that I want to mention .. such as » I would have asked him what (exactly) he wanted to open with the bottle opener?

It's kinda funny, I think, because that Georgia dad worked for Home Depot. Coincidence?

But if something happens in my next venture .. and I dont make it back .. then it was nice working with you. Uh, I mean » flirting with you. Say 'hey' for me to Aaron & Henry for me, and even Mackie. And Bill.

But even if I get SO FAR OUT THERE that I can't find my way back .. I'm sure I will run into you again .. at the next rodeo.

This is actually something of a contractor mentality. Where the next rodeo is your next nuclear plant.

But if you dont hear from me for a while .. I want you to know that .. I can feel myself analyzing you .. by virtue of what I see and hear. You know.

On it own. Feeling you out. Trying toget to know you better .. to understand you more. Without crossing any ethical lines. Any lines that YOU feel might be offensive.

[ What others think, we could care less. They are not responsible for our lives, for our happiness. They do not define our values. So, as long as you feel honored and respected .. then we are cool. Ma, oh man, could I ever get to meddling here. Perhaps some other time. ]

So .. if you dont hear from me .. you can bet I'll be thinking about you. "Oh, look! A shooting star! Do you think it means anything? How can it not? .. with the second blood moon of the tetrad coming next month."

I am very experimental here .. I am going to stand outside your bedroom window and hold up a large boom box. Can you hear it?

One time the Bug called me (a few years ago) and said » "Dad, can you help me make a flying suit?"

I never said anything, of course, but felt that he want a flying suit to fly over and come see me .. back when I only lived 10 minutes away.

I know it is still a ways off .. but MakerBot only brings him that much closer. (To his goal.)

Ooh .. I am feeling very intimate right now .. intimacy brings vulnerability. If you are intimate, then (by definition) you are vulnerable, no?

That kinda suks, don't it?

But supposedly, the ability to allow yourself to become intimate .. with another human being .. vulnerable ..

.. supposedly that is a sign, a signal, an indication .. that you are a whole, a complete, an emotionally vigorous person.

Too bad it didnt have to mean that you keep getting your ass kicked.

Speaking of intimacy .. don't you feel like we would make beautiful babies? I mean, genetically speaking. And here I happen to have some experience. You know what Einstein says about experience, right?

But perhaps I should tell you this one thing before I set off on my lunar landscape expedition ..

.. is that » I think Dostoevsky knew that he was bullshitting his readers .. when he wrote in the beginning-intro to the Brothers Karamazov ..

.. where he wrote (January 1879) »

» The trouble is that while I have just one biography, I have two novels. The main novel is the second one—about the activities of my hero in our time, that is, in our present, current moment As for the first novel, it already took place thirteen years ago and is even almost not a novel at all but just one moment from my hero's early youth. It is impossible to do without this first novel, or much in the second will be incomprehensible. Thus my original difficulty becomes even more complicated ... and now we get down to business .. so stand the fuck by.

<end passage Brothers Karamazov "From the Author" introductory note> Two pages worth. Except that Dostoevsky didnt write » "so stand the fuck by". But that is definitely what he meant. Trust me.

Now, why do I suspect this? you ask? Why do I suspect that Dostoevsky knew deep down inside that his second follow-up, the MAIN novel, wasnt coming? "I'll tell you later."

But even if he knew that he wouldnt be able to deliver on this claim, this doesnt mean that he COULDNT have accomplished the feat .. had he lived.

No one doubts that. Yet the effect of his boast about a second novel DOES set the imagination into action .. wondering what such a follow-up (main) novel might look like.

And to do that .. you would probably have to read the first one first. No?

This is definitrely stretching me. I am kinda surprised that I am here.

<end flirting with lauren. i really mean it this time. have you noticed how my writing-to-editing ratio has skyrocketed lately? more writing, less editing.>

PIMCO's new CIO » Who is Dan Ivascyn?

Okay, this is not really flirting .. but your new piece on » PIMCO's new CIO: Who is Dan Ivascyn? That was cool.

While everybody else is still talking about Bill, saying » "Holy shit! Bill Gross left PIMCO!," you have a piece with the guy who replaced him.

That's gotta feel good. Like you were in the right place at the perfect time .. ahead of the curve. Ahead of the earthquake. I don't see how you could have possibly planned it that way. Rather fortuitous.

The camera pans down the front of the beautiful, white building .. until you see the name » Pimco on the front.

And you are interviewing the man in his OWN DOMAIN. The effect is so cool that it actually reverberates. And no, that is not flirtling. Because I'm serious.

He's very smart. He can actually articulate the complexity that they use to run the organzation surprisingly well.

And also your piece with Martine. Many thoughts. Not now, tho. Seems like she was hitting on some of the very things I've been addresing with you.

Even Mackie's interviews with Thiel .. very good. Mackie has come into his own lately, no? Like he's now Mackie 2.0.

Thiel .. very smart. Scary smart. Visionary. He sees over the hills. I like him. I have read other things about him before .. but never saw him interviewed like that.

Mackie came }{ close to pulling off a great joke "You've probably started 3 companies just since I started talking ..." but he flubbed at. You guys don't do retakes?

But I really want to check in in order to tell you .. that I went for another walk Friday .. after Martine's interviews.

And I was thinking as I was walking .. like I often do after a tough week. I was thinking about a million things. Most of them good.

Toward the end of my walk, I was thinking about you .. you know. Because it is a new kind of relationship.

And I remember how I wrote to you saying .. about seeing all the stars, and the seeing the shooting star that seemed to point in your direction ..

.. when I must have stepped on a freaking rattle snake. That sucker ( I wrongly thought it was a palm frond ) ..

.. that little fella spun up and gave me a very excited rattle .. let me tell you. I was wearing shorts and sneaks.

It was about 7/8th dark. Not totally dark yet, but pretty close. At night, I usually bring a flashlight / headlamp along with me. But since I left while it was well still daylight .. I had no light.

I was right about where I stood to take this picture.

He did not bite me, no. But the experience definitely got my adrenaline going .. let me tell you.

Do you think it means anything? The rattle from a rattler generally means 'danger', no?

You do not seem very dangerous to me .. but hey, I have been wrong before. I have the scars to prove it.

Would you say that all intimate relationships contain an element of danger? (Because intimacy brings vulnerability.)

You obviously have a way with people. The Dog has a way with people. I like to be around people who have a way with people. I mean, who doesnt?

Anyway .. right when I was totally feeling you .. on my walk .. rattle snake. "Easy now, little guy."

They sometimes keep warm on the hot road after sunset .. if not too many cars come by.

Autumn arrived that night. It was still summery warm during the day .. but you could feel autumn arrive wath the sunset.

So we seem to have a little thing going .. where I help you .. and you help me. Arent those one of the BEST types of relationships?

