» » Even before the diagnosis, I found myself resonating (quite naturally) with the existentialists, such as Nietzsche and Dostoevsky and Kafka. Time after time, I would read some cool stuff that spoke to me at a deep level. So I googled the name of the author and read a little bit about them and discovered that this cool stuff was coming from yet another person who was considered something called an existentialist. Whatever that was.
Last Day of Winter
"I am obviously feeling these existentialists," I would say to myself. Tho I wasnt sure what exactly this meant.
The term » existentialism, to me, just seemed so unbearably pretentious.
Whatever the case with Camus [ Ca-'moo ] I never spent much time looking into what precisely constitutes an existentialist and existentialism.
First thing I learned is that existentialism, while admittedly sounding mercilessly hoity-toity, is not a pretentious philosophy. Not at all. Quite the contrary.
It's actually characterized by a down-to-earth practicality that I simply adore.
I went off on this existential tangent after watching Woody Allen's Irrational Man .. with Emma Stone and Joaquin Phoenix playing her Philosophy professor. [ Manohla mentions Woody here. He has a new movie coming out. ]
» First Day of Spring
But before I get carried away there .. let me first note that today is the first day of spring.
I am glad to see spring arrive. After treatment, I have noticed that the cold bothers me more.
The chemo, while designed to attack cancer cells, also puts a hurting on your blood .. on your red blood cells, and on your white blood cells, and especially on your platelets and hemoglobin. And it just takes time to recover. (I see my oncologist in another week.)
» Warmer Days Ahead
Anyway, I much prefer the therapeutic warmth of summer to the bone-chilling cold of winter. And today is the last day of winter. Tonight we sleep in springtime and dream of warmer days to come.
So wave goodbye to winter with me .. and the final diagnostic hurdle.
UConn Huskies Girls Basketball Team » Total Domination
Speaking of totally bitchin' things .. I want to send a hearty shout-out to the UConn Huskies girls basketball team. You make me proud to be from Connecticut. That is certainly some eye-rubbing stuff you are doing there.
I mean, you see it .. but it's still hard to believe. Nodody is gonna say that Connecticut doesnt take sports seriously, or that they are not ferociously competitive.
Total domination. Chest-thumping stuff. It must feel totally bitchin'. "We came. We saw. We kicked ass. And a hell of a lot of it, too."
What does it feel like to never lose? (Ever. Even once.) You should make a movie. Everybody likes to be around a winner .. hoping some of the winningness will rub off.
Oh, my mistake .. it looks like they have actually lost 5 games in the last 4 years, with a record of 151-5.
» Few Things Feel as Good as Winning
One time, I played this best-ball golf tournament after work on one fine summer day .. as part of a foursome of guys from my work-group. And one of these guys had been in college on a pro-track .. until he hurt his back in a car accident.
But he could still hit a ball that made your eyeballs pop out. And he was just a little dude, too. Kinda wiry. He could hit far and he was wicked-accurate with the irons.
Anyway, we won that tournament (in Maryland). And even tho we hardly used any of my balls, despite some pretty good shots .. I remember how GOOD I felt driving home. (It was a long drive back to Pennsylvania.) I think there were 10 or 12 teams.
I felt like a million bucks. Very much alive and vibrant. So happy .. that it actually surprised me. "How can I possibly be feeling this happy about winning a stupid golf tournament where I hardly even contributed anything to the winning?" It didnt make sense. But I was feeling good, anyway.
It just feels so good to win, sometimes. I could see how something that felt that good .. could easily become addicting. Are you girls addicted? (It would certainly seem so.)
» No Going Back
Here is the thing that has become most plain and clear to me, post-treatment .. and that is » there is no going back. See, before treatment, you kinda have the thought »
"I will go thru this hardest-thing-of-your-life treatment .. including the lonely 99-minute window into eternity and I'll even do the bio-hazards for breakfast .. and it will kick my ass, but then I will get back to where I was before treatment."
But I can see now that this is not how it works. I am not saying that the cancer survivor cannot go on to bigger and better things .. no, sir. Rather I am saying that » you cannot back.
Rad note » this month's entry grew so large that I split it into two pages and off-loaded them to the monthly archives, where I can work with it a little easier. First of the two is here » March, 2016 - page 1