» » Sometimes when I write [ not often ] I find myself out there .. waay out there .. in some remote galaxy .. following something that is hard to describe. More like a feeling, or an impulse. Maybe an urge. Or an intuition.
Embracing Duality (Whatever that Might Mean)
Hard to put your finger on it. (Which is part of what makes it so cool.)
Like I'm riding it. Like I'm feeding off its energy.
And the feeling that comes at the end of these experiences is something like » "How did I get here? Where is here? Where am I? How did I get here?"
You are downright disoriented.
And the unspoken implication here is that you are losing your mind .. because crazy people are famous for talking about things that make no sense.
I have already written about the fine line .. between genius and insanity.
And I do not mind telling you, my friend, that when you are there .. exploring that line .. it is not difficult to step over every now-n-then. [ "Oops." ]
People slip up all the time, no? Is not that part of the very definition of being human?
Now I know that you probably think that the last chemo really put a hurtin' on my ass .. and there might very well be some truth to that. I can certainly feel that the screws are now considerably looser. And I know that you probably think I had too many screws loose already.
But let's not let that stop us from exploring what is probably chief among these opaque phrases » embracing duality.
» Sensing Resistance
A part of me does not want to write this .. on this topic. I sense resistance .. tho I am not sure why.
Perhaps because I prefer to write about stuff that I know about.
In my old days, resistance itself was enough of a reason to write on a particular topic. But after chemo and radiation and having genetically-engineered smallpox-based biohazards pumped right into my veins, I must, by necessity, be more discriminating.
The artist just wants to create their art .. and not have to talk about doing it. Cuz giving voice to, giving expression to your creative juices .. is where its at for the artist .. in turning nothing into something. Creating a thing out of thin air.
Which reminds me of my entry on Dostoevsky .. how I was feeling like I wasnt ready .. to write that entry. But I knew that this was the time to write .. ready or not. (And really, how can you ever be prepared to write about Dostoevsky?)
» Confronting Bullshit Ideas and Knowing Things that You Can't Possibly Know
» You Write or You Die
"Oh, that's simple .. you either get it down on paper .. or you jump off a bridge."
And his response spoke to me because it resonated with my own experience ..
.. which is a feeling similar to that of a gradually increasing constipation ..
.. until you feel like you're ready to jump off a bridge.
[ Speaking of constipation .. you do not know constipation .. let me tell you .. until you've has a few chemo's and you start to eat the narcotics that they give you for pain. On second thought .. maybe I shouldnt. ]