I see that you appreciated my thoughts on stress relief. I am still waiting to hear from Jill that you and Geeky Aaron have applied for Hottties vs Nerds.

Who is that new girl who Aaron brought on for the Alibaba IPO? She is very polished. Professional. Ready for prime time. Smooth.

Nothing like hitting the ground running.

She seemed to fluster slighty when it seemed like Mackie accused her of mixing metaphors. "Did I mix my metaphors? How embarrassing." Or maybe I was just reading it differently. "What are you talking about, Mackie?"

Uh, looks like I got a little carried away there. I apologize. Speaking of thought-provoking shit that contains ideas which have lingered on ..

.. is (unrelatedly) this article by David Brooks » Stairway to Wisdom (.. maybe a little nod to Led Zepplin) .. because it seems to confirm one of my favorite quotes from Einstein » The only source of knowledge is experience.

No, that is not what Brooks is saying, but he is heading in that general direction.

Does not Einstein seem to be saying? » the man who has had the most experiences has the most knowledge?

Certainly you can read about what it is like to go to jail, but I can confirm that .. until they put on the shiny bracelets and take you away .. you don't really know what it's like to be incarcerated. (And maybe that is my point. Feel me?)

I used to not like David Brooks. He used to irritate me. But now he is one of my favorites. Not all his stuff, no. But he gets you thinking very nicely sometimes. (Such as » this one, for example. Yes. Totally. That's it.) Like it speaks to me in a way that challenges me. Or somehow causes me to grow.

My favorite Brooks article is » Archipelago of Pain. I gave him a big promotion for that.

Sometimes I make little comments like this to keep an article I like from getting lost. (Sorta like the way I feel about this piece by Krugman.) Later I may return and see/find a clever way to characterize Einstein's quote/idea. Or even play off Brooks himself.

Iron sharpens iron.

But let's return to accounting. My #1 least-favorite class ever. LIFO, FIFO. Go FIFO yourself. (First In First Out.)

Medici » Renaissance Bankers (Accountants)

And then maybe I will even tie it all in with the Medici bankers of the Renaissance (.. who knew a little something about how to maintain accurate accounting). God's bankers.

But here's my point ala Bethany » if you have a construct (any construct) that appears to be working only for a very few (.. maybe 400 people, total, according to some recent accounting audits) ..

.. at the expense of everyone else ..

.. then maybe you can see how the system that creates this accounting construct is » at risk. I mean, is this not intuitively obvious? To even the most casual of observers?

Accounting is a Necessary Skill, tho Not Much Fun

I should probably mention that my accounting class (at F&M) was my least favorite .. of any college class. I only took it (as an elective) because the course description said (something like) » if you are going to do even the most basic shit with a business, you need to know the fundamentals of good accounting.

So I took it cuz I thought I needed those skills .. and not because I found those skills necessarily interesting.

But I have been looking at our economic mess (historic inequality) and I can see that the people need to know wtf. At least, at a fundamental level. And that is where you find accounting.

This guy who taught my accounting class was not staff at F&M (.. whose professors truly enchanted me). Rather he was an actual, working accountant .. for many years.

And he live right next to me. In the very next building (condos). When he showed up at the front of the classroom, I said, "Hey .. I know that guy." We drank beers together after class once. So I was surprised when he capped my 89 at a B.

Colleges do A or B. Not A- or B+ like in grade school.

And since I saw his ass regularly (out there in the common parking lot, where he parked his silver Taurus, the ideal car for an accountant), I didnt want him to think I was a dumb shit .. so I actually learned my accounting rather well.

I was taking three other classes at that time and they were all vastly more interesting than accounting. So I had to really discipline myself there. This was in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Very nice city. Nice people. Fun.

Do they still have the farmers market that opens every Tuesday and Friday from 6 AM to 2 PM .. in that big red-brick building downtown? .. supposedly left to the people of the city by Thomas Jefferson himself. A super-prime piece of real estate that sits right in the heart of the city. It must be worth a fortune now.

Does that guy still blow the strong aroma of horseradish in your face with the fan .. on your way to the coffee stand? I loved that place. Great sense of community.

I would always arrive early .. 6:45 or 7 o'clock. Before the crowds began arriving. And while the merchants were still setting up their stands, their booths, their tables. I was always a sucker for the baklava. Yummy with a cup of coffee early in the morning. By the time I left, it would be crowded. The noise volume at a low roar.

During this semester at F&M, I took 4 classes. I had taken a lay-off from work. I had originally gone to Pennsylvania for a "four-to-six-week job" .. and ended up staying for five years. So I was able to collect UC, too. And use my GI Bill benefits. The old GI Bill. The good one. I was one of the last.

I would get home after 10 PM on Monday thru Thurs nights .. and sometimes pour myself a Tanqueray-n-tonic. And take a sip of the pine-needles concoction and think » "Ah, this is living." [ Remind me to tell you the story about the time the Bug said the very same thing to me. ]

I had been working 12-hour days forever-and-a-half. (You dont even know who you are after a while.)

Franklin & Marshall campus | Lancaster, PennsylvaniaThe F&M campus is very nice. I remember walking thru it ..

.. loving every minute of it.

The Dog told me that it is ranked one of the top-20 liberal arts colleges in the country. Sure, I could believe that.

"A hot-bed of liberalism in a decidedly conservative community."

Here in California, I might compare it to Chapman.

I am sure that I was enjoying myself far more intensely than any other student there.

Fall semester. So the leaves were changing. Plenty of trees on that campus. Some enormous.

Beautiful. Thank-God-beautiful.

I was driving a white 911 Targa back in those days. So my drives over to the campus were suh-weet. Warm enough to put the top down.

And I know I am a smart fucker who has seen some shit .. so yes, I am looking to compare ideas with intellectually inclined people. Very much so.

Anyway, I had to go back to work after that. That's when I went up to New York. Which let me be within a 75-minute drive to Nana's (.. where I grew up in Connecticut).

An Entire Semester Distilled into 10 Seconds

Anyway .. here is the dealy-O with accounting. The heart of it. The gist. I am going to break it down for you. One semester into 10 seconds. Ready? On your marks ..

Here we go! » you have two piles of shit. And these two piles must match » exactly. (To the kernel of corn.) Or your life becomes a miserable living hell .. looking for why and where (why & where these kernels of corn might be hiding).

Hit the stopwatch. How many seconds does it say?

Of course, if the people with the shit are trying to hide some of it .. then that only makes your job all the more difficult. (Shoot me now and put me out of my misery says the corporate accountant.)

Perhaps what I am trying to say is » I feel qualified to talk about » accounting.

My mom did the books for a guy who owned a local car wash, who gave me a job when I young. Wiping off wet cars and spritzing their white walls with that caustic shit that eats the rubber off of your sneakers.

Remind me to tell you the story about the two other kids that worked there with me. Two older dudes (17). After I got to know them, they were very funny. Kept me laughing. Educated me in ways I knew not. (The popcorn trick.)

Ah, but that's another story.

Accounting is all about » rules. These generally accepted rules of what constitutes good accounting practices. But that is where accounting starts to get ugly. So we wont go there.

But I should probably just note that .. if you are a government, then these rules do not apply to you. No, sir. Rather » you make it up as you go. Sounds like lots of fun, no?

But the main thing that you need to remember about accounting is » the two piles must match.

Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Liberty

Speaking of two piles .. notice that here in the States, for example, we see that about 400 people have an enormous pile (of shit) .. while the rest of us have a few kernels. "How can that be?" you say? Ah, now you're thinking.

Never forget » eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.

More School Horror in Connecticut (Milford)

Perhaps I should say something about the student stabbing in Connecticut last Friday.

Speaking of Milford .. remind me to tell you the Tunie story of her going to Milford. I probably can't write that. But it's good. It ties in with the garage slam. "Know thyself," said Socrates. Tunie is like my sister.

Milford represents some of the happiest times of my life. Milford sits on the Sound. Long Island sound. So it feels like you are at the beach. Cuz you are. But the waves are not very big.

My grandfather used to take my cousin and I there a lot. More than anyone. It was a 30-minute ride, if you took the back roads. It was a very cool drive to the beach. Scenic Connecticut back roads. Gramps knew where all the best hot-dog stands were hiding, too.

When I was really small, my mom would take me there to feed the ducks (our old, stale bread). That shit was probably close as I ever came to experiencing Nirvana.

You would feel the temperature drop as you came near. And then the smell of the salty air. Gramps would take us fishing. We actually caught shit. Usually flat fish. But they fought hard.

So, to me, the idea of something like that happening there in Milford makes no sense. Maybe it has changed.

I knew people who knew people .. who had a place at the shore. In Connecticut, the summer does not last very long .. at least, not like it does here in California. So you wanna make sure that you take advantage of it.

The Dog once took me out to a place of a friend of his .. out in the Hamptons. Very nice. Easy to get used to. Life at the shore seems so fresh. Relaxed. Social.

Lance once took me to a place at the shore in Connecticut .. a classmate of his whose dad was wealthy. This place was sitting in a sand dune. Amid clumps of that cool tall grass that grows at the beach.

Light-colored hardwood floors. Multi-level. Windows and more windows. Fresh salty breeze. Whatever cocktail you might like to go along with college football. Six or eight college students just hanging out on the weekend and relaxing at a beautiful place. A nice lifestyle.

This is where I learned about » "Hash Under the Glass". But that's another story. Very cool glass, tho.


» Radiation tri-blade » I hesitate to use the term "solitary" to describe the time I spent in jail .. because I did such a short span. (Four days. Friday to Tuesday.) In other words, I dont want to insult the man who has done decades. (Yes, decades.)

Man sitting in a barred jail cell aloneSolitary Confinement

But if you go back and read my old Incarceration entry, you will see that I left myself a spot ..

.. to fill in my thoughts and observations under that very heading ..

.. because I could see that it was a topic of much consequence. For many people. Powerless people.

I sense that today would be a good day to discuss this topic in greater detail. And I have a few nice spins that my fingers are itching to twist.

And also because you might consider life aboard a nuclear submarine anything but private. Anything but solitary. With 150 dudes .. up close & personal. So that represents the expanse of my experience. My range. Respectable, no?

I would feel comfortable sitting around a campfire in Yosemite or Big Sur, discussing the topic of solitary with pretty much any intelligent person. (Long as it wasnt too cold out.)

So I feel like I can provide nicely nuanced perspectives. Either way, I am stoked about it.

Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not collect $200Cuz even if it suks, the illuminating quality of intelligent dialogue will be therapeutic.

Oh, this is an interesting development.

Yes, I was alone during my most recent visit, but I would call that 'isolated,' not alone. Yet I specifically tried to monitor myself .. to observe how the isolation was affecting me ..

.. to be aware, conscious, whatever term you care to call it when you are checking up to see whether you are freaking out ..

.. especially after what that dude told me about his experience.

"When They Opened the Door, I Exploded Out & Started Crying"

So let me tell you about the dude I met during my first time. To be honest, I forget his name. He had been in before, and he was sorta showing me the ropes, which is nice. Cuz he was good at it.

Tho he snored like a volcano for 20 hours a day. And when my coffee headache came, it was not pretty. Not in that concrete-n-stainless echo chamber. Not hardly.

If a representative from the Guinness Book of Records had been walking by our cell during that time, I am confident that he would have felt compelled to award us some certificate-of-achievement.

He told me how he had previously done six days in solitary and he was so freaked out by the experience that when they finally let him out .. he "exploded" out and started crying. Like it fucked him up.

The portion of today's entry that deals with solitary confinement has been off-loaded to Ye Olde Rad Blog v4 .. see here » Solitary Confinement. (This will help keep my topics better organized.)

» The Vatican Embraces Wealthy Pedophiles (Literally)

Did you see the Frontline special on the Vatican? (Released Feb 25. Two weeks ago.)

Pope John Paul II Gives a Warm Papal Embrace to Marcial MacielOh. My. Gawd. I was raised Catholic and I never knew this stuff.

John Paul II .. not cool, dude. That's him with arms wide .. embracing Marcial Maciel the pedophile. Over and over, again.

Why would the pope embrace a known pedophile? That's exactly the question I had myself. Watch the video, yourself. I dare you. I double-dog dare you.

This gives new meaning to the phrase » the system is about the money. I did not think that the sentiment in my earlier entry could get any uglier. I was wrong.

And all this has an interwoven narrative that involves the new pope. The job .. is to put the child-abuse scandal behind. But old ways are entrenched. It is really a battle of epic proportions.

And the side of good has been getting its ass kicked for one decade after another. And this last pope, the one who quit (.. Benedict, real name » Joseph Ratzinger, a German) something that hadnt happened in 600 years .. it was *his* job the bury that thing.

And he failed.

Pope Francis Does Not Judge GaysThis is why I feel that such a radically different pope was chosen.

The first-ever Jesuit. The first non-European pope in many centuries.

It is as tho the Catholic church is saying, "We're willing to try pretty much anything right now. Cuz we been getting our ass kicked by this child abuse sex scandal for so long."

When I heard what the new pope said about gays .. it made me think about what Peter said here.

The portion of today's entry that deals with the Vatican embracing wealthy pedophiles has been off-loaded to Ye Olde Rad Blog v4 .. see here » The Vatican Embraces Wealthy Pedophiles (Literally)

Sitting on a Red Park Bench on a Rainy DayThe Writer Behind the Writer

Sometimes I write .. and sometimes I am sitting back on the bleachers .. alone, sorta .. reclining back and resting on my elbows .. watching the writer in me write.

And I call out, "Who are you, dude? Who writes like this? Who says things like that? Who are you really?"

But he pays me no mind and remains focused. But he smiles. Because he finds it encouraging.

"I hope you dont think anybody is taking this seriously," I call out, teasingly.

No response. Laser beam focus.

And a few minutes later, I say more quietly » "Dude, you *are* the man. Let's DO this thing .. this righteous thing."

And then I say » "Oh look .. a few people are coming."

Post-apocalyptic WarriorAnd he says, "Cool. They must have got my message. That means it's time."

And I say, "Time for what?"

And he stands up and says, "Time to get this party started."

And these people came bearing special gifts .. that it gave them immense pleasure to use. The most amazing gifts.

And I say, "You're right .. I would never have believed this."

Still on the Trail of » Dostoevsky

Dostoevsky also plays off this notion of a writer behind a writer (.. behind a writer) .. in » Notes From Underground.

Speaking of Dostoevsky .. I have been on his trail for quite some time now .. but I have not yet caught up with him. Like Stanley chasing Livingstone thru the heart of Africa.

Fyodor Dostoevsky (1821-1881)But I have indeed found signs that he has been this way. Yes, sir.

Let me tell you what I've found. More than just broken branches and footprints.

As the one-year anniversary of Newtown approached and especially after the new reports that came out at that time .. I found myself (automatically) reaching for Dostoevsky.

For me, the most meaningful thing about Dostoevsky can be found on the inside flap of the Everyman copy of The Brothers Karamazov .. which begins

"Dostoevsky's towering reputation as one of a handful of thinkers who forged the modern sensibility .. [ and ends like this » ] .. told with hair-raising intellectual clarity and a feeling for the human condition unsurpassed in world literature."

In particular, note where he says » an unsurpassed feeling for the human condition. I would contend here that you cannot write with a feeling for the human condition if you do not HAVE ONE. (And a very good one at that.)

It is beyond the scope of today's entry .. but let me quote for you a short passage from chapter three [ titled » Second Marriage, Second Children ] that (for me) plays into the claim of Dostoevsky's "unsurpassed feel for the human condition."

In this passage Dostoevsky is talking about Ivan, the middle son, the middle brother, and how he was a "boy-of-genius" .. but how his father was a piece-of-shit (my words) who did nothing to support his son's education.

When I read this passage, it validated for me the claim of Dostoevsky's "unsurpassed feel for the human condition," which, until that point, seemed downright outlandish. See here »

» It must be noted that he [ Ivan ] did not even try at that time [ during his first two years at university, when he had no money ] to communicate with his father — perhaps out of pride or contempt for him, perhaps because his cold common sense told him that he would not get even the smallest token of support from his papa.

I could write much on this topic. Very much. But I won't. Only to say that the claim of Dostoevsky's "unsurpassed feel for the human condition" ceased to be hyperbole for me at that point. (With that sentence.)

The fourth paragraph of the [ 16-page ] introduction to this book talks about how one of the more remarkable things about this book is that it speaks fresh to each succeeding generation. .. "like that famous portrait whose eyes seem to follow you around the room."

Yes, I most certainly concur. It feels (somehow) like the book was written JUST TO ME. How can this be? A book written in 1879 and 1880. [ 135 years ago. ]

The novel's introduction [ written by Malcolm V Jones of England, not Pevear the translator ] begins by looking at what makes the Brothers such a classic. He says a lot of shit, of course, but none more awe-inspiring than this »

» "it echoes and develops some of the most ancient paradoxes and preoccupations [ neuroses? ] of humanity .. and foresees intellectual, social and political developments of our time."

What are the most ancient paradoxes and preoccupations of humanity? Whatever they are .. they seem to be calling me. Ancient things are very powerful. They must be .. in order to endure so long. This seems to induce a sense of reverence.

Does the phrase "foresees-developments-of-our-time" not sound a little like » prophecy?

The Brother Karamazov | Written 1879-1880 by Fyodor DostoevskyAnd the book also manages (somehow) to say different things to different people. How can this be?

Well, here is my take. The reason that it speaks fresh to each succeeding generation is because .. each generation must confront some the same challenges. To a certain degree, the song remains the same ..

.. at least until we get it right.

And as to the question about how the same book / story / novel / section can speak different things to different people, I will leave that for you to figure out.

But .. if while you are figuring out this riddle .. may I suggest that .. if you find yourself standing on a red X labeled » lightning-bolt of morality strike here .. step away.

I will send a hoverboard come to pick you up. Do not delay. And then you will also say » "You're right .. I would have never believed this."

Oh look. There is a new movie coming out in May based on one of Dostoevsky's novellas. The Double, starring Jesse Eisenberg, the guy who played Mark Zuckerberg. And Mia.

It was originally published in 1846. That means 168 years later, it still resonates.

As a reader, I find myself looking at different things in Dostoevsky than I do as a writer. And as a writer, the thing I keep coming back to is what Mikhail Bakhtin said.

Where he says that the principal distinguishing feature of Dostoevsky's major novels (.. this sounds to me like » the thing that makes Dostoevsky Dostoevsky) and the Brothers Karamazov in particular ..

.. which Bakhtin says never happened before Dostoevsky .. is that Dostoevsky gives all of his characters their own voice .. whereas all other writers (merely) give their characters a voice that is subbordinate to that of the author himself.

So it seems that Bakhtin is saying that Dostoevsky says to his characters » "Go do your own thing, and let me know when you're done, and I'll turn loose the next character."

I can't help but think that his mock execution had something to do with this. When he was marked for death. Because, if that doesnt fracture your personality, what will?

Along these lines I find interesting what Frank says here.

Brunelleschi Puts the Dome On .. Where Other Have Failed

On the subject of working up to one's ability .. let's look at Brunelleschi. Fillipo Brunelleschi (1377-1446). He's the dude who did what no one could do .. at least not for 140 years. No one.

Brunelleschi's Dome (1436) Sitting On the Florence CathedralHe's the dude who put the dome on the Florence Cathedral (completed in 1436, nearly seven centuries ago) .. and made Florence » the place to be.

One of the greatest engineering feats of all time.

For the artist or craftman who does what no one has been able to do .. that must be the sweetest, juiciest most-nectar feeling.

He lived for another 10 years after he finished the job. So he was able to enjoy the fruit of his labor .. unlike many other artists.

Nearly seven centuries later people are still trying to figure out how he did it. In this video you can hear master craftsmen say, "I've been laying brick for twenty years and I've never seen shit like this."

Botticelli was born (1445) the YEAR BEFORE Brunelleschi died.

Leonardo was born (1452) on the SAME DAY (April 15th) that Brunelleschi died (1446) .. exactly six years later. You've heard of Leonardo, yes?

Michelangelo (1475-1564) - was born 29 years after Brunelleschi died. He was born 39 years after Brunelleschi finished putting the dome on and Florence strutted about the world stage.

Guttenberg (1395-1468) had invented the printing press (movable type) in 1440-ish .. a few years after Brunelleschi finished the dome. The printing press has many parallels with the Internet, and especially with the Web. It is one of the main things (if not THE thing) that brought about the Renaissance (.. Rinascimento in Italian, rebirth).

Get-Out-of-Jail-Free cardMartin Luther posted his Nine-five theses in 1517 and the shit was on. Game the fuck on, dawg.

With the Catholic church, does it not seem like the problem remains the same? In Martin Luther's day, they were selling Get-Out-of-Jail-Free cards, signed by God himself (forgeries) ..

.. upon which Martin called 'bullshit'. And during more recent decades they've been selling other things .. things much worse.

Along the lines of "putting the dome on" .. remind me to tell you how I sometimes feel how I have been able to put on the dome .. where Dostevsky could not (.. who died 135 years ago, coincidentally). Because of censors and society and the culture of the day.

I know this is a ballsy statement. Sometimes the size of my cojones surprises even me. But the artist must push on .. cojones and all.

But I feel as tho I have evidence to back-up my admittedly, seemingly outrageous claim. Seeing that Dostoevsky has been called » "one of a handful of thinkers who have forged the modern sensibility."

What does that even mean? How do you help forge the modern, contemporary sensibility? How muscular does your arm need to be? What tests and trials are involved?

If you read on, those others dudes referenced by his "handful of thinkers" include the likes of » Shakespeare (Hamlet, 1602) and Cervantes (Don Quixote, 1605) and Goethe (Faust, 1808).

Tho I will probably conveniently forget to return and complete my boast .. leaving you wondering what it might have been. Then, when you least expect it, I will throw-down in some future post.

» More Sex With Powerful Women

Talking about sex with powerful women .. I went to see Monuments Men (which I thoroughly enjoyed) .. but we arrived 30 minutes early. So I sat in on some of 300: Rise of an Empire.

Obama with Denmark's Helle Thorning-Schmidt at Mandela's funeral on December 10, 2013, as Michele looks on, oviously not happyI think it was the latter portion .. but which included the scene from the trailer ..

.. where the dude runs and jumps off the cliff .. descending like a falcon in freefall.

You know the scene. The one where you can almost hear him thinking » "Your ass is mine, bitch."

At the turn of the next century, Film buffs will look back on that as one of the greatest cinematic scenes ever to grace a screen. Right up there with » "Say hello to my little friend."

I love shit like that. But I also saw the scene where the Spartan Numero Uno Stud goes for a ride to the Bad Girl's barge. They play. Wow. Tho the woman is left unsatisfied.

In the very next scene, she systematically demonlishes his entire fleet .. nearly single-handedly. Which was about the time I had to go (.. MM was starting).

The scene where the Bad Girl walks away in dreamy slow-motion, and everything behind her on fire .. and you can almost hear her thinking » "I *told* you I would light this bitch up. Didnt I?

As I walked out, I thought » "they got that shit right." [ « Frustrated woman singlehandedly wrecks death and destruction far as the eye can see. ]

I thought that the encounter at the barge was strong .. if not downright surprising. I just want to mention it here because I may have some more thoughts to share on the subject.

Who'd-a ever thunk that such a pretty little girl might enjoy getting thrown around a room.

» Only One Thing Really Matter

Perhaps this might be a good place .. to share some Rad sexual technique. Because once the act of lovimg-making becomes "like brushing you teeth » same ol' thing" ..

.. when love-making becomes like thit .. why bother?

Every time should be better than the time before. Every galaxy you take her to and that she takes you to .. should be further or cooler than the ones you visited together before with her.

An I an anomoly? I hope not. For your girls and especilly for you women .. I hope not.

As a man, you must conserve your energy .. your sexual energy. You feel me. And these hotties, these women .. they will try to suck it all out of you. These sexuilly eager women. You know.

Especially if they are in outstanding shape, physically.

Anyway .. I would just let them have with both barrels. Leave them with their eyes rolling around in their heads .. and then walk away .. so you can live to play another day.

But sometimes, they do not like that. Almost as if they somehow feed off of you .. as tho your release is their release. I do not fully understand what dynamics are at play, no.

But this is my observation .. that » if you can ring her bell on a regular basis .. with an increasingly resonant ring .. she really does not give a shit about much more. You may be an axe-murderer .. "Oh, that sounds nice. Is it very sharp?"

But if you can't .. for whatever reason .. you might very well be able to walk on water .. and she could give flying happy fuck.

Almost as tho they are saying to you » "There is only one thing that really mattter. And if you listen closely, I will tell you what you need to do in order to ring that bell. So pay-the-fuck attention. Cuz I might tell you twice .. but if I have to tell you three times, you're done."

TexasSnowden Does SXSW » Live From Moscow

You didnt think I was going to omit mentioning Snowden at SXSW, did you? I am so happy that I going to tell you stories I ordinarily would not. Relevant stories .. perhaps.

When I heard that .. I thought » "It's a new world, dawg. Can you believe that shit?"

I did not even know such a thing was possible. I thought somebody would trace the connection and go shoot him. Or poison him, you know.

Okay, you went thru seven proxies (proxy servers). To be honest, I did not even know that you could go thru more than one proxy. That is so cool. Wow.

My afterthought from his talk left me feeling like the government tried to fuck up the internet ..

.. and we said, "No, no. Don't touch. Or we will be all up in your shit. Would you care for a free, complimentary sample demonstration? We got this digital twenty-first century shit going on, dawg. Connectivity and friends. Don't you have anywhere better to bring your world-famous dysfunction?"

Oh, dude. I just saw this » TED. Is that for real? The video was posted two days after SXSW ended. "From an undisclosed location .. somewhere in Russia."

I am going to tell you about my connection to Texas. It is based on the time I spent (4 years) stationed aboard a nuclear powered ballistic missile submarine (.. which you probably shaved with this morning).

There are TWO CREWS for an operating FBM (Fleet Ballistic Missile) submarine. And the people who STAFF these 150-man crews .. I do not know anything about them, no.

But I *do* know a thing or two about » staffing. And basically, of course, after competence, you want people who can work together.

And my crew, the GOLD crew (of course) .. especially in the tightly-knit engineering spaces .. consisted very much of New England boys .. New York (especially Long Island) and Jersey (like the Dog) and Massachusetts. Being from Connecticut .. I got these guys. I understood where they were coming from.

Yes, they were all impressively smart and capable, but on a social level, I got them.

Then Washington cuts a deal with Moscow to limit nuclear weapons (sounds like a good thing, no?) .. and we have to take off our missiles .. and in the process the two crews become one (.. called 'crew consolidation')

And they ask you,"Dude, do you want to stay here or do you want to go to another boomer?"

And I say, "Fuck, I only have another two years. I guess I'll just stay. This way I wont have to requalify at a new boat. I already know this one."

But the other crew is all southern boys. And many from Texas. All of them saying » "When I get out I'm using my GI-Bill and I'm going to the University of Texas at Austin. That is the best school in Texas."

And I am going to tell you about this big black guy .. who I became close with .. we shared the same watch-section (6 on, 12 off, repeat. For months.)

Southern blacks are different from northern blacks .. at least that is my experience. Just as southern whites can be different from northern whites. I am not going to get far into this, but it definitely helps set context and tone.

So I am basically one of the few Gold crew members who came over to their ship. That's kinda the way it worked out. Which gave me the advantage of seeing how BOTH crews ran things. Whereas they never got the chance to see how the Gold crew ran things.

If I had an advantage over them, that was it. Far as disadvantages go, I was a 'yankee' among an overwhelming number of Texans. Open season.

It was their ship, their crew, their captain, their XO, their engineer. Their everything. And me. Yankee boy.

[ Goldies had better ORSE scores than the Bluies, which would represent an unbiased opinion. ]

So I learned a lot about southern boys. They are much smarter than they sound, sometimes. In ways I never would have imagined.

Now I very much enjoy learning shit about people .. yes, even if I have to take a beating to do it. I can handle myself in a wide variety of hostile environments. If necessary.

So I remembered how these guys would gang up on me about being a yankee and shit like that. Playful sure, but this yankee "is gonna hear another side of the story" (.. which is similar to what Bob Marley said).

For me, all I knew about the south was that they lost the war a long-ass time ago .. before my grandparents ever sailed here from "the old country". And I watched a little Beverly Hillbillies on TV. That was all I knew.

Oh, these southern boys educated me right proper. We're talking months and even years together. They were smart, capable guys. And I guess the short version is » they earned my respect. And gave me an appreciation for southern boys that I did not have before. Certainly for Texans.

You do a lot of dreaming during your last dwindling months of enlistment. And the experience leaves you with the feeling that you can handle pretty much anything that comes down the pike.

But before I get to far down that road .. let me say that I heard » Tim Berners-Lee was there at SXSW for the Snowden broadcast. And that TB-L was actually able to ASK Snowden a question. Live!

That is the thing that made me think » it's a new world, dawg.

SXSW basically costs a thousand bucks .. for the whole dealy-o .. if you buy your ticket early. $1,700 gets you everything, everywhere at the last minute.

So I feel like my shipmates from Texas said to Snowden, "You're cool with us."

I read that last year, it was estimated that SXSW brought in a few hundred million dollars to the area. That makes SXSW a player.

Dude, did you go to the Olympics? Incognito? They were looking for you. The News people. Trying to see if they could spot you.

Did you see the closing ceremonies where they paid tribute to the Russian writers? That was my favorite part of the whole deal. I was spellbound. They have so many kick-ass writers. Giants in the land. And the way they did it. I'm still not sure how they did it.

Regarding the time when I arrived at the submarine in Hawaii .. I will just say this .. I was very immature when I arrived at the ship. At the "boat" as we called it.

I had just turned 21 a week before I landed in Honolulu. It would be an exaggeration to say that you had a punk running a reactor on a nuclear submarine .. but you catch my drift.

I stepped ONTO the plane in the middle of a blizzard (mid-January) in Connecticut .. and stepped OFF the next day (after a rather uncomfortable sleepover in the San Francisco terminal) .. in Hololulu, 73 degrees ..

Waikiki, Hawaii.. palm trees swaying gently in the balmy ocean breeze .. sunshine casting minimal shadows.

"What just happened? Let's go to the beach! Yesterday I was freezing my ass off in arctic temps. I could totally get used to this shit.

They said my sportster is here already. Wanna go down to the warehouse with me and pick it up tomorrow? This is Sportster country if ever I done laid eyes on such a thing. Do you ride?"

Anyway, this big black dude from Texas and I would always walk forward (.. to go eat) after getting relieved by the on-coming watch station. If he got relieved early, he would wait for me. If I were relived first, I would wait for him. But usually we got off at the same time.

[ This guy was 300 pounds of solid muscle. You should see him in the gym, "Help me put another plate on here, will ya?" I've seen him bench 350#. Legs like tree trunks. ]

And he would die laughing whenever I did my black shuck-n-jive walk. "Let me show you how the bro's walk up north."

He would collapse against the wall (the "bulkhead") .. because he was laughing so hard. It didnt matter how many times I did it. It would crack him up every time. And then HE would try it. (No, I'm not gonna tell you his name.)

So we got to be friends. Because he and I were scheduled to get out of the Navy at about the same time. And we were the same age.

The Wise Old Texan

But even more than these shipmates, perhaps, there was my old Texan friend from the coffee shop there in Laguna. (At Main Beach. The gang. All smart guys. Professionals.) I actually wrote a little about him » here.

That was one the most difficult things I have ever wrote. I think because of the implications. I was shaking. Tho I wasnt exactly sure why.

It felt like I had a window-of-opportunity that I could take advantage of, but for which another would be most unlikely, because of its nature. (Far fucking out.)

So in a way, I felt like I wasnt ready.

Anyway, beyond the writing itself, I have always appreciated the things that old man shared with me .. from the negative side, sorta. What *not* to do. (If you dont want live your remaining years as a bitter old men.)

To be honest, I'm not even sure if that is the way he meant it .. or if he were just venting family frustrations. But I definitely got the message.

He had a script for legal, medical cannabis. He would take a hit to help him fall asleep at night.

Did I say that I appreciate this man? This Texan. The wise, old, experienced, well-travelled Texan. Because I do.

Going to See » the Commodore (the Wizard)

Heck, I might even tell you the story about the time that I had to go talk to the Commodore. Dude, a commodore is the guy in charge of a bunch of Captains .. who are guys in charge of an entire warship. (And everybody on it.)

Nuclear-powered ballistic missile submarineAdmirals are in charge of whole fleets (.. such as the Atlantic fleet or the Pacific fleet). A commodore is in charge of a part of that fleet.

Do you know that scene in the Wizard of Oz .. where Dorothy and her three friends walk down that long hallway to go see the wizard?

Well, that is pretty close to what is was like for me the time that I had to go talk to the Commodore. Because his office was at the end of a very long hallway. And I was shaking like the tinman.

Not really, but I was definitely on high-alert. I think it was better the way that the Master Chief did it. He just came and got me and said, "Come on, let's go."

This section about going to see the commodore has been off-loaded into a separate entry in Ye Olde Rad Blog v4 .. see here » Going to See the Commodore (the Wizard).

Yin-yang | A well-placed tattoo» Embracing Duality

Sometimes when I am writing and in the flow .. or maybe I am feeling strongly about a topic ..

.. and I feel like I am operating in a zone where I am performing at a level ABOVE which I am probably capable of .. if such a thing is possible ..

.. sometimes I write things .. things that come to me (.. who knows how?) .. things that surprise me .. in various sundry ways.

I could write at length here [ for example, see quote #10 here by Ezra Pound ] but one such example is » embracing duality .. which followed the idea / notion of yin-yang.

[ Uh, I have gone back after some time and reviewed this section, and I could not see why the quote from Ezra spoke to me here.

So, if I dont get it myself, it seems unlikely that the reader will get it. But now I remember.

It's because Ezra talks about the "natural object" always being adequate. And a woman's butt is about as "natural" as you can get.

I did not know about Ezra's quote before I selected that image. Hemingway talks about hanging out with Ezra in his book » A Moveable Feast. So I feel like I have a sense of him. ]

And sometimes when I want an image or a graphic that represents an idea or thing I am addressing in a large block of text ..

.. I will search Google images for the term(s). And the one of the tattoo on the girls butt (lower back?) was the image that spoke best to me. Why that is you can guess at.

Now you will not believe me but I am going to say it anyway. The fact that the notion of "embracing" as something a man might do to a woman's butt .. that did not occur to me until a month or two later.

At least not consciously. And there is a feeling that comes .. when you feel like somerthing is trying to write thru you .. something smarter than you. And stronger. And maybe even more virile.

[ Here I will inject some of my experience regarding my creative process. Here in the fold of this other topic.

Being a nuclear kind of guy, I would like to have control over my creative process. (Who wouldnt?) The nuclear industry being (understandably so) very much about control and the rules of this control.

But it does not work this way. No, sir. You cannot use nuclear rules to control the artistic, creative process.

The creative process, as I experience it .. seems to come when you least expect it .. and even when you are least prepared for it.

You may be tired. Exhausted. Spent. Ready for bed.

And the thought comes > "This is the *worst* time, right now." And you know (tho, how you know, I don't know) .. that you have this window. This very narrow window. (Right now, because in 30 seconds, it might be gone .. never to return .. at least, not for this particular thing.)

And you can go ahead and throw down or you can go to bed and think that you'll capture it in the morning .. when you are rested. And fed. And showered. And have your taxes done. Etc.

But that is not how it works (.. not for me, anyway). No. Rather, you get this opportunity to throw-down (capture) the thing that comes with this creative impulse.

So the feeling is something along the lines of riding a dragon. Trying your best to hang on and ride it out. To stay with it, and it twists and turns and leads in unpredictable directions.

And you wish that you were better prepared. Better rested. Better everything.

And sometimes, when I am feeling like shit, I say, "Fuck it." And I go for it. And I jump on and ride the dragon of creativity.

And everything (physically) may hurt. But you try your best to ignore that and remain conscious of the staying with (on) the dragon.

Which seems to be galloping three times faster than you are capable of handling. Yes, and sometimes you lose hold. And sometimes you say, "Ah, there he is," and you can jump back on.

I am talking about my creative process here. My point is that .. it is rarely a pretty thing. (Type-o's, grammer, spelling, etc.) But the more you do it .. the better you get at it.

So that .. sometimes, when he (the dragon) shows up, you can say, "Your ass is mine, bitch." (.. even tho this might be the worst time for me)

Sure, later you can go back and polish your rough-looking art. It may not mean anything but to you.

But that's not the point. The point is .. ah, I lost it. Dang! What's the point?

Ah, here it is .. the point is that you take advantage of the dragon of creativity when he shows up. This takes determination. Focus. Tenacity. And even courage, sometimes.

What kind of artist gives a shit about what anybody thinks? (Yes, that's a rhetorical question.) Except their inner artist.

I once sent off a copy of a manuscript to a potential publisher, who responded by saying, "You're not following the rules."

To which I thought, "Uh, that's my whole point. I'm not a clone."

When you are ready for him, he rarely shows up. "Here dragon, dragon. Where are you? I would like to go for a ride." It's only when you are not .. or maybe it just seems that way.

Sure, there are minor creative rides. But I am not talking about them. I am not talking about the rides where you are very much in control.

No.

Rather I am talking about those surprising flashes of inspiration that seem to come out of the blue at the most inopportune times.

When you are like » "Shit! This is the worst fucking time for this." And either you jump on that dragon and you let him get away.

Here I am talking primarily about publishing. But there are also times when I capture the inspiration on Moleskine. Cuz I am not near my laptop. Physically impossible to capture electronically.

And these things (ideas, memories of experiences, etc.) may sit in my Moleskine for much time (weeks or maybe even months) ..

.. and then, when I am writing about something seemingly unrelated .. they come. They return. The ideas.

And here they are MORE DEVELOPED .. because my subconscious has had a chance to ponder them.

I *love* this kind of throw-down .. because it LOOKS LIKE spur-of-the-moment thing .. but actually I have been working on it for weeks or months.

Because back then, when I Moleskine capture .. it was not the right time. And I feel like I wasted my time with that particular topic. But when I seen how it fits in later, I think "That was very cool .. how I captured the rudimentary elements back then .. and how they developed inside me over time.

And when they come (later) they are usually quite different from my orignial (Moleskine) capture.

Public publishing is always more ______ (word?) than Moleskine capture (private, cuz no one sees Moleskine but me).

Moleskine can be very raw .. and I sometimes feel like I do not have the strength to capture these raw, fleeting ideas in Moleskine).

So it (Moleskine) takes, or seems to takes/require) much tenacity. Whereas, when I am writing at keyboard to publish, I usually feel more of the spitit moving me.

Dylan once said in an interview about his creative process (something like), "I know that sounds _____ (word = ethereal-ish) .. but I actually have a pretty good handle on it."

My point is .. you have to want it pretty badly. And you have to take what comes .. when it comes.

In other words .. it seems to come from BEYOND you. ]

Speaking of embracing duality .. remind me to tell you about the dream I had .. where I am standing on the top of a reactor vessel (which contains the core) ..

White Angel / Black Angel Dream of » Embracing Duality Before Launching Off Top of Reactor Vessel

.. and I am a white angel standing and wrestling with a black angel. We each have hold of each other about the shoulders and upper arms. And we launch off the side of the reactor vessel and head down toward the concrete floor below. (Head first.)

Which is a long way .. a few stories maybe. And on the way down .. I am thinking to the black angel, "Dude, do you really wanna do this?" Because I am thinking that we are both going to die.

And a second or two later there is a giant explosion (.. in which I think I am going to die). But I come up out of the smoke and dust no problemo. And the dark angel has been turned into the smokey dust.

And my first thought is » "Wow, that was very cool. Can I do it again?"

I dated a girl once who had read a book on dreams. She had interesting interpretations (.. according to this book). Sometimes what she would say would be more interesting than the dream itself.

Anyway, back to embracing duality and this curious intuitive thing .. that is actually better demonstated than explained, perhaps.

I guess my point is that .. after a while you start to trust this intuitive thing .. strange as it might seem sometimes ..

.. cuz there definitely is a sense of awe and respect and reverence that comes .. yes.

And when I finally saw how the phrase 'embracing duality' could be construed sexually .. even tho that is definitely NOT the way I intended it .. I thought of that dream.

James Joyce (1882-1941)Does that makes sense? Can you trace my thread? I admit that I may have gotten off onto a bleeding avante-garde edge.

Which I might conceptualize as an abstract consciousness .. or an attempt that heads in that general direction.

Something like that. Multi-dimensional. Throwing down artistic flair for points in authenticity. I am operating very much on intuitive feel right now. My inner-critic hates this shit.

Later, when I go back to edit and distill .. my inner-critic (editor) is going to say, "Dude, have you totally lost your mind? How am I supposed to edit this shit? Were you on acid? Does the word » coherence mean anything to you?"

[ Can you now see why the artist needs to embrace duality? ]

Now I have had many cool dreams .. but none that evoke the idea of » "What the fuck does *that* mean?" .. as this one about the white angel wrestling with (embracing) the black angel.

And when I saw how "embracing duality" could be construed sexually, I (shortly thereafter) saw that the term "embracing duality" could be applied to my dream ..

.. of a white angel embracing a black angel. Tho here, the term 'embrace' is used differently than the way is which I use it to conceptualize yin-yang. Very differently.

Which makes me think of » pair-annihilation .. in radiation physics. No?

I mean, I had this dream » years ago. So it has had impressive staying power. What could such a dream mean?

I must admit. I like the idea that I am a white angel. If I were the black angel, that would suck. You know how dreams are. You can't really control them. Tho I knew this girl who claimed to be able to dream lucidly.

If any of this sounds "like so much horse shit" .. then I definitely would not feel bad. Because it sounds like so much horse shit to me, too, sometimes.

Now it might take a while, I admit, but sometimes you start to think » maybe it wasnt so much horse shit after all.

Sometimes when I am neck-deep in the flow .. trying to hold on (to it) for dear life .. the thought comes (paraphrase) » "Your ass aint bad enough to hold onto something like this for very long. So you must have been given a special pass. So try not to fuck it up."

Hemingway writingHemingway talks about "not emptying the well". He means that you should quit writing while things are still going good.

This is probably the #1 way in which I differ from Hemingway. Dude, when I am in the love-groove .. I stay with it.

Sure, I may not be able to write (or even think very much) for a few days. [ That's the reason why Hem says you should quit while you're still good-to-go.]

With my technique, I can get to places that Hemingway can't. Much to say here for such an outrageous statement .. but I'll just leave it at that.

But my thoughts on this run parallel to the notion that writing should evoke a sense of the zeitgeist.

And you will notice that Hemingway is famous for making his appear » seamless. Of all one piece.

And none of his novels epitomize this all-one-pieceness more than » Old Man & the Sea.

Now I know a little about making shit seamless. And it is work. Focused concentration. Discipline. Wonderful work ethic for any writer.

The Schnooner Escape, all wood, anchored in Catalina, built in 1933But Hemingway wrote this book in '51. Dude, that's how life was back in the early 50's. The book was published in '52.

I read it sitting on Sidney's schooner (the Escape, now in France somewhere) .. while anchored at the isthmus at Catalina for the Fourth of July one year.

But our twenty-first society feels very fragmented, no? Which shows up politically, to a degree. Tho I am speaking about » culturally. Or is it just me?

I do try to channel some of the spirit of the age into my writing, yes, You want somebody from the next century to be able to get a feel what it is like to live when you lived. With just the right touch, a few small dabs on a canvas can evoke the atmosphere in a telling way.

Also note how Hemingway was thinking in terms of writing the novel, which is a long and often painful process. Whereas the twenty-first century writer can better adapt to the technology (and also with it).

Anyway, these are my thoughts on why I may differ with Hemingway in some respects .. who I normally find myself resonating with. So these areas of mismatching catch my attention.

It is sort of like comparing a long, slow weave with a focused throw-down right now » blammo! Hemingway is not a blammo type of guy. He's a long-distance runner.

By the way, what do you think of this Hemingway quote?

It can difficult, challenging to stay in the juiciest-juice of a flow. (Taxing?) It's like » this is what you train for. The Olympian trains all his life for a few minutes in the pool, or on the balance beam. While the artist trains to be able to get into that creative flow .. and stay there long as possible. Like being in love. Pure heroin.

And sometimes you work very hard and shit doesnt come. And other times you seemingly FALL INTO a river. So you can feel pretty undeserving, at times, even tho maybe you have poured out your soul trying to get there.

And yes, part of you is saying, "Dude, try to remember how you got here .. so we can come back here after this rollercoaster ride is over."

But you are trying so completely to be and remain one with this flow .. like riding a tiger .. the bobsled of creativity. It is so good (for the artist) that you just want to stay there long as you can.

But the whole thing is, sure, you might be able to retrace your steps .. but that shit gets old.

[ I once asked an older co-worker what sex was like with his wife of many years. He said » "Just like brushing your teeth: same old thing."

I remember having sex with this girl and thinking, "This feels so new and fresh and different every time. How can that be? Is that me or is that her?" I never aked, tho.

It's sorta like every time you explore a new galaxy together.

I prefer the constellation of Pather, myself .. but am open to suggestions .. if you have other ideas. ]

And you want the freshy-fresh. We may go there .. ideas about how to get in line (resonate) with the master sine-wave. [ The word » commitment comes to mind. Also » tenacity. ]

But I can say that you have to leave logic behind. You operate more on 'feel'. Intuition. Degrees of variation more than on/off, yes/no, good/bad. (strict duality)

Here's my point » if the stuff I write doesnt make sense .. give it a while.

Student-of-the-Month

By the way, the Bug is student-of-the-month. His picture is hanging in the main office.

I am so proud of him. You can't imagine how good that makes me feel. I said, "How does it feel?"

"It feels good," he said.

I told him that I was glad that other people were recognizing how cool he is .. something that I have known all along.

To be continued. Or maybe not.